When I am upset because of something my husband has done, I want to talk about it. Usually he doesn't think he has done anything wrong so he doesn't want to talk about it. This infuriates me. It ruins every day for me and eventually I end up apoligizing so things will be better. What do I do? It doesn' t happen all the time, but when it does, it takes me like a week to recover.
2007-10-02 08:15:20 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why can't you just let it go? And if he doesn't think he has done anything wrong, why does your opinion matter and his does not? Why does it ruin EVERY day for you? Why are you mad for a week? What do you think it is like to live with someone who is always simmering? It seems to me that everything to you is a battle to be won. He may not feel the matter important enough to discuss (or listen to you gripe about how wrong he is). Or worse, he is resigned to the fact he can't win an argument with you because you can't let it go, so why bother. Eventually, you can be right all alone. Other posters have suggested you ask him nicely - that sounds like a plan. Some have said to treat him nicely - another good plan. People are more inclined to please others who are not demanding immediate obedience.
Ask yourself, "Will it matter in an hour or a day?" If it doesn't, either let it go or wait awhile before you talk to him about it. If it will, ask him nicely if he can fix the problem for you. Don't tell him how to fix the problem unless he asks for your suggestions. If he won't fix an obvious problem, then perhaps he is not worth the stress in your life. If this happens frequently, is this how you want to live your entire marriage?
2007-10-02 10:31:10 · answer #1 · answered by RDW928 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing that you need to do, it's what he needs to do. he obviously has some communication issues. it could just be because he does not know how to talk to you about your problems. under no circumstance should you be apologizing to him for something he did wrong, just to get back to normal. ask him if he will go to counseling with you. it's amazing how much people open up in front of a completely stranger. if he doesn't want to, then give him an ultimatum. tell him that you are tired of always feelings this way and he can either talk to you or you will leave.
2007-10-02 15:21:16 · answer #2 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're like most people in this world, you fight to win and that is where most people make their mistake. A disagreement or fight should never be about winning, it should be about telling the other person how their actions make you feel. When you fight to win, the other person is naturally going to be on the defense and not want to listen to the real issue; how the problem makes you feel. Don't forget to listen how the other person feels too; it's important. If you can get past the winning, then it will truly be win win for you both.
2007-10-02 15:24:33 · answer #3 · answered by Older Guy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy...I've been down this path before. To begin with...you apologizing does nothing but strengthen his resolve. Never apologize for something that isn't entirely your fault.
I know how exhausting this can be. If its a minor infraction....make your displeasure known. I suspect if you keep calling him on it during every occasion he does it he'll tire of it and conform. If not and its something that can be allowed to let go...do so. If you just keep your conversations civil but curt and to a minimum...he'll come to you and ask what the problem is. Just act cool and indifferent and give him the "Nothing dear...nothing" routine. Tell you what...that eats at guys. Drives them bat guano. Sooner or later he'll see the light. Just remember...marriage involves two people. If one rfuses to communicate then there can't be a marriage anymore. Remind him of that.
2007-10-02 15:23:12 · answer #4 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I disagree with the other posters.
When I am mad at my (easy to get along with) husband, it is uasually because I am hormonal and not being rational. If he tries to talk to me about it, it only makes things worse. He tries really hard to just be sweet to me if he can tell that I am not being rational. There isn't anything else he can do.
It was really hard toward the beginning of our marraige but now he just knows how to not get on my bad side. :)
2007-10-02 15:28:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋