Should you change who you are?

Question

OR things about yourself for a man who loves you? That you love very much.

How is it even possible to change?

What about for you guys? Would you do such a thing?

Answer 1

No. I've tried to change myself in the past, and it doesn't work in the long run. I ended up miserable and hating myself. The saying "be true to yourself" can sound like a cliche sometimes, but I think it really is true.

Of course, if there are things about yourself that are unhealthy, then it would be good to change those things, and loving someone could help motivate you. Like if your bf didn't like your smoking, then it would be good to change that. Bad habits are one thing; your identity is another.

Answer 2

It is extremely possible, unfortunately so at times.

Personally I think it's very immature to adamantly say "I'm not changing for nobody!" because it's a very ego-centric view, and in my experience, those who refuse to change are the same ones who wish/try to change their partners.

I think in an adult relationship it doesn't take 'change' so much as adaptation. Everyone had their quirks, some of which are things that will eventually cause struggles in relationships and rather than saying "Nope, I am the way I am, deal with it!" I think the mature thing to do is compromise, BUT without compromising the self.

Granted this is a two-way street and both have to be willing to adapt for the relationship to work or else one is doing all the giving and the other all the taking, and THAT, I feel, is when it has become an unhealthy relationship.

I think goes back to my personal ideal that life is a learning and growing process, and to stubbornly make up your mind about 'who you are' at age 20, 30, 40, 50 or even 90, is to deny yourself the possibility of growth.

Not all change is bad, some is, maturity, i believe, is being able to tell the difference between productive changes and counter-productive changes.

Answer 3

This is tricky, obviously he loves you so he should love you as you are and not want you to change, but sometimes people want to change something about their appearance for their SO even if their SO hasn't said anything to say they want that change.

I think if it's a little thing, like buying an outfit for in the house or maybe dying your hair (semi-permanent so it washes out) and it's because you want to surprise them with something then it's most likely perfectly fine. However if it's a big thing, such as changing your entire wardrobe or having surgery then it shouldn't be done, and if it was going to happen upon the request of the SO, an outside party should step in.

Answer 4

There's a big difference between changing yourself and changing your habits or certain ways about yourself. The former is something that no one should ever consider for another, and its debatable as to whether you can or not. However, I see nothing wrong with changing habits that annoy. Often, we aren't even aware of them, and having them pointed out isn't such a bad thing. We are never too old to grow or learn or evolve...

Answer 5

I think it is possible to change, but you have to want to change for yourself, and not someone else.

I don't think it is worth trying to change for another person. Think of all the issues it could lead to because you are not being true to yourself - would you be happy? Probably not. Would, in turn, that make the other person happy? Probably not in the long run. There is so much more...but I think you get the idea...

Answer 6

No, either this person likes you for who you are or he doesn't. Suppose that you go and change yourself; all of a sudden at the very last minute he changes his mind, finds someone else; after you went and changed yourself; the risk is not worth it. Stay the way you are.
No I would not. I would adjust, I would prune bad practices,as and where needed, however I would not change who I am.

Answer 7

No. If you have to change then he doesn't really love YOU; he loves some false image of you. And you will never live up to that image since it isn't real to begin with. In the end you will try to change yourself, lose him anyway, then mourn that you gave an essential part of yourself up for someone who wasn't worth it. If a man really loves you, then he loves YOU, warts and all.

Note: This applies to your personality and not destructive habits; if you drink to much and he doesn't like that, for example, he is likely just concerned about you.

Answer 8

It depends. You shouldn't change who you are at a fundamental level but if your negative attributes outweigh your positive, then the only way you'll ever have a good relationship is to change them. However, change only works when you do it for yourself. If you're a decent person, strong willed and modern, it is not going to behoove you to become a doormat for some guy or gal. If you have to change who you are at a fundamental level for another person, it will only spell disaster for you in the long run.

Answer 9

If he loves you, then he should love you for who you are right now, and not expect you to change. You are who you are, and he knew that before he said "I love you." If he loves you, why would he want you to change??????

*****RED FLAG*****

NEVER change who you are for anyone. Remember, at the end of the day, YOU have to be happy with who YOU are, and you don't need ANYONES approval to be you. If he doesn't like it, he isn't the right one for you.

Think about this... if you do make changes for him and the relationship doesn't work out, then what??? You changed and he is still not happy, are you?? I hate to go to this extreme, but it is possible.

Answer 10

You have to make a distinction between change and compromise, since compromise is often necessary for a successful relationship, and not just a romantic one. Compromises are changes- sometimes quite significant, but ideally both parties participate, not just one. You change by practice and trial and error- if you are motivated, it happens, and becomes habit.