My boyfriend just found out he has maybe a month or so to live from cancer.. we've been together almost 3 years and we know we were meant for eachother. After I found out he was going to die my mom's friend said we should get married, and so did my sister's friend. We want to go to Tahiti or somewhere (where's the best island?) but marriage never came across our vocabulary. Should I propose to him or ask him or talk to him about it or what? Everyone in my family seems to agree that it's a good idea but i havent talked to him about it at all. What should I do?
2007-10-02 07:50:10 · 17 answers · asked by sotsommersvette 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My boyfriend definitely doesn't have alot of time left- he has a tumor in his brain, liver, stomach, and lungs..so. About a "big wedding" too.. that's not what i'm talking about at all, just getting papers and having a nice ceromony alone. I think we're going to go to Hawaii... he insists on going to an island with me even if his health is shitty.
2007-10-02 18:20:56 · update #1
My boyfriend definitely doesn't have alot of time left- he has a tumor in his brain, liver, stomach, and lungs..so. About a "big wedding" too.. that's not what i'm talking about at all, just getting papers and having a nice ceramony alone. I think we're going to go to Hawaii... he insists on going to an island with me even if his health is shitty.
2007-10-02 18:20:57 · update #2
also, legally what would I have to deal with besides right to his sperm? I don't think he's going to go for the idea according to what all the guys are saying...It didn't even cross MY mind 'til my friend Jamie and my mom's friend said I should get married to him. I just thought that was a good idea and made me feel much better, but obviously this is about him and I am going to discuss it with him and see how he feels.
2007-10-02 18:24:11 · update #3
aaah this reminds me of the movie "a walk to remember" only gender switching lol...i think you should just ask him to marry you and let him know how much you would love the opportunity to be his wife and the US Virgin Islands is a beautiful place to get married Good Luck!
2007-10-02 07:53:52 · answer #1 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should obsess about getting married with what limited time you have. You are already married in heart and soul. Do you want to live with the memory that you got married because of this situation? But I do understand why you would want to, it's just you need to think of the big picture. I think you should live in the moment, every single precious second for what time you have left. I worked as a Hospice nurse for 10 years and have witnessed many unexplainable things. I hope you get more than the month the doctors have estimated. But pick your dream vacation, be together, express your love freely, talk, talk, talk. Love him madly. We should all live in the moment, not when faced with the tragedy that you are. May you and your love find peace during this most difficult of times.
2007-10-02 08:57:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I noticed that mostly women answered this question and they are overwhelmingly in favor of marrying. While I liked the book and movie "A Walk to Remember", the realities of a marriage such as this are different from the fiction. Definitely, you should tell him how you feel and that you want to be with him in his final days. He probably needs your support and everyone needs to know they are going to be remembered. However, there is more to life than the emotions. One of the posters mentioned the legalities of being a spouse to protect yourself and your rights. What she did not mention is the other legalities, such as hospital bills, credit card bills, etc.
Yes, have the conversation, but being there for him is the most important thing right now.
2007-10-02 11:16:18 · answer #3 · answered by RDW928 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Getting married sounds like it might be a nice thing to do. It doesn't sound like you have time to worry about words....just say what is in your heart. I hate to bring up money, but if you get married you will be responsible for whatever bills there are pertaining to the death of your husband. It is the reason I refused to get married to my fiance when I found out I had Cancer. I didn't want to put the expenses on him, it wouldn't be fair. I didn't die of course, but the bills are on me not him this way. We have been together for over 7 years so we are basically married anyway through common law.
2007-10-02 08:04:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please know I am so sorry to hear about his illness. Is there any way that he can under go some kind of alternative treatments? Cancer Centers of America are an awesome place to research and find out if this really is something that cannot be cured. If you two really love each other & both families are in agreement, then you two need to make that decision. But please do not make a decision based on life or death. Make it based on love, respect and what is best for the both of you. How old are you two? Remember, if you are minors, his and your family must agree. This will be a life altering experience for the both of you. Please consider both of your families & how they want to handle his illness. I believe in miracles and I know that his cancer can be cured. God Bless!!
2007-10-02 08:00:56 · answer #5 · answered by kymmy_kins 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Speak to each other from your hearts. Don't do something just because everyone else thinks you should. That's not special at all. However, with only a month, I wouldn't waste my precious time by planning a wedding. Spend as much quality time together as possible. Everything else should be natural.
I'm so sorry for this terrible news.
2007-10-02 07:56:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both propose to him and pick an Island. I would pick somewhere like Hawaii though in case there is a need for medical treatment during the trip. You have my sympathy since that is a very sad situation!!
2007-10-02 08:01:59 · answer #7 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
did you think about marrying him before you found out that he was sick? sometimes people who are told that they only have a little time left live for years. if he really only has about a month left, i would not do the type of traveling that you are wanting to do. cancer patients can turn bad very quickly and you wouldn't want to get stuck in a country with inferior health care or away from your families.
2007-10-02 07:55:33 · answer #8 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be profoundly cruel to bring this up with him. With his limited time left, he doesn't need to be in the position of having to make a difficult decision. I could see him being extremely conflicted if you introduced the idea of getting married.
Instead, just let him know that you love him and support him. Tell him you will help him do anything he wants to do during his last few weeks. If he wants to get married, let him be the one to bring it up.
2007-10-02 07:56:05 · answer #9 · answered by AngiesHusband 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-28 11:24:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋