My Husband is basiclly making me do something.......is this right??

Question

My husband and i have been together for almost 5 years. Almost this whole time he has been trying to get me to join the military! About a month ago he told me he wanted me to take the ASVAB and I didnt want to, About a week ago I finally agreed to take it and get him off my back. Well, since then I have realized that it is a waste of my time, I have NO intensions of Ever joing the military. He says that is fine he just wants me to take it because I said I would. I know if I dont take this test he will be extremely angry at me and it will cause problems in our relationship. But I feel like I shouldnt have to do something that isnt going to benefit us? I have a feeling if I take the test he will be trying to get me to join even more! Am I wrong to feel like I shouldnt have to do this? Why should I have to be stressed out? Or should I do what he wants me to do and Take it?

Im 22 and will be going back to School to finish my BSN in Januray.

Thanks everyone!

My husband is already in the military, he has been in for 5 years. Also I have talked to him about not wanting to join the army, and also about not wanting to take the test many times.

Answer 1

I'm sorry...I think he is being very insensitive. He "knows" how you feel about it, yet he is pressuring you to do it anyway. Yes, there is something wrong with this picture. I can't believe he would have the nerve to be angry with you over not taking the test!

I think that you need to tell him that you don't think it is right that he is pressuring you to do something that you don't want to do and that the only reason you ever even considered agreeing with it, is to get him off your back. Tell him that you have changed your mind and you will not be put on a guilt trip for it. Let him know that if anyone should feel guilty it is him for not thinking of what "you" want to do and only thinking of what "he" wants you to do. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and this is one of those situations. Tell him that this is your final decision and that everytime he brings it up, you are going to leave the room or the house if you have to. This sort of thing really makes people listen. Leave him alone with his thoughts...maybe he will rethink what he is doing. Just don't waver from it, okay? I know this helps...my husband used to yell a lot and I finally realized that "I" have more power than I thought. I hated being yelled at because I wasn't raised in that sort of an environment and I felt abused. Anytime we were in an argument, and he started yelling, I would walk out of the room and made the statement to him" I refuse to be yelled at anymore..or sometimes I might say, go ahead and yell but it won't be at me. Once I made that statement, I meant it and after awhile he did learn that I wasn't tolerating his yelling anymore. So, you could do the same thing. When he starts in on you about it, say something like " I told you that I don't want to hear anything about joining the military and I mean it....I am leaving the room. If he follows you, leave the house.

My therapist used to advise me to do something like that...basically leave the situation that is making you uncomfortable. Because you can't change what he says or does, but you CAN change what you say and do. Ironically, sometimes changing the way we react to things,...changes the way others react to us. That is very empowering.! Good luck to you,...hope this helps.

Answer 2

ok, what is he point that he want to you join the armed forces instead of him? There is something that he is with holding from you on why you should join the armed forces rather than him. I will back you up 101%, if you have no desire to join the armed forces why go through taken the test. No, you're not wrong to feel the way you do about the military. The military is not for everyone I will admit to it. If you feel after taken the ASVAB (so he will stop bothering you) and later he will try to make join later. Guess what, you're not wrong your feeling. I feel he will do it as well, since he was able to force you to take the test and why not force you to join. I will said no, and if he want to get stupid about it. Just turn the table on him as tell him that he should join the military. I am with you all the way...if you don't want to join the militarty, don't bother with it.
PS..find out what is his real reason for you to join the miliatry.

Answer 3

No one can MAKE you do anything. It is your choice what you do or don't do. Make this clear to your husband. There is no explanation mentioned as to why he wants you to join the army so badly and that makes no sense to me. Joining the army should be a choice and if he is giving you an ultimatum, it's basically your decision. If he is feeling patriotic I suggest he take the test and enlist.
If you don't want to take the test, don't. It's that simple. If he loves you he will grow up and if he doesn't the marriage was doomed anyway.
I am all about lovin your man and being the best wife you can be, but in situations of mental/verbal abuse and domineering behavior, you have to draw the line. A wife should gracefully give position as leader of the house to her husband, but that doesn't mean you are his slave. You have feelings and desires also and to me he is being selfish and bull-headed. Simply tell him how you feel, where you stand, and what you want. Tell him you love him, but he is not your father...he is your husband and your best friend. Tell him you appreciate any guidance or advice he gives, but that you ultimately have to make the decision yourself and your heart is not in it. I wish you the best of luck and sincerely hope you do what is right for you!!!

Answer 4

You have a right to make your own decisions about your life. I see no reason for you to take the test if you don't want or intend to go into the military.

It seems to me that he is already causing problems in your relationship if you are feeling so pressured and stressed out. I would explain that you only agreed under pressure, and ask that he drop his attempts to move you toward military service.

It may be time for professional counseling on the matter if he persists in ignoring your feelings.

Answer 5

That is just weird. Why would he want you to take the asvab? It is not a difficult test and the "only" reason you would take it is to join the military. You are not wrong, if you have no intention of joining the military, then don't waste the recruiters time, your time and our tax dollars. There are books with sample tests you can take to "humor" him, but I wouldn't. The world needs nurses too.

Answer 6

Then don't because you already have a problem. He wants you to join and you don't want to. Find out why it's so important that you join the military. Not everyone wants to serve in the armed forces. Take the test, but stand your ground, don't do something you don't want to do. Because once you start, it will never end.

Answer 7

Most certainly not. Firstly he has no right to force and/or try and influence you to do this. Secondly you are 22 years old and should have a strong enough backbone to let him know that you have no interest and/or intention of completing this testing. Although sometimes difficult communicating your true feelings within couples is important and you two need to sit down and have a mature and open minded conversation regarding this situation. Have him state his case why he feels it is so important for you to do this testing. Then you inform him of how it makes you feel and what you plan on doing or not doing regarding testing. Best of luck and if necessary you may evern want to bring in some form of a professional counsellor to help you two to commincate if necessary.

Answer 8

Talk to him and let him now how you feel for you shouldn't do what you don't want to do. I know that it may seem hard and it may bring problems to your marriage, but unless you want to live like this you for the rest of your life you must put a stop on this.

seek counseling and do your best to help your marriage out, by doing what is right. a lot of times just agreeing with your husband is not helping him at all for he will always will want it his way ( and there will came a day you wont be able to and then it will be a big blow to your marriage).

go to church and pray a lot for him so to good touches his life and so that he may change.

Answer 9

Don't let him force you into something you don't want. Sit him down and let him that while you did tell him you would take the test you really have no desire to join the military. Let him know that the only reason you agreed to take it was because he was pressuring you to. That while you are supportive of his desires in life - he needs to be just as supportive of yours and let you go for YOUR dreams, not HIS.

He needs to respect your wants and needs in life and not try to conform you to his and his alone. A marriage is all about compromise.

Answer 10

I think that you shouldnt do anything that you are not comfortable with because then you want feel right withh the situation,i think that you in your husband should sat down in talk so that you can let him know how you feel because if you really love one another than he would understand how you feel about this,woman should be cabable to do anything but when it comes to the army i feel thats a males job.