Can you make me laugh?

Question

Tell me something funny, I'm very sad

Answer 1

See if this little redneck poem helps a little.

Redneck Love
I kiss my best girl on the mouth,
My arm upon her back.
I blow my hot breath in her ear,
She quivers like a Mack.
I pat her brow and hug her neck,
I hold her close to me.
I walk her to the big old barn,
For all the world to see.
I put the bucket under her,
I grasp her nipples long.
I pull and squeeze and sing to her,
A lovely little song.
I want you all to know this day,
I'll tell you all right now.
My girlfriend is all black and white,
She is an old milk cow.

Answer 2

This guy walks into a bar and finds an empty stool at the counter. He sits down and reaches into the pocket of his long trench coat and takes out a small piano that looks like a toy,,and sits it on the bar. As the bartender approaches to find out what the gentleman will be drinking,the man reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a few more things. He places a small piano stool in front of the tiny piano and a fine looking gold candelabra on top of the tiny piano.Then he places a little man dressed in a black tux next to the stool. As the bartender watches with AWE,,,,the little man ,,who is about twelve inches tall,,,walks over to that tiny piano and dusts off the seat,then he lights the candles. The little guy sits on the stool and begins to play the greatest piano music you ever heard. The bar tender can no longer control his curiosity. He asks the man"Where did you get that PIANIST?" The man slowly begins the answer to the bar tenders question by saying,,," Well,,there was a MAGIC JEANY just outside the bar here when I was comming up to the door and she said that she would grant me ANYTHING that I ASKED her for,,,but....." At this point in the gentlemans unfinished answer the bartender could no longer stand the suspense and he ran outside in the hope that this MAGIC JEANY was still there. She was still there. In a few minutes the bar tender came back inside COVERED from head to foot with what was clearly DUCK manure. The gentlemans curiosity got the better of him. He asked the bar tender.."What did you wish for?" The bar tender said" I asked her for a MILLION BUCKS." Then as the gentleman began to stop laughing he decided to tell the bar tender the REST of the answer to the original question that the bar tender had first asked him. He said "Sir,,,you ran out so fast before,that I was not able to tell you the END of the answer to your question about where I got the PIANIST". He said " I was about to tell you that this MAGIC JEANY outside has one small problem,,,,SHE IS PARTLY DEAF." At this the bar tender said"Well..what does THAT have to do with anything?" The gentleman answered and said..." She thought that you asked for a million DUCKS." Then the gentleman said..."Did you really think that I had asked that deaf jeany to give me a TWELVE INCH.....Pianist??"

Answer 3

Flava Flav with a perm

Answer 4

u mama so fat i let her borrow acdc and it came back as the jackson 5 oh ... im not susposed to make u mad ah well hope you have a sense of humor uhhh watch fam guy

Answer 5

Once a girl was constantly yelling at her friend about being a whore. Her friends started slapping her and said, "Mamamia, I hate my dry eyeballs".

Answer 6

YOU HAVE TO SAY THIS VERY, VERY FAST

peter pan peanut butter

this you can say @ normal speed but imagine a diff person saying it

i don't know.......................................can i? (with eyes that get squintier the closer i get to the end of the sentence)

Answer 7

What do dyslexic, insomniac, agnostics do?

Sit up and wonder if there's a dog.

Answer 8

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

DUNG!!!

Answer 9

Trix Bunny: LALALALALALALALALALALALA
Kid: *slap*

Trix Bunny: Hey why did you slap me???

Kid: Because I wanted to *slap*....Trix are for kids, stupid bunny. *slap*

Trix Bunny: Slap me again and watch what happens.

Kid: *slap*

Trix Bunny: *punch* *kick* *slap* *upercut* MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT!

Kid: *falls on ground*

Answer 10

i'm bulimic and have alzheimer's
i eat alot but i forget to throw up.