Okay. I've been with my husband since I was 16 years old, (nearly 6 years!). We have two kids together and got married nearly three years ago because I got pregnant. Thing is, he's not turning out to be the father and husband I'd thought he'd be. He refuses to help me with house work and can't even be trusted with my kids. He left my son as an infant in a carseat for 4 hours without changing him or taking him out to comfort him or anything because he wanted to play x-box. I have caught him sleeping while watching the kids, etc. etc. The majority of the time he is inconsiderate and even mean, allthough he has only hit me once....... I don't love him anymore, and want to leave, but I also want to do whats best for my kids. My parents have offered to let me stay there to get back on my feet, and I think I'm going to take them up on it. I don't want to end up miserable for 18 years of my life just to get my kids through highschool! Does anyone have any suggestions for me?
2007-10-02 10:18:34 · 18 answers · asked by dolly 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm going to school part-time to be a nurse and work as a CNA. My spare time is spent doing schoolwork and taking care of my one year old daughter and two year old son. My husband isn't trustworthy to watch the kids so while I'm gone they're either with my mom or grandma.
2007-10-02 10:20:25 · update #1
Yes, lol, I'm 22 years old. I'm unsure of what to do because now that I say I'm leaving he's acting all sad and says how much he loves me and the kids. However, this has happened before and his actions say otherwise! I am certainly okay with taking care of the kids without help from him, I do it already. I just don't think he was ready for all of this "responsiblility".
2007-10-02 10:29:33 · update #2
Girl, I think you are just waiting for someone to tell you it's ok to go. Well, the only ones that are important is those children and you. So I will tell you it is ok to do the best thing for you and your children- so go. He has already showed who and what is important to him. Your family sounds like they know that you really should leave this man so take their advice.
2007-10-02 16:35:30 · answer #1 · answered by marcy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Even hitting you once is one too many times! You can suggest couples counseling, and if he refuses, go alone. You deserve better than living like that. Even if you would stay for the kids sake, no one would be happy, the kids would know something is wrong. You can be a single mom, I was for a long time. There are programs to help you with everything you need, it's not a handout, it's to help you and your children, and your parents obviously want what's best, as well. What's best for your kids is to have them brought up in a stable, secure, happy home. Divorce doesn't have the stigma it once did, and even though some people think you should stay no matter what, no one deserves or needs to live like that.
2007-10-02 23:48:48 · answer #2 · answered by But Inside I'm Screaming 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok, so first of all, I'm not one to scream DIVORCE at the first sign of trouble, but you seem to have thought about this alot. Here are the things I would consider before making any decision - and yes, I've been there.
(1) What kind of example do you want to set for your kids? Do you want them to see this as an acceptable way to live?
(2) You've talked before to him and nothing changed - ACTIONS speak louder than words.
(3) Why is it acceptable for him to "hit you only once" and how many times can he hurt the kids before you see this as a problem?
He's young (as are you) and he never learned what it's like to GROW UP - he went (presumably) straight from his folks house to yours and has never had to take responsibility from the way this sounds.
Personally, with the information given, I'd move in with your folks and take care of YOU first. Finish school! If he's sincere, he'll take the steps to PROVE that he's worthy of you and the family i.e. counselling, parenting classes, etc. If not, you are better off! What's best for your kids is that they see that their mom did what was best for them and stood up for herself.
You seem to know the right answer, and are looking for others to validate your choice - GO FOR IT!
2007-10-02 17:35:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont love him anymore and he is not a good influence on the kids it is time to leave. I spent 5 years trying to make something work with my ex-wife because i wanted to be there for the kids sake and never really loved her. It was not fair to her or the kids. It made it into one of the worst relationships I have ever been in.
The main thing you have to think on is what is best for the kids first (since they have no way to decide it) and then what is best for you. Once you decide that then the rest of the stuff is automatic as to what happens next in your marriage.
2007-10-02 17:25:35 · answer #4 · answered by ONYX123 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you're only like 22? Let me tell you one thing , if your husband is the same age, he has a whole lot more growing up to do. You're both so young and have two children! It's very hard!! You have to lay it down and tell him he needs to get to it and help you out more.....its not fair that you do it alone! If he can't or wont try, maybe you should give yourself some time away from him. Go to your parents house for a couple of weeks...
2007-10-02 17:25:03 · answer #5 · answered by Leese07 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You married him way too young and for the wrong reason. You cannot marry someone because you got pregnant! Your life right now is a perfect example of WHY.
Definitely take your parents up on that. Thank God you have parents that could help you, so jump on their offer especially for the kids.
Your soon to be ex-husband is just an immature, irresponsible idiot. He needs alot more time before he's going to realize and appreciate all that he did have at one time.
I wish you and your children all the luck. God Bless
2007-10-02 17:30:51 · answer #6 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok first thing if you are not happy and you do not love him then leave him. you have to get your kids and go. the fact that he has only hit you once is inexcusable, how long before he does it agian ? you are still so young you have your whole life ahead of you and believe me your kids will thank you in the future for leaving him, kids can sense when there parents are unhappy and suffering through parents arguments is awful. give him regular access to the kids provided he looks after them properly and maybe he will wake up and see what an idiot he has been when you leave him.
best of luck in the future, im sure it will be a bright one.
2007-10-02 17:23:57 · answer #7 · answered by Caz 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get your tubes tied. then get a lawyer, and leave. What was going wrong in your life at 16 that you had to run off with him? Let me guess, you were either smarter than your parents, or your parents didn't care. God I feel sorry for your kids.
Going to school is the right move and nursing is a great field of study, but GET YOUR HEAD straight and get out of this situation. NO MORE KIDS either. I don't care if you find "MR RIGHT" 5 years down the road, you have two kids that are needing your undivided attention. DON'T BRING another man into your life to bail you out. You did that with this guy and see how he turned out.
I know you're not going to believe me, but you're worst days are ahead of you NOT because of the current situation you're in, but because people in your shoes tend to repeat the same mistakes, and you'll be no different unless you see that for yourself.
2007-10-02 17:39:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
you should post your question somewhere it is visible to all the girls 16 and younger, who think that marriage is the answer to their troubles. Let them learn that from your mistake of getting married so young. At the age of 22 you have the responsibility of taking care of 3 kids and trying to get a career.
Men mature later in age, you basically married a child, who is incapable of caring for himself and cannot think beyond the X-Box. Unfortunately you will get no assistance from him to raise your kids. Good luck, I hope you can make a better life for your daughters and not let them make the same mistake.
2007-10-02 17:36:25 · answer #9 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was in the same situation...he would leave our son in his play pin all day and i would write on his diaper before i went to work and when i got home he was still in the same one..it bust and the little things that i never knew were inside of diapers were all over him..just so he could sit on the computer all day long..he's was a filthy individual which i didnt know while we were dating because we never lived together. to make a long story short..i packed up my stuff and my sons things and got as far away from him as possible..it wasnt healthy or safe for my son. I have remarried and am in love with my life in general...you can do better. its not as hard as you think...( mine also cheated which is why we divorced)
2007-10-02 18:10:37 · answer #10 · answered by xolaunicaox 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋