Hiya one of my friends husbands is cheating on her? I know he is and i know who with. What should i do. They have been married for 3 years and shes wanting to start a family with him.
I dont want to be the one to ruin her happiness by telling her but at the same time i know she should know. How can i set him up so she will find out herself without knowing i knew already. She would hate me forever if she knew that i knew!
He lies so much to her and treats her like rubbish. But she loves him to bits and i know it would break her heart
2007-10-02 09:08:36 · 25 answers · asked by TADA 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
U totally just answered ur own question...If u don't tell her she'll HATE u for it, so do u really want that to happen??
If she is a friend to u then think of it this way if she knew ur hubby was cheating would u want her to tell u? I'm sure thats a yes...So have the same respect for her and tell her cuz if u don't then what kind of friend does that make u?? Better to tell her now then later yes she may love him and if u tell her she may not even believe u but at least u'll know u did the right thing.
2007-10-02 09:16:17 · answer #1 · answered by NONAME 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes these things have a way of solving themselves. If the girl is really in love she will not take no notice anyway and will blank this. However, if she is already being treat like dirt she may already know.
Opt 1. You tell her, he deny's it and leaves you the bad one.
Opt 2. You don't tell her and she finds out you are still the bad one.
Opt 3. Have a quiet word with him and see what he says, he may just be willing to break it off with the other person as he has been found out, If he is not bothered about being found out, he is not worth anything and your friend is better finding out and being hurt for a while than a few months years of embarrassment and then hurt.
Either way your friend will be hurt.
2007-10-02 16:35:25 · answer #2 · answered by Gothica 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are a good friend to be so concerned for your friend but this situation is not your business. This puts you in a very difficult situation. You don't know exactly what your friend knows about her own marriage and believe me, it's more than you think. This is her marriage, her life, her personal business. You must mess out of it. There is a chance you will ruin your friendship, should you try to 'help,' or become involved. You might gently say to her something like, "Mary, are you sure you and Bob want to start a family right now?" Or if he sees his mistress after hours, say, "Mary, where in the world does Bob go after work?" When she replies with something like, "Oh, the office, here and there..." Look directly at her and very frankly say, "Really." If she asks you to elaborate, don't. Shake your head. Say nothing. She will get the picture. Above all, keep your mouth shut. Let her deal with the situation and her husband as she sees fit.
2007-10-02 16:24:22 · answer #3 · answered by maggieeld 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have got to tell her! It's going to be hard, but you are her friend and have to let her know the truth. In the end, whether it is years down the road, or months, she will be more hurt as time goes by, and your friendship could be over if she finds out you didn't say anything when you had the opportunity. By going to the husband first, it's giving him power over you by him being able to tell you it "won't happen again". But if his supposed love for his wife can't stop his cheating, I doubt one of her friends will be able to. My advice is to tell her as soon as possible, just the two of you, and let her know that you will be there for her no matter what. It's up to her what she will want to do with whatever information you give her. If she wants to start a family with someone who lies and cheats on her, that is her own issue, but you just have to do what is right
Hope this helps, and good luck:)
2007-10-02 16:18:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think this depends on how close of friends you are. If this friend is like a best friend, then you shouldn't have to worry about her hating you, unless her husband is cheating with you. Which I don't gather is the situation. As far as setting him up for her to find out, i don't see how that is possible without telling your friend that you know he is cheating and you can prove it ( folling them to a hotel, house, etc) to catch them in the act. I I were in your shoes, I would want to protect my friend from a man who cheats and treats her badly and furthermore my friends future children with this man. I don't think you should keep quiet, you need to at least tell her that you suspect something and are only telling her because if the roles were reversed you would hope she would do the same for you.
2007-10-02 16:21:06 · answer #5 · answered by j_ace84 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her husband, tell him you know about his affair and as a friend you feel it is unfair of you not to tell your friend but however you think it would be better coming from him. Tell him you will give him two weeks to tell her or else you will. When he tells her, she may decide she wants to forgive him and if that is the case, you must support her in that decision as much as you will want to gouge his eyes out. I have had the same problem with my sister, her husband cheated on her within a year of their marriage and my other sister and I said tell her or we will, he did, she forgave him and they are still together, we hate is as he treats her like dirt knowing he can and she'll put up with it but she's still our sister so we say nothing, so frustrating but it's her life. Good luck hun.
2007-10-02 16:47:47 · answer #6 · answered by Sam 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes it will break her heart in the short term, Long term she is in for a lifetime of hurt and heartache if you dont say something. You absolutely MUST tell her.
I know just how hard this is for you but really the best thing is for her to know. I had to tell my sister that her fiance was cheating on her and it was awful. Yes she was shocked hurt and betrayed but long term it was for the best. Just be there for your friend. She may be angry and not believe you at first but how can you be a true genuiene friend by keeping this information from her - you cant :-(
Good luck and let us know how it goes
2007-10-02 16:20:34 · answer #7 · answered by princess snowflake 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If I was your friend I would want to know, I would hate to think my best friend knew and didn't tell me. When I was younger my partner and I had just had a baby she was 5months old and all he's friends at work knew he was sleep with a colleague and I found out the hard way so. I'm now not with him and now married and happy so Im glad I found out even though it hurt like hell when I found out. But thats what my friends are for and Im glad they looked out for me.
2007-10-02 16:17:05 · answer #8 · answered by jenny 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a really tricky one. I've been in this situation myself and I told my friend what he was up to. She confronted her husband, believed him when he said it was all lies, and I lost two good friends because of it. Oh, they split up a couple of years later because he was playing around again but we were never friends again. So, I would suggest you ask yourself just how well you know your friend, and that might help give you some idea on whether or not to tell her. Maybe there's someone else you could ask to tell her for you?
2007-10-02 18:35:59 · answer #9 · answered by Silver Lady 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If I were in your postion I would prob talk to her hubby. I would tell him that either he tells her or I will.
No matter how painful it would be a really bad idea for your friend to start a family with this man. She at least should have the knowledge of his behaviour and then be able to make a decision for herself.
I do not envy you your position- good luck in your choice!
X
2007-10-02 16:24:52 · answer #10 · answered by Baby B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋