I cant decide whether to keep my baby?

Question

I have found out that im six weeks pregnant and am not sure what to do. My boyfriend who i have been with for four years doesnt like the idea of starting a family as we havent got a house. We have booked to go travelling in April and was meant to be going for a year.

He says he doesn't think he's ready and he thinks having a baby should be planned. He doesnt want to miss out on doing things in his life.

A big part of me wants to keep the baby and use the tickets for travelling to go on a 3 week holiday before i have the baby. I havent been able to talk to my parents about this, im 21 years old and he's 24. We both have fairly good jobs.

I dont know what to do.........as i dont want to be the one to ruin his life

Answer 1

this is the wrong place for this question. All the ultra conservatives will be all over you.

It is your decision not anyone elses and only you know if you are ready to be a single parent. You have to be prepared that your man might disappear. Since he is not on board already.

Answer 2

It's a tricky one. But I can assure you you won't be ruining his life if you go ahead and have this baby. A baby is the most precious thing in the world and I can almost guarantee that once it arrives your b/friend will be smitten. My husband and I were trying for a baby and when I fell pregnant he wasn't sure, he was nervous, didn't know if he'd make a good dad, now he can't even speak her name without coming out in a goofy smile.

Not to say that all men are the same, obviously your man may well turn round and leave you if you have the baby, but is that the baby's fault? This little one was created out of love, don't abort it just because the father doesn't think he wants it. If he doesn't love it, I'm sure you'll love it twice as much.

You've been blessed with a wonderful thing, don't throw it away.

Answer 3

Hi,

It is a big shock to the two of you as you have only just found out that you are pregnant and now worrying about what the future holds.

We can't tell you what to do hun as it has to be YOUR choice and one you happy with.

Having a baby can be hard work but at same time it can be lovely to see your little one in your arms and that.

I fell pregnant myself at your age - sadly I lost Matthew at 18 weeks pregnant. My ex wanted us to get rid of him but I refused as I loved the baby the minute I knew it was inside me. Losing him was so hard.

If you know deep down that you want this baby then please keep it - don't go making choices based on your boyfriend's happiness as who knows he could leave you in 6 months whether you pregnant or not and it be too late to turn clock back then!

If you really are unsure what to do then maybe go back to GP and discuss the issues with them and the choices you have ... abortion/adoption etc.

Also your boyfriend is a little irresponsible at 24 to say he isn't ready for a baby if he didn't use a condom. If he doesn't want children then he should protect himself from getting into these situations.

All the best and I hope you make a decision soon and one that YOU are happy with.

Good luck!

Lx

Answer 4

Regardless of all the opinions you will get the choice is yours. You need to think long and hard because only you have to live with that decision for the rest of your life. You should discuss it with him and your parents but have a close look at yourself too and how you feel.

Remember if u keep the baby , he may not stay and that is something you have to think about.

My personal opinion ( and I have been there) - if you make your bed you should lie in it.Having baby doesn't mean missing out - just means delaying what you want to do. At 21 it is a big decision and will change the course of your life.


Everyone will say you should have, could have , would have , must .............................
I honestly wish you luck , be brave and follow your heart. If you want to chat - email me.

Answer 5

Firstly, a pregnancy is NEVER planned, its not something you can predict is gonna happen, and secondly, you won't ruining your lifes by having this baby.

I personally, don't agree with abortion but then again i have never been in a situation where i have to decide, but i do know someone who had one and she said it was the biggest mistake of her life, a good relationship went down the drain because of it, it does put a strain on the relationship and some people cope with it, others don't.

But, at the end of the day, its your decesion, no one can tell you what to do. So the very best of luck ; )

Do whatever you feel is the right decesion.

Answer 6

Sorry, but who is the one who will be looking after the baby?
If it is you, then it is solely your decision. How would you feel if you kept the baby or aborted it? You have to decide do you think of it as a 'baby' or an 'unwanted pregnancy?'
if the former then you have to decide what you think you will feel in say 18 years time when they may decide to come looking for you if you 'give the child away', or do you want to bring a baby up without the father who may not want anything to do with it's upbringing.
or finally can you live with yourself for aborting a 'fetus' not a 'baby' if you think of it as a baby, maybe best not to.
Not an easy option, lots to think about. you will make the right decision, my friend's daughter had to make this recently and although for the sake of her relationship she 'aborted' it i don't think she was totally happy, but if the relationship didn't work you would always blame the 'baby'
Whatever you decide you have to live with it and make sure that it is 'your' decision and not someone elses'. do you have the support if you decide to go ahead with it and hopefully you are not doing it for selfish reasons eg; no one loves me but my baby will!

Answer 7

This is one of those sticky situations. I have a few questions for you to think about that might help you decide what to do:

1. If you keep the baby, what will you expect of the father (since he obviously doesn't want a child yet)?

2. If you keep the baby, is the father going to stay with you or will he go on with his life? If he stays with you, is he going to resent you for "making" him keep the baby? If he goes on with his life, are you going to pursue child support?

3. Are you ready to hold on to the baby and let go of your boyfriend?

5. Are you ready to raise a child on your own?

I was adopted at 2 months of age and I have no bad feelings towards my birth mother. She was 19 and wanted to go to college, but didn't think she'd be able to do that and raise me. She gave me up and I was adopted by a great family! There's no shame is giving your baby up. You could be giving a wonderful and loving couple their only chance to have a child!

Good luck...not sure if I helped at all.

Answer 8

You should think about the impact on your life not just your partners. Children change your life dramatically. I wouldn't be able to abort a baby, but if you really want this baby are you ready to give up your boyfriend if he doesn't want to stick around or if he does stick around will you both resent the child for not being able to do the things in life you have planned. Tough choice, hope you are able to sort it out.

Answer 9

Only you can answer this question because it really depends on what is important to you in life.

Personally speaking, I feel that any child that I have created deserves to live. To me, killing a human being, especially one that is part of me, is an abomination. TO ME, that is. The rights of that child would supercede my partner's desire to travel, or experience life or whatever. After all, if he felt that strongly, shouldt he have used protection?

You may feel differently however.

I understand that not everybody feels that way about things but I would also say that if you are having doubts about having an abortion, its probably a sign that you shouldnt go ahead with it (the abortion that is). My friend thought having an abortion would be plain saling and she ended up sinking into deep depression for two years, and couldnt bear to be around pregnant women, or babies.

Edited to add: if after having your child, your partner disapppears, that will be a shame, but ulitmately it will be a effective test of his strength of character. Having children is NOT EASY, I cant stress that enough, even when there is two of you, let alone one. But if he bails out because of something he helped to create, and is unable to face up to his responsibility, you really have to ask yourself of what value he is to you.

good luck with your decision love !

Answer 10

No-one can tell you what todo about this. I have always belied in pro-choice. If I tell you to keep it or get rid of it, it will have no meaning to you. Sure, if you don't have it, your freedom is restored. If you have it, I can tell you that it'll be hard, but there's just no greater miracle in this world than having your own child.

So, what to do? Keep it, have a bit of a hard time, but revel in the joy of having your own child and be so influential in someone growing up, or let go of it and party all night long.

You decide. The choice is entirely yours.