We were married 6 yrs together for 9. Over the years alot of hostility built up because of many fights and stupid things that he has done. We got married because we we're living together and thought we loved each other and were comfortable with each other. We never cheated on each other and have similar lifestyles . We basically keep to ourselves & have no friends. I have a big immediate family. We have to 2 boys. All the fights caused alot of hurt, hostility and mistrust. He's a good husband as far as he does housework, works hard outside of the house, doesn't cheat, hang out, or drink or drugs but I feel that we don't really get along as a couple and now that I look back, I don't think he was ever in love. He sends text messages saying that he does and is very affectionate, but I don't think he was ever in love with me. I think we should divorce, but he doesn't. I don't think counselling would work unless there was true love at one time which there wasn't & isn't.
2007-10-02 03:58:51 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I will feel guilty to divorce because of the boys, but I'm not happy, actually miserable at times. I want true love.
2007-10-02 04:00:50 · update #1
I will feel guilty to divorce because of the boys, but I'm not happy, actually miserable at times. I want true love. Our boys are 22 months and 5 yrs old.
2007-10-02 04:01:47 · update #2
I guess there is a bit of truth in all your comments, but there is alot of hurt, because of things that were said and done through all the arguing. How do you get over that?
2007-10-02 08:23:11 · update #3
Honey u have to worry about ur happiness, I know its hard to leave becuz of kids but what good are u to them if ur not happy... You don't want ur kids to think that a marriage survives by fighting.
Do whats best for u becuz whats best for u IS whats best for them kids!!
Sounds like ur hubby does love u and its u that don't love him, theres nothing wrong w/ that it happens u can't control the way u feel if u don't love him u don't, no counseling is gonna make u love him.
2007-10-02 04:11:31 · answer #1 · answered by NONAME 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A man who does housework, works hard outside of the home, doesn't cheat, hang out, drink or do drugs and is very affectionate truly loves you. If you can't see that, the problem is YOU--not your husband. Why would you take these little boys from their father, simply because you're too immature to accept true love? The fairy tale love you're looking for doesn't exist. When you have children to raise, it's the day-to-day commitment that tells you if your man's for real. It's his willingness to stand by you that shows his love.
It may be that the love wasn't as strong when you started out; but over the years it has grown into what it is now, where this man is still with you--still taking care of his responsibilities and showing you the kind of love money can't buy. You'd better grow up, girlfriend. Good men are extremely hard to find; and if you let this one slip through your fingers, you may regret it for the rest of your life!
2007-10-02 11:25:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to him. tell him how you feel and let him explain his feelings to you too. actions speak louder than words I believe. If he does anything to show you he loves you then he really does. He must have had some type of feelings for you otherwise he wouldn't of married you. Some men have odd ways of showing they love someone. He wouldn't want to make your relationship work if he didn't love you. Try to do things that light the spark in the relationship again. Plan a romantic evening with him. Have someone babysit your boys. Remind each other why you two chose each other. If you still feel miserable then seriously try counseling. My mother and stepfather do it right now, they go to separate counselors and then discuss what they talked about with each other. Counseling can be very helpful to figure out what is wrong in the relationship. Also try a trial separation. You get a feel of what it's like to be divorced from him and not have him in your life and this way you know for sure if being with him is the cause of your unhappiness.
2007-10-02 11:24:46 · answer #3 · answered by Jacob's Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WOW! dramatic. well i'm not married but i do plan on marrying the guy I am with now. but if you're ae not happy at all and there's no hope, then the only option is divorce. and maybe it's not that he doesn't love you.... it might be that you never loved him you just thought you did because you wanted to love someone and have a happy life. i dont know if this helped any i am kinda young and haven't had all the experiences of a couple who's been married for years. but marriage councelling might actually help. even if on of you don't really love the other you can find out for sure and know and have no doubts and he might realize that a divorce is a good idea. also if you go to councelling they might be able to help you with your guilt issue and tell you how to talk to your kids about whatt's going on. no moatter how old they are a good explaination of what's about to happen in their lives will mean alot.
2007-10-02 11:07:26 · answer #4 · answered by reppin4memphis 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK, lady..he does alot of stupid things, what about you? what stupid things have you done to cause some of these fights? From what you're saying about your husband, that he is a good man and many women would want a man like you have. But, you sound so sad to be married to a decent man. Listne lady, look into the mirror and tell me what do you see. Can you tell me what kind of love is this woman is looking for? What prevent this woman to feel the love that she think love should be? Can this woman describe what she think what love should be? When adding and subtracting everything you have stated, it still come up....You.
2007-10-02 11:25:14 · answer #5 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No answer is going to be the right one for you, but do you know how many women wish they had a man that DIDN'T CHEAT, SMOKE, DRINK. I know you say you want true love. Do you think you know what true love is. Matters of the heart, relationships, love and respect are always the hardest things to understand. I really think you should consider marriage counseling maybe you could learn something to help your marriage. HE DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A BAD GUY TO ANY OF US.......
2007-10-02 11:26:54 · answer #6 · answered by blackpearl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His actions speak of true love. He sounds like, for all the fighting and stupid little mistakes, that he is a decent man who wants to support his family and take care of you. He texts you telling you he loves you and is affectionate.
I think counseling would be a great idea. Maybe you can figure out why you hold grudges and don't recognize true love when it's staring you in the face.
2007-10-02 11:03:32 · answer #7 · answered by Saphira 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are planning on breaking up your family because you cannot accept that your husband loves you. Get that counseling, don't assume it won't help you. My guess is, that somewhere you got a confused message as to what love is, and your self worth. You need to find out what's going in your head, with a good counselor, before you destroy the lives of 4 people. The problem isn't your husband, I doubt if he could ever prove to you that he loves you, because you just aren't ever going to accept that. The problem is with you. Get that fixed and then see if divorce is appropriate. Good luck to you.
2007-10-02 11:07:18 · answer #8 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
dear, you are not a mind reader. you have no idea if your hubby was "in love" with you or is still "in love" with you. he married you didn't he? he must have been in love with you at some point. from what you have written, there doesn't really seem like there is anything wrong with your relationship. you argue, but everyone argues. give counseling a try. it is possible to fall in love with someone again. but it takes a lot of work and your tone doesn't seem like you really want to put the work into it. both of you have to really want to make it work and try hard at it everyday. love and marriage are not just things that happen. it's not a guaranteed happily ever after.
2007-10-02 11:06:56 · answer #9 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
SO, you get a divorce and start dating men that treat you like crap. Then 30 years later after being treated like crap by over 100 men, my guess is you will regret leaving him?????
Lots of truth to "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" and "The grass seems greener on the other side"
You have got it much better than you think and if you can't be happy with him you will probably NEVER be happy!
2007-10-02 11:07:31 · answer #10 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋