I don't know how to feel.Im lost.I want so bad to understand what the need for this type of awful visual stimulation is.Why am I not enough and how do I trust again?He said its because Im not fun anymore.Wow that makes me feel good!There are other factors he said but all of them amount to the fact that he isn't happy sexually with me anymore.I am so hurt and betrayed.This isn't the first time either.Thats what hurts the most.I told him it bothered me and I saw it as form of cheating,but he did it anyways.I have no problem with looking with him but I just don't see the need as much.We have done just about everything sexually and I don't get how he can be so damn selfish.
2007-10-02 06:07:13 · 35 answers · asked by shader98 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok for all those that tell me the problem is with me,you are wrong.I can tell you this there is not a single night that goes by that I do not take care of him.I have rumatoid arthritis and I cant be everything every night.I think the problem is with men who don't value what they have in a good woman who takes care of them.Further more after being together for 15 years don't you think hes the one that should grow up?
2007-10-02 06:22:52 · update #1
I agree I think it is basically cheating also and have already told my husband how i feel about it. I think if you guys can work past it together and communicate and I'm not saying your not but talk to each other and listen to what each of you are saying see if its something you both can work out if not then try to move on I'm sorry that must be hard to deal with good luck
2007-10-02 10:28:24 · answer #1 · answered by nikie_atkinson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-30 07:14:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it the porn that upsets you or the stuff he said to you....it sounds to me like the porn is a symptom of a problem in your marriage. It's NOT your fault, it's not his fault...but it is a problem. Arguing about porn will not solve the problem. I would suggest counseling if you want to get through this together. Men look at porn, I wouldn't take that, on it's face, as a problem. He may even look if he's happy with you sexually. So...don't focus on the porn, but instead focus on what the two of you are feeling about your relationship.
2007-10-02 08:18:24 · answer #3 · answered by prekinpdx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take me wrong, but almost all men watch porn. You would be surprised, men will watch porn not only when they are feel needy, but also out of boredom, funny but true.
But in your case, the reason for which your husband watches porn is hurtful. No man should ever disrespect his wife in this manner. If he is not happy sexually then what has he done about it, instead of working things out with you he found satisfaction in porn. You have every right to feel betrayed.
Seems like you have about done everything sexually and for him to feel unhappy is just darn selfish. But you know what, all he can do is watch porn, the loser know that he ain't getting any action for real. He does not realize but he is actually living in misery. Let him suffer that way. You should do something that makes you happy and pisses the heck out of him.
2007-10-02 06:27:19 · answer #4 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how YOU can be so damn selfish.
He's communicating a need to you and just because you don't want to HEAR it - you turn the blame on him.
Look if he's male and has a heartbeat - he looks @ porn. Get over it. It doesn't mean that you're not enough for him, and it doesn't mean that he wants to slepp with the gals in the porn.
Its visual stimulation, a means to a ends - thats it.
Now - the fact that he has told you that your not "fun" anymore should be of greater concern to you than the porn. In any long term relationship, the sex life gets stale - its bound to happen.
Example - I love steak - but if I ate Prime Rib every night for dinner, I'd get sick of it.
For a guy - it really IS this simple.
You guys need to talk about WHY he / you feel the sex life has gone south and figure out a way to spice things up a little bit.
The porn does not cause a bad sex life, but it can be a symptom of dissatisfaction in on the male's part. He probably figures, I'm tired of getting rejected when I try, so I'll just find an alternate source fo stimulation, and take care of business myself....... In his mind - he is doing an honorable thing, because he's letting you off the hook for the "wifely duties", and he's doing it without stepping out and cheating.
Let me ask you this - if he were to masterbate WITHOUT looking @ porn, would you still consider it cheating? If so, then you have some serious hang ups and you both need counselling.
Then why is it cheating if he looks @ porn?
You two just need to talk, romance and re-light the flame. However, YOU have to be willing. And you MUST put out - plain and simple.
I know very few guys that will choose pictures / video over a flesh and blood lover if their partner is a willing participant. However, a guy (even a married man) can only handle so much rejection before he thinks he ought not even TRY anymore. Then when he does get the green light - if you are a reluctant or unwilling partner, he thinks "I do all the work and now I'm viewed as a chore."
Bottom line - persue him and perform. He'll forget that porn exists.
2007-10-02 06:26:20 · answer #5 · answered by aa889d 5 · 3⤊ 5⤋
I really am amazed at all these negative answers towards you that are blaming you for his problem!
I was in a relationship for five years, thank God I didn't marry him, but he was addicted to porn. YES, he was an ADDICT. He would spend any where from $20-$30 a minute on livecam chats with girls, and he was turning me down when I wanted to have sex. (Which was often) He would actually leave my house to go home to "catch" the live shows. When I confronted him about it, it was always another excuse, or something to do with his fears of pregnancy, yadda yadda.
Regardless, it was a huge blow to my self-esteem. I understand how you are feeling, and the fact that he said he isn't happy sexually with you anymore sounds more like a cop-out rather than an actual, real excuse.
I would recommend counseling and working this out. If it can't be worked out, I hate to say it, but maybe it's time to cut your losses and get the heck out.
2007-10-02 06:24:43 · answer #6 · answered by xxautumnwalkerxx 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Even guys who are "happy" sexually will still look at porn; c'mon. And then there are guys who are not that interested in the whole sex thing, and won't waste their time on porn (OR sex, for that matter). Sounds to me like both you and your husband need to "get over" some things. You need to get over porn (most guys, and a lot of women, look at porn - it doesn't have to have ANYTHING to do with their partner), and he needs to get over the fact that you're not gonna be having hot steamy sex all the damn time, there are other things in life to enjoy and think about. He can't possibly expect the fantasy to transform into reality - but you shouldn't try and control his fantasies. Both of you need to keep these two worlds separate, for your own sake.
2007-10-02 06:36:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're the one who's not acting grown up -- it's not your husband who is throwing a temper tantrum over something that doesn't have any effect on the marriage. Looking at porn is only a big deal because YOU are making it a big deal.
Furthermore, I take exception to your use of the word "awful" to describe this visual stimulation. I can easily rattle off a half-dozen more accurate adjectives: exciting, interesting, fun, hot, gorgeous, and stimulating. Have you not seen porn? In case you haven't, it consists of beautiful naked people having sex. Frankly, I cannot see what's not to like. I would go so far as to wonder what's wrong with someone who wouldn't like it.
2007-10-02 06:36:19 · answer #8 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
There is absolutely nothing wrong with men or women looking at porn. Pornography is actually a very healthy thing and when used with common sense, can enhance your love life. Men are hard wired to enjoy looking at the naked female form. They are biologically designed to be turned on by it, just as we are designed to be turned on by looking at the male body. Erotica has existed ever since men started scribbling on cave walls thousands of years ago. It has evolved over the years to include paintings, sculptures, and today – photos and videos. It is perfectly natural to enjoy watching these things. It doesn’t mean your man doesn’t love you or that he isn’t satisfied by you.
What you need to do is find some tasteful porn that the two of you can enjoy together. It will enhance your sex life by making both of you incredibly horny for each other, and it will give you ideas of new ways to please each other.
2007-10-02 06:58:53 · answer #9 · answered by meagain 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with 'hargusbr'. If your husband of 15 years cares for you, then he will be sensitive to your needs. Try meeting your husband 1/2 way and designate a porn nite. you can alternate who picks the film. Sex is an important connection, but if you do not connect mentally, there's disaster physically.
2007-10-02 06:34:55 · answer #10 · answered by CC65 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋