this is what ive written so far in my book would you read it?

Question

Prolouge

There is finally peace on Earth. The year is 2050, ut millions of galaxies away the battle of the heavens is just starting. On planet Devulsion, there are 4 countries. Eton, Hoct, Elroy, and Zeen. For each counrty, the citizens elect a king. As soon as the King is elected they are premortal. Meaning They cannot die unless murdered, or an accident. For 2050 years each country had 1 King. But then one day a bounty hunter kills a king. The bounty hunter was hired by the King Of Elroy...

Answer 1

sounds really good idea, however, you need to explain it more in detail and dont rush the storyline.i think you should explain what each planet is like, why there is only one king for each and why this system has been set up (perhaps it is an ancient law set up by some immortal??). explain who the bounty hunter is, where they have come from and why they killed the king, you said they were hired, who were they hired by and why? you could make a whole story out of these few sentances, you just need to pace yourself, and good luck :D

keep me update. why not join Write_space here on yahoo groups, where we can help you write and improve your stories, as well as giving you feedback?

Answer 2

It sounds like an interesting premise, but you don't give any indication of where the story is going to go. Perhaps the prologue could be the story of that bounty hunter killing the king, or even him just reporting back to the one who hired him and that man's reaction.

Answer 3

Not a very good prologue in my opinion.

You're giving away the excitement! Make it more mysterious... And more drawing. You don't want readers to be like: "That's it..?!" And "that's it" doesn't mean it's too short, but on the contrary, too long! Too long in giving away info that is! Make it lengthier, yet not giving away information. Make it more mysterious.
Good luck!

Answer 4

You like fragments

Answer 5

Nope. It's too confusing, and just not my type of reading.