I have been married to my wife for 19 years and I love her very much but our sex life is teribale. I have a friend with bennifets but I am not in love with her. should I keep this up or not.
2007-10-02 08:31:15 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you ever thought that there is a reason why your sex life is nonexistent? Did you ever think of trying to find out what is wrong? Is your wife taking anti-depressants, or is your wife going through the change of life? Instead of trying to search out the problem and save your marriage of 19 years and the love of your wife, you hurry up and have sex with someone else. This tells me that your 19 year marriage and the woman you love is actually lip service on your part. You know that you should not be having a friend with benefits and that it is wrong. There are reasons that the sex life falls off and it could be nothing, or it could be something like Cancer etc. It could be you didn't get the part "In Sickness or in Health." I do feel sorry for your wife if she finds out, and the pain she will have to go through. If she finds out and throws you out, you will deserve it. Learning how to live alone again will be a hard thing for you. I hope there are no children going to be hurt by this.
2007-10-02 09:06:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
BE CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU SAY! Is it that you're not having that giddy feeling after 19 years, or is it that you really just don't give a s**t if she lives or if she dies? If you care about her as a person, then you probably still love her. A sucky sex life is normal at this point in the relationship, especially if you have children. I have no idea what your life with her is like. Does she deny you every bit of sex or is it that you're just not satisfied with the way that things are going?
To say that after all those years things go stale is a gross understatement! Yes it's going to be boring after so many years, but it's going to take work. After all those years there's probably a lot of resentment built up on both of your ends. It's going to take a long, LONG time of getting yourselves both to the point where you're willing to work on it...but I'd say it's wort it, especially if there are kids involved.
Whatever you do, do NOT commit anything to these friends with benefits and hope to God that she doesn't find out about it. If you want to work on your relationship with your wife, you need to maybe work on ending those benefitted friends and just take care of yourself. Because it's going to take a lot of effort on your part as well as your wife's. But do you know if she's given up already as well? Maybe she has friends with benefits too...in which case you two might just consider something of an open marriage.
My overall advice is to try to stick it out and work on the sex thing. Because if you have everything else with her, then why not just try to work on it? There are some good books out there that help you spice up your sex life...or sometimes you both just need to get sex out of the way, even if you're not really feeling in the mood.
Best of luck to you both!
2007-10-02 15:39:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe if you put the extra effort that your little friend has taken back into your marriage your sex life would not be so terrible. I don't understand how it could be terrible if you really love her. Honestly, wouldn't you be insulted if she had the friend with benefits knowing what is going on in your bedroom? I can't believe that you would need to ask a question like this-it suggests that you are morally bankrupt and I really hope that's not true.
2007-10-02 15:39:07 · answer #3 · answered by bfldmom3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your friend with benefits is why your sex life sucks with your wife... if you did not have another avenue, you would do something about your situation... it requires effort and sometimes some extra cash ( if you can afford too ) but you need to put some romance back into your life... send her flowers everyday till you get laid, then the day after you get some, send the kids off ( if they are still at home ) and dim the lights, have a meal waiting... and flowers in the bedroom... just keep plugging away at everything you can do till it gets better.... if she doesn't respond, then you may want to try some counseling... sex therapy might be fun!! it doesn't have to be an embarrassment
2007-10-02 15:37:52 · answer #4 · answered by Jeanette 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Rather dumb, don't you think?
I understand that there are relationships where the wife is accepting of this sort of arrangement. Have you received you wife's consent for this? If so, then I suppose you may as well carry on, but somehow I doubt that you have. In that case, you are a dishonest person. You will soon be found out and your marriage will be in ruins. That is precisely what you deserve.
2007-10-02 15:41:09 · answer #5 · answered by MisterDirk 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wives always find out eventually. You will make a mistake, or your "friend" will get pissed and call her.
So you have to ask yourself, do you want a divorce? If you do, why not just end the marriage. If you don't then you need to cut off this "friend" and work on your marriage. There can be many reasons why you and her aren't having a good sex life. You should work on finding out why.
2007-10-02 15:36:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
you will become addicted to your friend with benifets
and you are hurting your wife what your doing is wrong
instead of trying to work on the problem with your wife you go out out and have an affair
you and the other woman deserve eachother
you should come clean to your wife so she can find a man who really loves her
2007-10-02 15:45:40 · answer #7 · answered by summerbliss 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, I am kind of in the same situation. however I have only been married 6 years with a lover for 3 years. I have 2 kids. recently my lover and I have been getting more serious as my wife have been pissing me off more.
so to answer your question: go where you love is..are you in love with your wife or in love with your friend..
2007-10-02 15:51:10 · answer #8 · answered by chris m 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
idiot, how do you say you love your wife very much in the same sentence as you have a friend with benefits?!
Maybe you're the reason sex isn't really good.
2007-10-02 15:50:21 · answer #9 · answered by tammy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know i will never understand why people run for the nearest thing that will sleep with them instead of trying to work things out with their spouse. too lazy? probably. marriage is hard work. it's not all going to fall in your lap. it's not always the fairy tale ending with the happy couple having the best sex of their lives while rolling around in a field of butterflies. it takes work. news flash! your sex life doesn't only suck to you. it sucks to her too. after years of the same old sex, i'm sure that she is tired of having sex with you too. as her hubby, it is your duty and job to make that better instead of cheat on her. loser.
2007-10-02 15:40:25 · answer #10 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋