Is there hope for me or should I be a hermit?

Question

I am 26 years old and I am very unhappy. I feel like I don’t know up from down. I don’t have the life that I want and all I really want is to be more confident and live without pain.

My body aches and I am forever tired. I am moody and impatient. My sinuses make my head and face feel like painful lead weights that are about to explode and that’s every single day of my life. My back aches from god knows what because I never lift a thing and when I did work with my back it was the same. I am hard of hearing. I have almost no confidence in social settings and I am lonely. When I go out, I am speechless. Those that try to engage me are met with a smile and blank eyes for I have no idea what they are talking about even when my deaf ears manage to hear them, but I try to convey that I have no malice against them with a smile. As one can guess it doesn’t make for an enlightening conversation.

The only time when I am not awkward and anxious is when I’m so high on pills and alcohol that I can’t even remember what happened. I know that there is a great person within. I know it intuitively, but there is evidence as well. When I wake from the nights of partying that I can’t remember I have knew friends. Mostly women who want to go out with me but it’s always the same result. They think that I’m not having a good time if we go out or they think I’m immature along with what ever else I don’t know because I’m not a mind reader. I can only guess that the key to my social success lies buried beneath immense layers of inhibition.

Why am I this way? I could blame it on my parents but all that’s in the past. The present is in my hands and I have to deal with the scars alone.

I carry a lot of guilt. I have unwillingly committed many offenses to my friends, family and most painfully against my first love. I hardly remember what I’ve done or why because of my poor memory and a scattered brain, but I do remember what I did to my first love. I was cold to her. I never talked to her about us without anger. When she was upset and needed me the most I would abandon her to herself. One time in particular plays over and over in my head every day. She was emotional again and I was leaving again. We lived together. This time she begged me not to go. She really, really needed me and I left anyway. The vision of her tear-filled face is burned in my memory as I closed the door on her and in the end, us. I pushed her away and when she left I just wanted to die.

Just so the reader doesn’t think that I only want a pity party, I’ll balance it out with some positive things. Since I’ve had my heart broken I’ve been forced to get to know myself. Were I previously had almost no contact with self, I now am set on the daily growth of mind and body and getting to know who I am. I have taken great leaps in career, self-esteem and relationships. Even though I am not yet happy I feel that my dedication and tenacity will pay off in the future.

I frequently offend people. I hurt my girlfriends. My father is ashamed of me. I am lazy, drink too much, have no self-esteem and I can’t dance. Should I do society a favor and go live alone in the mountains?

Answer 1

There is hope for everyone. There is a time in all people's lives when they feel they are at their lowest. however, those who chose to try and get back on top always come back stronger.

My advice to you would be to stop drinking and taking pills. Not only are they a mere temporary solution to a long term problem, but they are doing more harm then good to your confused brain.

Firstly,I would go and see a counselor,in order to get your emotions in order. This is very important for your mental well being.
Also, I would consult a doctor for your pain, as there will be somthing that can safely help cure it. Perhaps massage therapy will aid your back.

You say you are hard of hearing. I suggest,join a sign language class. Not only will this give you a new way to communicate,but it will help you make new friends and meet new people. Once you have conquered your fears in the sign language class, join a dance class! Even if you feel a fool, you will have a laugh,and also get excercise.

You say you hurt people, so I suggest allow them to come to you, in these classes and in daily life. Make friends gradually,and once you learn how to keep them, then maybe you could search for an understanding girlfriend, however, I would suggest that untill you have all the above sorted out, I would steer clear of girlfriends for the time being.

Don't worry about what your family think of you too much, because now that you are older, you can choose your own family, and learn to value and respect them.

I am only 19 so I don't have much life experience, but I speak from the heart, and i sincerely hope i have helped in some small way.

remember, society is made up of many people like you, and is not some sort of outside club, judging you and not letting you in. Stay strong, and stay clean!

Answer 2

I understand your bitterness about being hurt, but I think you're overreacting a little, honey. You don't have to end up living in a cave with 40 cats and your imaginary friends just because you're not married. There are lots of people who aren't married who do amazing things and who lead full and interesting lives, so don't let the unkindness of some stupid girl rob you of a full and happy existence for yourself. You need to stop worrying so much about your love life and cultivate some friendships with single people. Take a class, get involved in volunteering or charity work of some kind, so you can meet people and give your life meaning and purpose apart from being married. And think of the benefits of not being married - you won't be tied down, you won't have to spend your money on other people, you can travel and have fun, and you can even date as long as you're honest with the person about not marrying. Judging by your question, you might benefit from some sessions with a counselor. You seem to be very depressed and cynical about life and people, and a counselor can help you get a fresh perspective on life. I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

No, no, no. Grab a phone book, get a number for a psychologist, and make an appointment. In the meantime, I wish I could talk to you in person. You are SO not alone in this. Many, many people are "social misfits", and 99% of the time, it is because they had a severe trauma in their past, a lot of them don't even realize it or recall it. I have a very close friend who is a carbon copy of what you are revealing here. The fact that you are drinking in excess, have physical aches and pains, have no self-esteem and no energy is proof that you are trying to medicate the pain of severe depression. It could even be chemical imbalance. All I can say in this short space and this forum is please don't give up. You are not beyond hope....far from it. You write beautifully.....you certainly don't have verbal communication problems. Feel free to email me if you want to discuss this further.

Answer 4

No, isolation can cause loneliness/boredom.

Stop being too hard on yourself. Sounds like you're an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). Stop taking things personally & start practicing PATIENCE.

Try yoga/meditation. . . . . . . . . But bible/prayers works best plus always surround yourself with kind/happy people (if not, get a puppy/kitten) so you won't be alone.

Life is tough, so always see the glass as "HALF FULL". Never look for happiness on temporal/material things.

Remember: Everything in life is just a "PASSING PHASE"

Regarding social skills & self confidence, it's an art & a skill you need to master by observing others & self.

"Knowing others is wisdom. . . . . . .
Knowing thyself is enlightenment"- Lao Tzu

Answer 5

No. sweet one. Have you been diagnosed with any medical condition?? I know for a fact pain can make one become a recluse. Try to get rid of some of the pain. Or is it not possible. When you feel mentally and medically able--keep the mind busy. There is help for you if you would accept--I think. It almost sounds you have lived a very rough life and maybe inflicting more rough life on yourself. A big hug coming your way and Please, get medically help.

Answer 6

If you want to change you can. There's help for all your physical ailments (I wear hearing aids from hearing help express...$300 vs $3,000 for similar name brands). Never had back troubles so I don't know what to tell you there; that pain is often hard to pin down. I wish you good luck in getting over the guilt, but you need to work at it. You can earn people's trust back, but it won;t be in 24 hours. Start small and drop the bottle.

Answer 7

You write really well.
I think that your inner spirit will find a way of helping you achieve all those things that you say you want to change and put right.
The reason I say this is because you are honest with yourself, hey, this is the most important thing.
Most people cannot be this honest with themselves and so can never change.
You have more going for you than you know.
Good luck, and again, You do write really well.

Answer 8

There is a saying that Ive heard - it goes something like this:
"Whether you think you're right or wrong...you're right"

I have personally suffered from severe depression and it sounds like you carry alot of daily burdens. Which is ok. But, you have got to make a step as an individual and make a choice to make some changes. Positive ones. If you have dreams and goals and aspirations (which everyone should) whether you think they're way out of reach or way to crazy..write them down, dream about them and dream build with yourself. Sounds a little crazy but things and dreams were given to you to strive for and to have...not to just dream about and salivate over. Sit down and pick up some books, I would recommend "The Magic of Thinking Big" <- Absolutley outstanding book that will (I pretty much promise you) will change your life. You've got to be confident in you, youve got to stand up to the mistakes in life, forgive yourself, ask for forgiveness from others and shoot for the stars my dear.

And if youre wondering if there is hope...there certainly is. There always is hope, but its up to you to take the stand. If you have any idea what the feeling of victory feels like, you're in for a douvle treat because our biggest obstical in life is ourselves if you can over come YOU then you've got an armor for anything else that hits you in life. :)

Take care, and reach for the stars...they're closer than you think.

: 0)

Answer 9

Im going to just say this once theres a book its called excuse me your life is waiitng by Lynn Grabhorn look it up it might do you a life time of difference, I know it did for me and I was saying what your saying right now And I learned that I dont ever have to say that AGAIN! so try it.

Answer 10

Well friend sounds like you have a perfect excuse to get off your *** and change your life!! If your life is sucking *** right now its because well you've let it get that bad....you can asses yourself all day but nothing will become of you if you don't take the initiative to change them yourself...no red/blue pill for you. Make your own things happen change yourself, seek God, do something to find your niche you're not a lost cause, you're just lost bro...so get up and try again to be a better man...your back hurts cause you don't use it....use your whole being to work.