What would u do if ur husband is beating around the bush about wanting a baby?Ive been married for 5 yrs and?

Question

have one of my own ( 11) and he has none. I married under the pretense that eventually, before im 32 to have a child and maybe adopt another if possible. He knew this! Just last yr i begin to notice that it didnt look like it was going to happen, so i came to him, we talked about it and i strongly told him that i would not have gotten married to some 1 who didnt intend on having ne kids, he replied that we will work on it. So time passes and nothing.He then says he'd rather adopt and not have a baby.So im thinking is there something wrong? He's 35!! The subj. has now become a tochy one when it should not be. So i ve excepted that i may not be having a child by this man and let god handle it but i strongly feel that he may not understand the commitment w\ adoption. So say he's sperm healthy- and doesnt want a kid 4 whatevr reasons, Im thinking about leaving him, becuzz i feel deceived i mean we could have just stayed lovers! What u think ladies? & Guys, whats the deal w\ this man?

Answer 1

I do not think divorce is the answer here, but you have to decide that on your own of course. But, do understand that over a course of a relationship (5years) ideals change. What we once aspired to, we are now jaded to, what once we feared, we now scoff at. People change and their ideals evolve. You should sit him down and communicate, whether he thinks it is touchy subject or not, because without communication there can be no change, and you will probably leave him. He may have a health reason, and is too embarassed by not being able to have children-who knows. But adopting is such a great option. There are so many children who would love to have someone like you in their life. So do yourself a favor + your man, and sit him down for 15 minutes of uninterrupted time,and get to the bottom of this before you make a decision. Thanks,

Answer 2

He's 35 and he's male; two strikes against him. On top of that you are asking him to think???? Take the bull by the horns, ask him if there is any medical reason why he should not have a child. If there is a viable reason then start the adoption process. I have six daughters, three adopted and three biological, and they all conspire and make my life a living hell; life doesn't get any better than this. It matters not if they are biological or adopted; a daughter is a daughter untill they clean out your wallet and kick dirt over your body. Some day I am going to have get a license for a weapon of mass destruction; when the six of them get together it is really scary.

Answer 3

He's got cold feet, I don't blame him; when you guys got married, the whole "kids" thing was far in the future, and he figured he had plenty of time to "get ready". Now it is "here and now", and he's still not ready - and possibly never will be. Having kids is a huge responsibility, and can be a turn-off. I'm not sure why he prefers adoption over a biological child, to me it sounds like a way to buy some more time in the hopes you will drop the subject.

Answer 4

You have a child of your own but want to have a child by your husband and he doesnt want one, he knew when you married that you wanted to have another child is this correct. Now you realize that after being married for certain matter of time he does not want kids. My question to you is that are you still in love with your husband and hurt by the fact that he will not father a child with you. You have been deceived but is it worth ending your marriage over.

best of luck

Answer 5

honestly? He's 35 & if he has a child now, his life is over. By the time the child hits 18, it will be time to retire. He wants the next 18 yrs to be with you, not for you to leave him. What kind of selfish person are you? I know - you can call him selfish too, but look at the reality. The best time to have kids is in your prime - 25-30, maybe. Why do you want to have another child anyway? Do you really want to wake up at night (assuming he won't because 'you' want this child), go to doctor offices, deal with temper tantroms all over again?

If I was in his shoes & I knew you felt the way you did, more power to you - LEAVE! He will be glad you did.

Answer 6

Ok....he is beating around the bush about having his own child....but is willing to adopt? This makes very little sense to me.....I would say that there is something wrong...Are you absolutely sure that he is not shooting blanks? It sounds to me like he may be sterile or he has had a vasectomy and didn't tell you about it.....the only other thing I can think of...is that he is worried about the changes your body will go through if you get pregnant...

Answer 7

What's wrong with having a baby at 32? That's when I had my daughter...He is 35, so what? He wants to adopt rather than have another child...so what? You have a choice to make...

Answer 8

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Answer 9

bottom line is, was the marraige to have kids, or is the marraige to enjoy your lives together plus you both raising your child.
if it gets more intense, try counselling by a professional, not a biased individual, such as a church member, or fertility expert or such.
often times older childeren/teens have issues with newborns entering the household and may fully accept, or feel a massive rejection........... after the baby is born.
good luck,
Neil

Answer 10

i understand your need for a child.. or more want.. and i understand how him maybe not wanting a child could be an issue.. but if the only reason you married him was to have kids and him be a father.. you are missing the whole relationship part of a marriage..