For the gay and gay friendly, please:
I am a gay male and I have straight female friend. She says she doesn't approve of my sexuality and says it is morally wrong. However, she wishes to still be my friend. Would you still be her friend if this was the case? And do you think I have every right to want to end the friendship if this doesn't settle well with me?
2007-10-02 06:33:32 · 51 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Geez Louise! I had no idea I would get so many answers for this!! And a lot of you have really great points! Oy!
2007-10-02 06:53:33 · update #1
I've read 46 answers so far. Yay!
2007-10-02 06:56:31 · update #2
To me that means she doesn't agree with a pretty good chunk of who you are so tell her to eff off and find friends who will support you no matter your choices. :)
2007-10-02 06:36:46 · answer #1 · answered by Poe 3 · 7⤊ 3⤋
Perhaps you could first treat this as a topic like politics - if you think it would be better that you do not discuss such a topic with your friend, skip it. I know one's sexual orientation isn't exactly something easy to avoid as politics but find some common ground first - if it means to avoid arguing about it (the kind that will lead to a fight and/or heartache), then I hope you go for that. Don't be so hasty to end a friendship. Even if I were in a similar situation, I'd still want the friendship to continue especially because I believe that a friendship that ends is a friendship that never started.
Follow your bliss.
Best!
2007-10-02 06:45:59 · answer #2 · answered by ficklefeather 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to voice an opinion one way or the other about your choices-they are yours!
I will ask you a couple of questions that may help you make some decisions about your life.
1. Is she a better friend to you than you are to her?
2. Are you a better friend to her than she is to you?
3. What should friendship mean?
4. How important is acceptance to your peace of mind?
5. Do you have other friends that fill your life with joy?
6. Is there a way to find those other friends if they don't exist today?
7. Hope this helps you. I really think you have made the decision already.
I learned that the person that you may consider your best friend may not be! Who is putting the most energy into the relationship? How tired are you of doing that?! Find someone who values you just as you are! They are out there!
2007-10-02 06:40:21 · answer #3 · answered by helprhome 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother doesn't approve of my sexuality either, but we're still really close and she still loves me. :P It's that kind of situation.
As long as she won't complain when you introduce her to a boyfriend, or try to convince you to be straight or something, it's really not a big deal. She's entitled to her opinion, and I'd guess the way she was raised (probably religiously) is what makes her disapprove of you being gay.
I don't think you should end the friendship unless she becomes abusive about it. You do have every right to end it if you're uncomfortable around her now, but if she means anything to you as a friend, you'll talk to her about it and try to resolve the issue.
2007-10-02 06:41:24 · answer #4 · answered by Devhyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By disapproving of your sexuality, she is disapproving of a very large part of your identity. That means that you will never be able to talk to her about relationship problems, dating advice, and other stuff involving dating and love that most friends discuss on a pretty regular basis. It would still be possible to be her friend by keeping all your conversations very superficial, but do you really want a friend that you have to censor yourself around? Also, there is the problem that she may try to "turn you straight" all the time, by being in denial about your sexuality and convincing herself that you just haven't found the right girl yet. That could get really old after a while. I do think you have the right to end the friendship if she is not willing to love and support you for who you are, which I think is the very definition of friendship itself, don't you?
2007-10-02 06:39:23 · answer #5 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should respect the way she thinks and feels just like she has done for you. It is obvious that she just does not approve of what you do but she still cares for you as a friend. You might not approve some of the things that she does but that should not stop you from being friends. I am not gay so I guess I don't know much about this situation but I would not stop being friends with someone because of their sexual orientation. I would continue to love them and respect them. And I think you should do the same and respect how they feel just as they have done to you.
2007-10-02 06:44:57 · answer #6 · answered by ben p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is a tough one. If she doesn't agree with your sexuality and tells you that it's morally wrong... that just doesn't sound like a friend to me, I'm sorry. If it were me I'd remain friends, but I wouldn't expect the friendship to last. You have the ability to end the relationship at anytime... it takes two to be friends, you should end it and not worry about looking back... or better yet, try to talk to her and let her see that you are no different than she is, you have the ability to love another person. Perhaps she would see that we aren't as horrible as people would like to believe.
2007-10-02 06:41:13 · answer #7 · answered by TrixieDZ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a 'sick' friendship ... you may like the girl, and she may like you, but your 'gay lifestyle' goes against her beliefs, so that anything you 'do' with her, you are likely to get into an 'argument' over things that fall into that area of your life. Do you really want to be friends with a person you can't 'share' the highs and lows of your lifestyle with, and who will say that she 'disapproves' of the whole thing? If I were you (and I'm a 57 year old married woman, so that would be 'fun,' wouldn't it?) I would tell this girl that you can be 'friendly' toward her if you accidentally meet, but that you can't be 'friends' with her ... and please explain WHY to her. It's not 'her' that you are rejecting, but her not accepting you for who and what you are. There are lots of people in this world, and many are like me ... although not going quite as far as I did and still do. We 'accept' gays as being 'normal' and can talk with them about the 'highs and lows' of our lives and our lifestyles without any 'disapproval' of one lifestyle coming into it. Yes, I'm 'straight' ... but I have been told by gay men that I am far more 'strict' about 'gay rights' than any gay man they know. Lesbians just 'accept me' as I am, but they are my friends too ... so why don't you try finding some new friends who can 'accept you' as who and what you are, unconditionally. YOU will be much happier, and you can still greet this old 'friend who is now an aquaintance' with happiness in the future ... just don't 'hang out' with her or discuss any 'serious subjects' with her.
2007-10-02 06:42:43 · answer #8 · answered by Kris L 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're not happy then of course you have the right to end the friendship - I assume she doesn't hold a gun to your head?
However, if she's religious then you have to expect this from her. Just as you have a right to express yourself as you wish, so does she. She's been able to honestly tell you what she thinks about your sexuality, why don't you honestly tell her what you think about her beliefs? If she can't take it then she's being a hypocrite. If she can then it will beclear that you have different ideas. You then need to talk and decide whether you can get along together.
2007-10-02 06:41:17 · answer #9 · answered by John S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as she and you agree to disagree over your sexuality and don't bring it up, or chose to discuss it; I see no problem with either of you continuing the friendship. If she starts hauling out the Bible and preaching to you, then you have every right to end the friendship; but if she doesn't then by alkl means continue it.
If we all could agree to disagree we might make the world a bit better -- but this takes a bit of control and not everyone has it.
By the way, don't use the gun. That might set her off a bit but if you might offer her a bit of nice venison, that might be a great peace offering. (whoops, sorry that was a stake....)
2007-10-02 06:39:17 · answer #10 · answered by Mama Otter 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me that she has a very big crush on you; either that or she's in love with you. also sounds like she needs to be educated, u know u can't turn a gay guy str8 education.
it's time to put your foot down and make her understand that this is who you are like it, love it, or leave it. if she can't deal w/the facts then it wasn't a friendship to begin with.
another solution is to take a break from each other, if the issue still exist, then by all means end the friendship, wish her the best of luck and go on with ur life w/no hard feelings.
good luck man.
2007-10-02 06:42:06 · answer #11 · answered by david m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋