I'm a 42 yr old divorced man with 3 girls, 18, 14 and 13. I have been in a relationship for a few months with a girl who is 26 yrs old and has no children. Things are going great and we both love each other and she thinks the world of the girls as they do her. Today she said to me " If one of your kids hit me and I hit them back what would your reaction be"? I stated that while we were in a relationship and she had contact with the girls that I did'nt have a problem with her disciplining them if there was a need to. I also said that I don't think I would be to happy and that I would'nt even hit my own kids. She then said that she would hit them and that I insinuated to her " you don't lay a finger on my kids". How would you react to this and would you allow it?
2007-10-02 12:21:04 · 20 answers · asked by Marksd2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First of all, you have only been in a relationship with her for a few months, so she has no right to discipline them. It would be different if you guys were married and she was step mom, but that is not the case. She has no right to tell your kids what to do. Secondly, she is not even 10 years older than your oldest daughter. I wouldn't listen to her even if she tried to tell me what to do. Also, she just told you that she would hit your kids. I would be kicking her out the door and finding someone else to be with. Possibly a little more mature than her.
2007-10-02 12:30:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmmm tough question - you don't want to undermine the relationship but you don't really want someone hitting your kids.
The problem I have with physical discipline is that I see is as a weakness on the part of the adult. Normally it relates to the adult not being able to hold their own temper and teaches kids that hitting out rather than discussions solve issues.
I would suggest you tell her , you would rather she didn't. Also as u have only known her for a few months she has not had the chance to get to know them & build a relationship first and at the risk of becoming the evil step om, If there is a serious issue for her to tell the kids that she will be telling u what happened and you can decide together on the method of punishment.
That way it won't cause friction between you, and u can appear united in front of the kids ( they can be clever and learn to play the game quickly too!!!)
Good luck
2007-10-02 20:03:19 · answer #2 · answered by sunfunsea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How likely is it to come to that ? Do they all not get on ? I'm not telling you anything new but first allegiance I'm sure is with your daughters (although that's an unspoken rule (in a way) with a new partner). The reason that I ask is that you have maybe 4 years to get through and then problem solved. If you are still with your partner after that time then it will ease off a lot. My wife and her siblings clashed with their fathers new partner whilst they were still home but from age of 20 they have all seemed to enjoy a mutual respect with each another. I'm afraid that the ages 13 and 14 / 26 are going to pose a problem for you at the moment. Good luck. Christ ! 4 women in one house ! - you deserve a medal.
2007-10-02 19:58:47 · answer #3 · answered by Franco 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all dude she is 26, she could almost be your child, I mean lets call it what it is, the idea "you dont lay a finger on my kids." tells me you dont trust her disciplining capabilities, and let me tell you it is only uphill from here, "we both love each other." is pretty and flowery but you cant be around 24-7 and there will come a point where she will be the one to discipline and she wont call you and ask you, she will just do what she thinks best, what will you do then, Take her back to daycare dude, get a woman you can trust with your children....
2007-10-02 19:40:08 · answer #4 · answered by LV 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your girlfriend feel threaten by violence concerning your girls, I feel that this issue needs to be sat down between you all and discussed,
to make sure that this issue does not come to the exsistance of happening? I'm sure your girlfriend dosen't want to deal with laying a finger on your children, but what would she have to do if your daughters violently went for her,
Let them hurt her, and wait for you to return home before anything is done about it? Get real
dad there must be a little conflict in the air, sort it out, before the flame rises......
2007-10-02 19:41:59 · answer #5 · answered by ngatihine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should not hit your children at any time,sounds to me like she may be a little jealous.You dont say if you are living together but I believe the disciplining is your domain whether you are or not.Someone would only have to lay a finger on my children once & they would be gone.If your kids like her so much,why is she even asking the question?
2007-10-02 19:37:51 · answer #6 · answered by anna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. You have to keep in mind that you partner is young. To think that the way to solve a children hitting you is by hitting back the child shows her inexperience in parenting. I have been in a relationship for 7 years with the same person and not once would he even consider putting his hands on my children. I also would not consider physically putting my hands on his son.Maybe if your partner had her own child she could understand that her physically hitting your children will end up ultimately changing her relationship with them as well. If she wants them to respect her she has to respect them . If she hits them that will not happen.
2007-10-02 19:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by rocky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would allow it but I would beat the living crap outta the kid,,
blended families are tough call, after all she is almost as old as your oldest kid, 8 years different from your 18 yo,
she should act like a adult but as far as discipline NO,, but hey,, I am 47 and just got out of a relationship with blended kids, whose parent never did anything to her kids,
good luck with it all,
2007-10-02 19:25:40 · answer #8 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way would i allow anyone to lay a hand on my kids! no matter what they had done...I wouldn't hit them myself so i shouldn't expect anyone else to either.....
The age of your girlfriend isn't that far of your childrens...18, 14 and 13, they are almost women themselves.
I think your girlfriend is jealous by your love for them, she thinks that you are trying to put the girls before her and she has said this to make you take her side..that way she will feel in the more dominant position, knowing that you love her 'more'....sounds prety selfish, sorry!
2007-10-02 19:30:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course not. You are the primary disciplinarian not her. It' s your job to do it and lay down the rules for her to discipline your kids when you are away. She has never been a parent and needs some advice on parenting such as books ect... So she basically doesn't know how.
2007-10-02 19:26:35 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋