sometimes when you mention that you're separated i've noticed a lot of women shy away. they say the reason is because i could get back with my ex. I say that's really weird especially if your ex filed for divorce, it's a nasty one, and you haven't spoken in 6 months. do people actually get back together after all that nasty stuff going on? I wouldn't think so so why are people so afraid of that?
2007-10-02 04:09:20 · 16 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I made the mistake of dating a man who was seperated. He was "in the process" of getting a divorce for over a year. I found out that the divorce papers had been sitting on his desk waiting for his signature for 3 months. We dated for almost a year and in that time, I was never introduced to any of his family because he said "it would be too hard on them to see him with someone else." What bull crap.
And I ended up paying for the sins of the wife. It is all too fresh for the ones involved in the seperation. You need to finalize your divorce before you start dating again.
I have no idea what happened to him, his wife, or his family. I had enough, left one day and never looked back.
You cannot expect someone to share the burden of divorce proceedings with you.
2007-10-02 04:29:52 · answer #1 · answered by Bogey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you shouldnt even be out on the market if you are just seperated because legally you are still married. The smart women will shy away because there is an amazingly significant chance that a seperated person will return to their spouse but also that the person isnt really seperated at all but is a liar. Just because your story is that the divorce is nasty and there is no chance of getting back together doesnt mean that is the truth (not saying you are lying just that it is the line everyone uses). My divorce was nasty- I filed- and have to be honest, I can't imagine having been happily dating 6 mths later.
2007-10-02 11:22:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not, yes. Some people do get back together no matter how nasty it has been between them. Sometimes it's for love, and sometimes it's for other reasons, like children or finances, that they may get back together. (Have you ever heard that saying, "it's cheaper to keep her?") Each time the couple gets back together, they always think that things are going to be different, and in the back of their minds they tell themselves that if things aren't different, at least they will be better prepared for the next separation. It's weird and complicated, but, yes, people do tend to reconcile after a nasty separation, and that is why a lot of people are relunctant to get involved with someone that is just separated from their spouse and not officially divorced.
2007-10-02 11:21:09 · answer #3 · answered by ladyinpink607 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was there. There is the obvious possibility that the couple could reconcile. But the biggest problem is that there is still so much drama and baggage in that persons life that they are not a good potential partner. It actually took me many months after my divorce was final to recognize that. I had dated while separated and more than one woman walked away from me. The crap part is they always liked me a lot, they just didn't want all the extras that went along with me at that time. Looking back, I can understand 100%. I will not seriously date a seperated woman. I'll go out with her and have fun with her but I would not commit to her
2007-10-02 11:40:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't shy away on the basis that you might get back together but rather that you have not yet gotten over the baggage of whatever caused your marriage to end. In other words, you're on the rebound. Now I would date you as someone just to go out and have fun with. But not as someone I might be interested in forming a long term relationship with. You need to do some self examination and healing of the old wounds first. And most women are afraid that even going out with you socially will leave them open to the possibility that they might develop feelings for you and then it will be a mess on their hands. You are better off saying right up front that you are going through a divorce (not separated) and you are not ready for another serious relationship yet, but you are just looking for a female friend to go out and have fun with.
2007-10-02 11:25:48 · answer #5 · answered by meagain 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because you are married. A decent women will never date a married man. The truth is that women do not want to get tangled with an unavailable man and then get in the middle of a divorce or get hurt by being the rebound relationship. Women do not want the emotional bagagge and have to heal your wounds, heck no. Women are also aware of the "commitment" issues that follows a divorce. Thanks but no thanks.
I'm glad to hear they are still smart women left in the world.
You should wait until you are divorced and healed before attempting dating or lower your standards ALOT. Maybe some desperate, ugly, fat, uneducated, inmoral, dumb women will fall for the sympathy card.
Good luck
2007-10-02 11:20:46 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because until the divorce is final you are still married which means you're a married person looking for a partner not your spouse. Or in plain english it paints you as a cheater. Once they realize you're still married yet looking for a woman they make a logical leap that you are seperated because you cheated on your wife--based reasonably upon your current actions.
That doesn't even get into all the women who are smart enough not to want to be the 'rebound' relationship for a guy.
2007-10-02 11:15:27 · answer #7 · answered by Saphira 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Because sometimes you do go back. You are still married. I wouldn't date someone who's separated either. There still too much baggage. I believe people who are separated still need to work out issues that caused their divorce in the first place before they jump into another relationship.
2007-10-02 11:12:57 · answer #8 · answered by CC 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It might not be likely for you, but it does happen. People usually go by past experience, so they try to avoid situations that have a high likelihood of being difficult or painful.
Hang in there until your divorce is final, and you'll be free to move on. It's probably better for you to wait, anyway, you'll be in a better place emotionally when it is all behind you.
2007-10-02 11:15:33 · answer #9 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because while you are separated even in the midsts of divorce you are STILL married. A woman who gets involved with a man who is STILL married becomes a whore, no self respecting woman with morals and values WANTS to be a whore.
2007-10-02 17:24:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋