I recently moved in with my fiance. Things seem to be doing great, except for one thing. He works but his job isn't steady some weeks it is busy and some time it seems slow. Well of course that affects the paycheck. I moved an hour and a half away to be with him. However, we agreed I would drive back and forth to my job (an hour and a half each way) for a few weeks until he can find something more steady. I've tried to be really understanding and considerate. He recently got A+ certified hoping that would make job hunting a bit easier. It has been almost 3 weeks and he has only filled out one application. I love him and care about him but I'm getting tired of the drive and I feel like he's letting me down. He says I'm depending on him and that I'm not looking for a job. What he doesn't seem to understand is with me working here at least I do bring home a paycheck. Anything beats nothing. The agreement was when he found something better, then I would quit and begin looking....
2007-10-02 07:43:13 · 9 answers · asked by Bubbles 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Now, whenever I mention it his whole attitude changes and he seems mad at me saying that I'm putting everything on his shoulder. How can I let him know my point of view that until he finds something we need the money but I'm growing tired and stressed from the drive. I want to tell him in a loving, considerate way because I do not want to upset him. I don't want it to seem like I'm pressuring him. Any help is appreciated.
2007-10-02 07:44:42 · update #1
Well I give you props first off for being woman enough to still keep your job although it is very far away... and the only reason I write that is because it shows that you're independant... Tell your fiance whenever you have the chance to talk about things without either of you being stressed... that you're not being dependant of him because if you where you would have quit your job, being that its so far and you're tired of driving back and forth...
Explain to him that you understand the stress that comes with relocating and finding a new job, but you would like it he where to look a little bit harder... Has he posted a resume on careers.com, monster.com or any other sites? Maybe he should do that... it seems that he just may be giving up on the whole thing being that just how you're tired of telling him the same thing, he's tired of wanting to but not doing.
Let him know that you have an easier chance of looking for a job after he has one because of the fact that you're driving so much, you barely have time for yourself at this point, but when everything falls into place things will get easier for the both of you. It makes alot of sense that he gets something first before you quit your job... because what's going to happen if you quit your current job and there's no money coming in because he still hasn't found one? You will both have more headaches and there will be a lot more arguements from both parties....
You're doing what you can... ANY money is better than NO money... I would even drive an hour back and forth if it was a stable check that you I can count on.. only because I know the money will always be there... you're doing the right thing... and I hope he realizes it before he makes a mistake and pushes you away. I truly hope everything works out...
2007-10-02 08:37:26 · answer #1 · answered by N3N@ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Bubbles. The only thing you can do is encourage him and start looking for a closer job, while still working an hour and a half away. He's feeling pressure to be able to support you right away, but he's seeing that's not so easy. It could take months before he finds steady work and you have to hang in there and be his cheerleader. This is a great test.
My fiance and I are going to be dealing with something like soon. He's taking the GMAT in a couple of weeks, so that means he'll be going to business school and will have to drop a couple of his clients (he's a consultant and works from home), which means less income and I become the breadwinner. On top of that, we're going to try to have a baby next year, so he'll get to be a stay at home dad while going to business school. It's all hard, but we know this will help us in the long run - he will make butt loads of money and I will get to be a stay at home mom.
So with your fiance's certification he will find a great job that will allow you to relax a bit more, but for now, hang in there and use this situation to make your relationship stronger.
2007-10-02 15:07:42 · answer #2 · answered by Peace 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is dragging his feet, and you are letting him. You want to tell him in a nice loving way? How is he treating you in a nice loving way. he is letting you drive 3 hours a day for work and calls you selfish for not wanting to and not looking for another job. Yet you are still concerned for his feelings here when he has no consideration for yours. Stand up for yourself. He seems like a selfish procrastinator. Are you sure this is a person you want to spend the rest of your life with? This relationship seems uneven, with you trying to be the peace maker and him being the grumpy old man that needs coddled, so he doesn't get upset.
2007-10-02 14:54:30 · answer #3 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can start looking and working and he can do that to. You can start applying by the Internet and help him apply over the Internet. You can start by applying yourself to a job over the Internet and see if he becomes interested in something.
He may be frustrated, he probably wanted the job he apply for. Review yours and his resume and may be get someone with more experience to review.
It just need to take steps to work things out, if you don't give in sometimes he wont giving sometimes. It is a matter of negotiation.
2007-10-02 14:50:41 · answer #4 · answered by jmclaudio76 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you made a big mistake by moving in before he was financially stable. Finding a job isn't easy for those who are aggressive, and it doesn't sound like he's even trying at all.
Move back home and tell him you'll come back when he's stable. You have to put yourself first. If not, you're leaving yourself open to being taken advantage of. Is that what you want for yourself - for the rest of your life?
2007-10-02 14:48:17 · answer #5 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Move back home alone ! Living together is never right unless you are married. Especialy when money comes into the picture. As a husband it would be his responsobility to be the provider being a man. The woman is to be the homemaker !
2007-10-02 15:06:56 · answer #6 · answered by lonewolf 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Move out ASAP. He doesn't like to work for a living and will make excuses.
2007-10-02 14:48:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
just move on he taking you for a ride you fool sorry but its true
2007-10-02 14:50:19 · answer #8 · answered by rpetch007 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
move out
2007-10-02 14:48:36 · answer #9 · answered by Todd C 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋