Why does my husband prefer his hand to mine?

Question

My husband has recently begun to have occasional problems being able to complete the act of lovemaking successfully, but it doesn’t appear to have interfered with his ability to – or interest in - satisfying himself successfully. How do I know? Because I have awakened several times recently to his masturbating while he is lying right next to me in bed, while he thinks I’m asleep. He knows I’m more than ready and willing. Why does he prefer his own hand to my warm body? He doesn’t want to talk about this, but I’m so frustrated and feel so rejected. Why can’t I stop crying?

Answer 1

Maybe your just no fun anymore.

Answer 2

Of course you feel rejected and frustrated and your feelings are valid and normal. But don't jump the gun too quickly; there is a reason for this. And you should not take it at all personally. First of all, if he has ED in any form, it's going to put severe pressure on him to perform with you, both to impress you (even though you tell him he doesn't need to) and for himself. This can really take the passion out of it and make it seem (to him) like a chore even if he doesn't realize he's thinking this way. Second, all men masturbate, married, single or otherwise. No matter how often they receive sex or who they receive it from. The orgasm is also slightly different, too. He knows how to "take care" of himself in an effective fashion and should he have a moment of ED, his hand doesn't get embarrassed for him, it doesn't talk and it's really, really patient. But so are you. He doesn't want to discuss it because of embarrassment. He's mortified. Both from his situation and from you catching him in the "act" and your being concerned about it. There are many factors that cause ED, from blood pressure to stress. He may not be ready to admit the problem, either. You are a good wife. Be patient with him. For now, compliment him when he "does well" in the bedroom and speak with him about your concern at an appropriate time. He will need to see a medical professional but the problem is very easily remedied. In the mean time, you might offer to "help" him along, should he feel the need to satisfy himself. It's not at all that he's not attracted to you so be careful not to be accusatory. It's a genuine physical problem that effects men of all ages and in all health.

Answer 3

Okay, first of all try to calm down. It could be a matter of texture, intensity, or a million other conceivable nuances he's missing that he can't describe to you well enough to be communicative on so he just opts to finish himself privately. He's probably just as bewildered about this as you are (which explains his not having mentioned it). You do both need to talk about this sensitive though it may be, but it's probably best to attempt this conversation away from the bedroom in a non-threatening environment. (I say non-threatening because his reluctance to talk about it leads me to believe he may think there's a problem with himself....and, while it may just be a sensation thing right now, if he continues to obsess about it and internalize his feelings it will quickly blossom into a full-blown problem.) So, try talking it out at your earliest opportunity. These things happen a lot more often than you would imagine.

Answer 4

I guess that I would find out if there are underlying issues as to why he cannot complete a session of active lovemaking, and he feels it would be quicker and without the hassle of dealing with your emotions if he handles it himself because I know he probably knows you're upset about the sex lately. It is not abnaormal for a guy to handle there own business, my husband does in the shower so then I think okay great less mess and sweating for me.

Answer 5

You have to ubderstand the biology of the male of the species. For about a billion years the male of all species were polygamous. For 2 million years humans were polygamou. For 5000 years almost all cultures and religions promoted or accepted polygamy. About 1000 years ago that upstart religion made it punishable by being boiled in oil. Simply put he needs variety. Clubs or the internet provides a bit of variety. It has nothing to do with you personally. He would eventually start doing that if he was shacking up with a porn queen. Its just the way it is.

Answer 6

I can relate. My first husband used to to that, and I would pretend to be asleep. I would handle it differently now than I did then. Rather than pretending to be asleep, I would just let him know that I'm awake and I feel rejected. You can't make him want you, but you can let him know how you feel. If he is willing, couples counseling might be helpful. There are likely issues going on in the relationship that have nothing directly to do with sex, but rather communication. If he won't go with you, then go yourself to help sort things out. I know it's hard, but it's likely more to do with the relationship itself than directly with sex. If his heart was open to you, then he would want to share that sacred act with you. Look for the solution in the overall communication patterns of the relationship. You both probably need some assistance in doing that.

Answer 7

He will say maybe because one or 3 times a week is not enough and he need t please him self in other ways.. Just talk to him or if he doesn't then I will suggest to write a letter or e mail and express your feelings ans see how can you both solve this situation,... Be honest with him tell him that it frustrating and that you feel that you are not enough for him.. Hopefully this will hep .. best wishes !!

Answer 8

While masturbation may be normal, it's NOT normal to choose it over the real thing time & time again. Your husband sounds like he has a problem with intimacy, preferring fake people (his hand) who he doesn't have to worry about pleasing. Please know that it's not you, & maybe you two should go see someone about this.

Answer 9

I dont think ur rejected, but sometimes people get bored of eating the same casual lunch with the same flavour..etc..
maybe u need to spice up the sex life...some creative kinkyness ..toys..costumes..chocolate cream..fullfilling fantasies..and maybe that would get you both going wild for each other...

wish you happiness.

Answer 10

You need to talk to your husband. It is normal for a guy to "take care of himself" but not while he is bed with you. You are married so all topics are open to conversation or next time, join him.

Answer 11

A. Stop crying you're not a baby.
B. Everyone masturbates, get over it.
C. Ask him to SHOW you what it he does that he enjoys so much.
D. Get over yourself...you're jealous of your husband's HAND for crying out loud!