Is it necessary to marry a woman who has children ?

Question

I keep hearing "If you're over thirty, and you want to get married, you have to marry somebody with children !" . Is this true ? Aren't there people who wouldn't make a good stepparent ? Aren't some people much better off marrying a childless woman ? Can ANYBODY inspire children to be respectful and obedient ? Children won't obey somebody's rules if they don't want to, and they don't want to . Whenever I've been in charge of children, they've usually decided I'm somebody they don't have to obey, and I can't have that in my home . I'd have to have my rules obeyed and respected, and children aren't obedient and respectful . If Mom has a second husband, Dad has a second wife, and everybody's making rules for the kids, isn't that "too many cooks in the kitchen" ?

Answer 1

I don't think it's necessary to marry a woman with children, it's up to you. If you love her, her kids like you, etc.

I don't believe that it's "too many cooks" in the kitchen, especially if you love the kids and their mom all the adults should come together for the greater good of the children.

If the mother raised them well, they will be respectful/obedient etc.

Raising a child that isn't your own can be difficult, but it's a choice that you will have to make if you decide to be in a relationship/marriage with a woman that has children.

Answer 2

In this day and age, the ideals that go along with marriage over the age of 30 are outdated. Maybe 30-40 years ago, when women were still primarily homemakers and married young this applied, but now, with women taking on high profile jobs (and many many years of education beyond high school) it is becoming increasingly common for women to wait until their 30's to marry and sometimes even their 40's.

Without saying that though, you don't choose who you fall in love with, but you CAN choose to act upon it...if a woman has children you can choose to stay away and find a woman that has no children.

As far as your ideals about other's children respecting you....... well, without a solid relationship with the child, trust and mutual respect (yes, you have to respect children also) then you will never get them to "obey" you. It's different when they are your kids, but when you are new to their lives, you have to earn the right to be able to direct their behavior, you cannot assume because you are the adult and they are children that they will heed to you. In fact, that's a a good trait (children that obey any adult that comes along puts themselves at high risk for sexual and physical abuse because they have not learned how to say NO)

When it comes to stepparents...the mom and dad should set the rules, but the stepparents should make a relationship with the children and then step up to help ENFORCE the rules set forth by their parents. They should not punish the child nor make decisions or rules for that child. This way the child knows that the stepparent is united with their parent, but are not "out to get them" as so many children think when their parent remarries.

Answer 3

I heard the same too. Personally I think it's bulls. I have hard time even in thinking of making my own children can you imagine if I feel like nurturing somebody else's.
Now the only possible reason why people think this is sort of a market problem. Since they consider that a man over thirty is some sort of second hand or cheap stuff that no real glamorous and healthy young fresh female would ever buy, he has to turn to a B market, namely, single women with children, who because of their "challenge" (children) cannot have too high expectation and demand, so they will accomodate with second choice stuff.
I really don't know who put in people's mind such a hysterical used car market view but it would really be high time to remind them that from 30 to 40 is men's full and ripe maturity and their best period of life.
Keep it your way and look for what you like and need.

Answer 4

You don't have to marry a woman with children! Marry who you want to marry. Although after a certain age you are limited on the selection of woman without children, but don't base your decisions on that. If you fall in love with a woman with kids fine... if you fall in love with a childess woman great! Becoming a step parent is difficult and there are things about co-parenting that need to be discussed. The whole thing with woman and kids and being the boyfriend is to map out a plan and find out where the boundaries on discipline are and then decide if you can handle them.

Answer 5

Sometimes you have to build a relationship with said children to have them respect you- its not a given anymore like when we were kids. We encourage our children to question authority now, not blindly follow any ******.
Giving them that responsibility means we have to do things like talk to them, honor their choices and take what they want into consideration, too(I'm not talking about eating cookies before dinner- ya know- real subjects). You hit it right on the head- "Inspire them to be respectful" - not force them to. You know you have to earn respect, right? Believe me, if you are a tyrant, they will treat you as such and rebel(and sorry, but it kind of sounds like you may be - a little- sorry).
Too many cooks in the kitchen- only if Mom and Dad can't agree. I'm a good stepmom, but we have definitely had our disrespect and disobedience(they're kids!), but love overcame.
For you, it seems simple- if you like kids and can deal with having a little strife(unless you WANT zombies), date a woman with kids- if not- avoid them, dear.

Answer 6

no.. why do you think you have to listen to anybody other than your own heart???? only you know what is best for you in that regard, and it sounds like you really might not want children. if that is the case, marry someone without them, who also doesn't want to have them. women over 30 can still have children, so make sure if you don't want them, that she doesn't want them either.... before you get married...

there is a certain percentage of people in this world who are not maternal/paternal. that is a fact. it doesn't make them bad people. it makes them smart for not bringing children into the world who are not really wanted. i have 3 very good friends who don't have children.... they never wanted them and they knew at an early age.... just trust your instincts... and learn to shut out the critics who think they know what is best for you...

Answer 7

I think that is a ridiculous idea. Not everyone has or wants children. There are tons of people that don't make good parents or step-parents, children aren't for everyone.

Answer 8

hahaha it's not necessary to marry a woman who has children. it's not necessary to marry anyone. whatever you decides works for you is what's right. it is certainly possibly to teach children to be more respectful and obidient, but if you don't feel up to the challenge, then don't do it.

Answer 9

NO
I am 29 and single. i refuse to date men with children. period.
I often end up dating younger men.