This question is for Baby #1 and all who agree with her:?

Question

You say women are best equipped to be wives and mothers. How do you explain people like Britney Spears or the women whose 3 year old autistic son was found playing out on the highway when she was passed out high as a kite on her couch? Would you argue that they are best equipped to care for their children? In a survey by advice columnist Ann Landers in the 1970s, 40% of mothers said if they could have it to do all over again they would have not had children. And what about women like me who simply do not want to have children, nor ever will?
Also, this question is more for the men: Why is Baby #1's assertion that women are best fit to care for children, and not men, not interpretated as misandrism? Many male "anti-feminists" here talk about how feminism is the culprit of unfair child custody agreements for fathers, yet Baby #1 doubts your capacity to care for your own children, and she is looked upon with googley eyes by many male "anti-feminsists" here. I don't understand it.

Um, Cassius, do you have reading comprehension problems? I did not assrt any of my opinions on child custody and divorce here.

Edit: Laela, why are you so angry? I mean seriously, you're just vicious. Put away those teeth.Anyway, to address your um, question: What big picture am I failing to see? I'm not having children. I'm happy in my decision and I'm happy with my life. I don't loose sleep over the subject matter I discuss on this Internet forum, and it does not consume my real life. However because I choose to come onto this forum, which is subject to much debate and controversary, my opinions of ways of thinking are constantly challenged, so I explain them and I defend them here because, well, that's what you do in a debate.
And also, you said "feminism is the cluprit." Culprit of what? Culprit of unfair child custody agreements? If you have any sort of reading comprehenion at all you would have seen for yourself that I did not make any assertions myself on this matter. I gave no opinion of my own. All I said was basically "this is what "anti-feminists" tend to believe." I didn't say it was right orwrong

Baby #1, I in NO WAY attacked you. I was nothing cordial in my question. Geez, everyone is a poor victim in this culture.

Anyway, yes, I realize that Ann Landers survey was not scientific. I actually thought about pointing it out, but I thought most people would have some sort of a brain where they could figure it on their own. Anyway, my point was even if 40% was not an accurate number, there are some women are are just not fit to be mothers.

And you are quite contradictory. I think it is a pretty well known fact that women tend to be more nurturing. Is this a result of nature or nuture? Who knows. No one (at least anyone I have encountered) would argue otherwise. However whenever you post your questions and answers you sound as if you are referring to women across the board. I can find countless of your posts where you say women in the workforce have ruined the economy and are ruining your future child's life. You said WOMEN, not mothers. cont'd

cont'd
Yet now you are saying it is acceptable for women without children to hold jobs. Which is it? Are we evil wenches ruining your baby's life and the economy, or are we doing something you deem approrpiate? You also agree that some women are not fit to be mothers, correct, and that fathers are perfectly capable of caring for children. So then why do you claim that all women with children should stay at home for that is the noble thing to do, and all men at at best working? If you don't mean across the board, then you need to make yourself clearer.

Holy crap, I'm sorry for all the typos. I'm at working so I am trying to type fast so it doesn't look like I'm lolly gagging in the Internet (which I am, lol).

Edit: gerogebonbon, what career of Britney's? She put partying ahead of her children, not her career.

Answer 1

Britney Spears is exactly what baby #1 is on about. Women putting careers before their family and children. All the money in the world is not going to do your children any good when no one is there to take care of them.
Bluntly. Only someone who has no maternal instinct like you could say such things. You lack understanding of real families and real motherhood, real fatherhood.

2nd part:
Men care for their children in a different manner than women. Women are more nurturing and feeding while fathers are more into play and activities with their children. Both are needed for best and balanced upbringing. Men are not as good at nurturing usually but can learn. I did. I don't think it came naturally to me, if these things do.

Answer 2

My 'Mother' Never wanted to have children until She discovered that 'We' were a money maker for Her. She neglected Us, mistreated Us, physically abused Us, and basically disowned Us. Finally She abandoned Us. My Father was The real parent and We were taken from Him and fostered out because 'Men" are not good at taking care of children.
Motherhood, Fatherhood and indeed Parenting and Nurturing are not some thing that comes naturally to a good many people. Child care is taught rather than an intuitive reaction to the proximity of babies and infants. I know many Women (Yes, I do include Lesbians, Feminists, Professional Career Women .....and even My fellow Nurses) who are quite literally stumped when it comes to tending to the needs of a small child. This is NOT necessarily Their fault. They just happen to lack the commensurate skills required.
I am a Male Nurse who cares for autistic children and other unfortunates in 'Our' society. Apparently, being a Male, I am an exception to the rule (RUBBISH, I just took the time to learn how not to get it wrong!). I care enough to try My best, much the same as do most other people.
Motherhood/Fatherhood is a life long learning process, and only those who have had some success in this field should be allowed to pass judgment upon those who have failed to make the grade.

Answer 3

It's not nice when people can't give a decent answer and it is certaintly not nice that your husband agreed verbally to have more kids with you, regardless of how many you have now. Your last baby is 2 weeks old (if I have read that correctly) so your hormones will be all over the place, wait until your baby is a bit older and let your body recover from your last baby, then discuss it again. Enjoy the kids you have at present as you wouldn't want to be over worked or everyone will lose out! x

Answer 4

I always thought women are better parents because of thousands of years of raising the child has become natural instinct for most women. There are many men who are stepping up and doing a lot better job and staying home with their children. I just think it's the majority.

If you were a parent in the 1970's then you probably didn't have access to birthcontrol. Birthcontrol became widely used starting the late 60's. Even then it wasn't something you could get like aspirin. If that study was done today my guess is the number would be lower because birthcontrol is more available and people are more educated on it and parenting.

Answer 5

Haven't seen baby #1's comments, but she sounds like my mom. I was taught that all women have a duty to stay at home and care for their children. That's what my mom did. But I wish she hadn't. She obviously, clearly hated being a mom. She wasn't an addict, wasn't Britney Spears--but she ended up depressed and angry and blaming us (her kids) for her miserable life. I've come to the conclusion that I'll be a better mom if I work. In the end, if you're not fulfilled (no matter your gender) then you won't make a good parent. It's like being a lifeguard: if you can't swim, then don't try to save someone who's drowning, because you'll both end up dying.

And yeah, I think many men are more nuturing than women. I know one of my uncles is. He was a house-husband while my cousins were little, and I think it was great.

Women aren't baby machines, and men aren't career machines. We're all people, for goodness' sake! What does it matter whether you have breasts or balls?

Answer 6

this sounds like a lame politically correct cat fight!

I am 8 weeks prego (happily married btw) and intend to go back to work after giving birth. I am fortunate enough to have my mother for child care, so I have it easy. Also my husband is great and will be involved. BUT - why is it sooooo hard to understand that a BALANCE can be met between motherhood and career? If you choose to stay home and mother your child, then you should consider your self lucky in a sense, a large number of family's can not afford to do this. Also this is the choice YOU made, you must understand that your lifestyle / point of view are not shared by all.

Bottom line... WHATEVER SITUATION your life brings you, my opinion is that you make the best of your time on this earth and especially for your children (if you choose to have them). I think it is easy to run around casting judgment on others... but why not try being happy and appreciating what rights and freedom we all have!

Life is too short to argue semantics... just mho


dido Kendrick... NOTHING IS BLACK AND WHITE

Answer 7

I just wanted to add to Gnu's point about the difference in the 'Anti-feminists' on this forum.

As I and others have pointed out many times, the term anti-feminism is confusing and misrepresented on this forum. The term Anti-feminism is *supposed* to refer to those who have a conservative ideal of traditional gender roles and who oppose the equal status of women in favor of a dominant-submissive dichotomy of women and men.

Using the term anti-feminism to apply to those who have 'equalist' ideals is contradictory to definition and often misleading.

Personally I think this is the reason why there is so much conflict between the feminists and equalists on this forum.

For those who use Anti-feminism as a label to equalism/humanism understand that while you may mean "I disagree with feminism's practices, but do believe the sexes should be equal" We feminists hear "Get back in the kitchen you are inferior to the superior men"

I think with this contact zone confusion it's understandable why there is so much conflict.

Personally I see it the same as if someone thought that the NAACP was ignoring other minority struggles and focusing too much on blacks, and felt the best way to 'fight' this was joining the KKK. "I'm a klan member, but not a racist"

(A poor example it may be, but I think you get the point)

Answer 8

i agree with you. completely.

i would like to say this though: i am sick of women who don't want kids bashing me for having them. i don't want to hear the negative, downright mean remarks about mothers having saggy breasts and other various insults. i'm not saying that you said that, you didn't, but i just had to get that off my chest. i never bash ladies for choosing to not have kids. i could care less how others lead their lives.
like you, i didn't think that i wanted kids. my son was a complete shock and surprise and even though i am 100 percent pro-choice, i just couldn't go through with an abortion. i kept the little guy and i have to say, i'm happy i did. i'm not saying that every woman will end up feeling this way, but that was my experience.

baby #1 is not a good representation of any mother. or of any woman. and posters like alexandra and layla are just plain mean and hateful, not to mention delusional.

not all women should be mothers. not all men should be fathers. women regret having kids when they isolate themselves and neglect their own lives. you have to find a happy balance.

Answer 9

Just like others have stated on here, there is different views among the people in here. It's exactly the same within the Feminist movement as well, with there being a whole spectrum of beliefs.

I don't see this question as a Equalist vs. Traditionalist argument, as much as a 'Biological vs. Social Construction' issue. I do believe in equal rights for men, when it comes to their children... but saying they have to be equally fit for the job, would be the same as the Military requiring women to do exactly the same amount of push-ups and so on(They just can't... it's biological). And they don't, but we still have equal rights despite the biological differences.

Edit: And as far as unfit mothers: Yes there's going to be some. Nothing is 100% 'black and white' in life.

Answer 10

I am a male who certainly doesn't look with particular admiration to Baby #1, but I doubt you were addressing me. However, I'll chime in...

The anti-feminists who claim to be equalists SHOULD criticize her as misandrist.

The anti-feminists who claim to be traditionalists SHOULDN'T.

Unfortunately, some don't make clear which way they stand, since they're often mainly here to complain and troll.

I tend to think women are typically better equipped to raise children (at least in our present society. I don't know how much is nature or nurture), but that's a far cry from saying all women are good mothers or should be mothers or that no man can be.

But then, I am neither feminist nor anti-feminist.

Answer 11

i agree with you. i am not a mother and i don't know that it's in me to be one. i see so many women with children and have been told by them that they would do it differently if they could re-do their life. just because you are a women does not automatically mean children are all you think about and being a mother is your sole purpose. that's just stupid. i love how one woman claims to speak for all of us. maybe she is best equipped to be a mom and good for her. i am best equipped to be an educated woman with career goals. doesn't make either one of us any less of a woman and i'm damn tired of hearing that it does.

as for your questions to the men, i agree with that too. you ***** about women till they say they're just good at being mommy and then you're happy?! you don't care that included in that is the fact that you're incapable of parenting? you're just lazy and want things your own way. if you want a doormat wife who thinks she's capable of nothing more than a biological process then have at it.