Men & Abortion?

Question

I'm pro-choice. However, I'm often disturbed about men not having any say in whether to keep a child or not. Sometimes the woman decides to keep the child when the man is not ready to be a father hence the child suffers. I know it takes two to get pregnant and yes I know it's a woman's body and nobody should control her body. But I also think the man is completely cut off from the decision making process, although the responsibilities will have to be equally shared-- which is not fair.

What are some of the ways we can make this process more equal? I'm taking about ONCE THE WOMAN IS PREGNANT. Don't give me the "they should have protected sex" etc.

And please eliminate the women vs male bashing and try to concentrate on solutions.

OK. Some of you are reducing fatherhood to child support and a paycheck. An ideal/responsible father dedicates his life, time and money into raising the child. I know my father did and so do a lot of other men. So to say, he doesn't have much responsiblity once the child is here, is to accept inadequate men with only a paycheck as real fathers.

Answer 1

Its really a great question Lioness, and one that cuts right to the heart of the 'equality' discussion. Many different ideas come to mind, so I'll try to wade through them and make some sense of them...

There are 2 scenarios, as I see them:
1. Woman wants baby, man does not
2. Man wants baby, woman does not

In the first case, the woman should take full responsibility for the child...financial, caregiving, etc. I'm certain this scenario is the one in which men would see themselves as being trapped...and truly, if a woman is trying to extort money or time or a relationship from him simply because she's pregnant, I can't blame them. I realize it takes two to tango, but if a man makes his intentions clear, then a woman choosing to go forward should do so knowing that she is going it alone.

The second scenario is a sad one. If a man wants that baby, but the woman does not, I truly don't think that he has the right to force her to have it. I am pro-choice because I believe in a woman's right to determine what happens to her body. For the same reason, I don't believe that a woman should have any say, whatsoever, in a man's decision to have or not have a vasectomy. Our bodies are our only true property. And I believe that we need to have the final say.

Neither situation is a good one, and could be avoided by having this conversation before engaging in sexual activity of any kind. Is that practical? No, of course not. But really, it is the only way that two people can know how the other will handle the situation...and might encourage them to take every precaution necessary...

Answer 2

I believe that a woman has a right to decide any issue that effects her body, but her decision also has an effect on the father. It is the responsibility that when two single people engage in sex, they both have the same responsibility to use birth control. I'm older but in the old days a lot of women got pregnant as a way to trap a man into a commitment. I do not believe that this is the issue, now. I believe that if a woman makes a unilateral decision to have a child, the law should not make the man paid for her decision, That is where I believe that the law, has to even out the playing field in these cases.
If she "alone" makes the decision to have the baby .That she needs to prove to the court that she has the capability to raise the child alone.

Answer 3

I'm sorry, but the RESPONSIBILITY and ACCOUNTABILITY comes to play. You are responsible for your actions, negligent or not, and you will be accountable for your actions, negligent or not. There is no simple solution to avoid the inevitable when it comes to a Woman's decision to have the child or not, and the Man's decision to have the child or not and/or pay child support or not.

Either way you look at it, the child loses when he/she is born or the unborn child is aborted. Who pays the price after all is said and done? The Mother who had the abortion or kept the child? NO. The Father who wanted the child and/or didn't want to pay child support? NO. It's pretty obvious to me, that two selfish adults will bicker over a life form that has no say whatsoever and relies heavily on the decisions of the Adults who enjoyed the sexual activities that led up to conception. It then becomes a "no body's child." Isn't that sad and pathetic? There are many People who would want to adopt, but that's another issue.

The only solution would be to choose your partner wisely, have sex with the ones you want to have your children with and have a mutual agreement/understanding of where each partner stands when it comes to pregnancy. Other than that? Expect the unexpected.

Answer 4

OK, I'll give my view on how to make the situation more fair. First of all, I do as a guy, believe abortion should be the WOMAN'S choice. It is a woman's body and she has to bear the brunt of effort, not to mention pain, health risks, and physical deterioration, in bringing the baby to life. ANY attempt to mingle the guy into the decisionmaking process would potentially lead to some truly frightening or sadistic scenarios. There is simply no alternative to the current situation. In fact, I would give women the right to require the father to pay for the entire abortion. If they made a boo-boo, she is already paying for it by going through with the potentially amaging procedure; he should be paying for it financially.

By the same token, I believe people should have the sole ownership of their eggs/sperm, while the ownership of a fertilized egg should be joint (i.e. no implanting if any party objects, unless a party in agreement with the other party waives all their rights to the fertilized egg in which case it would automatically waive the rights/responsibilities for the future child).

Now, the place where there could be much more fairness is on the issue of child custody. I believe a very pragmatic solution should be as follows:

1) Paternity testing should be legally mandatory for ALL children. That would put a cap on cuckolding.

2) Fathers should not be required to pay for child support UNLESS they are given joint custody, i.e. a say in raising their biological child. Psychologically this would be a HUGE boost for the fathers and would increase the willingness to pay for support. I believe the current situation in which is perfectly possible to have responsibilities but no rights with respect to a child is very unfair to men, and makes them extremely resentful. The only exceptions I would make if it the presence of the father could be demonstrated to be detrimental to the child, e.g. because of a mental illness. The father can of course waive the right, which one might look at as a hastle, but would still have to pay the support.

3) Trapping guys by impregnation under false pretences should be a crime, e.g. lying about taking birth control on purpose. Again, the reasonable doubt standard would probably mean that the woman would not be charged if it is merely a he-said/she-said situation. But if it can be proven, guys should be given the option of being absolved of rights/responsibilities towards the child.

Answer 5

What would be right if I was accidental pregnant is if we talk about what we both want to do and go from there.

If he is a good person and really wants a child (wants to be a father) than I feel that I would have to seriously consider having the child. And we would talk about how we can be good parents to this child. I think that is the right way.

But that is what I would do and what I hope. Some women are in a bad relationship where that just is not going to happen.

And what can happen to the woman is worse than what can happen to the man so I feel that the legal right to choose must be hers. I'm sorry but I believe that is as fair as it can be.

Answer 6

I can see this question cutting two different ways. Either the man wants the child and the woman does not. Or the woman wants the child and the man does not. In either case, open and honest communication beforehand could have prevented a lot of problems. If the man wants to keep the child and the woman is in favor of abortion, then he should never have sex with her. If the woman is in favor of having the child and he does not want the responsibility, then he should not have sex with her. If both parties want a baby, then they should have lots of incredibly great hot wild sex. If both parties are in favor of abortion, then they should have lots of incredibly great hot wild sex. It's all about having enough brains to make sure you're both on the same page before you jump in bed and do the horizontal dance.

Answer 7

Why are men held to a set of responsibilities without any choice when the women are not held to any responsibility with several choices?

Then to turn around and say feminism is about "equality" is as blatant a lie as I have ever heard. This is one of the reasons so many people take the word "feminism" in a bad light. Most people detest hypocrisy.

Her body, her choice but his responsibility. Any who support such sexism is a sexual bigot.

Those posting about child support need to do a bit of research because everything I read here was absolutely incorrect. Not one fact surfaced in all the statements about child support. Are there really that many ignorant people or are they lying or simply stupid?

There are only two answers to make even the attempt of 'equality', which simply cannot ever happen.
1) Allow fathers the legal ability for a 'paper abortion', denying parenthood in all facets in the same time frame as women have in physical abortion.
2) Abolish abortion on demand and force all parents in every possible combination to be fully and equally responsibility for the children's welfare, instructions, support.

Answer 8

this is a delicate issue. strange as this may be, this might be one issue SOME (radical )feminists and some (radical) anti-feminists agree on! many extreme feminists who feel there is no need at all for a father in a child's life think men should be able to sign away all rights to a child before it is even born if they are not "ready" for the task of a child. i completely disagree with this line of thought. just a funny thing i was thinking about when i read this question, because many anti-feminists want to absolve themselves of responsibility for child support and also have put forth the idea of signing away rights before the child is born. i think they're all insane. why devalue the role of the father even more? women shouldn't always have to do it on their own.

anyway, a woman's body is her own. No one-no one-can force her into abortion or into giving birth. women have to go through pregnancy, labor, etc, and therefore, they have the final say. i know it's a bummer for men, but it is what it is. i wish more men would get vasectomy's so women didn't have to take birth control or get their tubes tied--but guess what--i can't make them. it's their body.

we all must have control over our own bodies.

Answer 9

As much as I wish men and women were interchangeable, it isn't so. Because it is the woman who carries the child in her body (with permanent body altering reprecussions), the one who breast feeds, the one who is most at risk, it is the woman who ultimately makes the decision. Personally, having had 2 children myself, I would have LOVED it and preferred if my husband was the one to be pregnant. However I wish it so, it ain't happening. Has nature set men up for a raw deal in parental rights? Yep. But women have more of a raw deal (until the last 40 years). Should parental decision be shared equally? Yes. That being said, do you think it would be fair to force a woman to have an abortion/baby because the male does or does not want responsibility? No. However, once a child is born and men are forced to fork over their paychecks to assist in it's upbringing, our court system doesn't care at all about the 2 irresponsible people that brought that innocent baby into the world - they are thinking soley about that child.

Most women I know involve their men in every way in deciding whether or not to have a child. Until then, may I suggest birth control, sterilization or abstinence as there's always a bad apple somewhere along the way.

Answer 10

I'm pregnant now, and yes I am happily married. I'm also pro-life. I think that this question doesn't address the real issue, and that real issues are pre-marital sex, unprotected sex, and divorce (three things that can lead to a baby out of wed-lock). If a man thinks that he should be able to tell his girlfriend whether or not to have an abortion if he doesn't want a child now, that is absurd. Maybe he should think about that before he sleeps around.

Also, my parents divorced when I was 3, and I can tell you from experience that the small amount of child support that my father actually contributed was not nearly enough for my Mom to support my sister and I. Assuming that women are getting pregnant on purpose to get a paycheck is ridiculous. With the average child support being as low as it is in this country, I don't think anyone would make money on that deal.