Are we normal newlyweds?

Question

Is it normal to be absolutly in love with my husband, but to think of how things woud be with out him? We have been married for 3 months and I love him very much. We have a 6 week old daughter who is the light of our lives. Since our baby was born we seem to argue a lot. Every time we argue I wonder if I would have been better off not marrying him, then I look at him and remember what it was that made me fall in love with him and I feel ashamed for even letting my brain wander to the though of asking for a divorce. I have not told him that I have even considered leaving him. There is not kind of abuse involved, I am just extreemly sensitive and hate to argue with someone I love. I watched my parents rip eachother apart with arguements and I can't do that to my daughter.
I guess my question is this...Am I just being too sensitive about the whole thing? Anyone have any advice about how to overcome the guilt I face for these feelings?

Answer 1

You sound like a normal married couple who just had a baby. Both of you are stressed and instead of communicating by talking, you're communicating by arguing. Get a sitter and spend some alone time with your new hubby, even if it's just going somewhere quiet so you can to talk to each other. Don't give up on the marriage and take the easy way out by divorce. Marriage is a commitment. Think back on your vows. Work it out. Oh, and don't feel guilty about your feelings...they are normal feelings of a new mom who thinks running away from it all sound like the perfect plan. It's not. Good luck!

Answer 2

Every couple fights. As long as you know that you love each other and are willing to do whatever it takes to keep that love alive then you are ok. It is perfectly healthy to fight with eachother but not abusive fighting but you don't seem to have that so you're ok. Being newlyweds and having a new baby at the same time can be really stressful for many. You don't get to enjoy that alone time together as a newly married couple and that there probably caused some tension along with the new sleeping paterns you have to make with having a new baby. Things will eventually fall into place if you work on it. Have one of your friends or parents babysit for you so the two of yo can have a nice evening together to get away from all the stress. Having a baby is a blessing and a joy and having a new marriage is also a blessing because not only do you have a new child to love but you also have a husband who loves you and shares the love for your child.

Answer 3

It is normal for your situation. A marriage is a big step, and it's hard enough to get used to all of the minute details attached to that, but throw a baby in the mix and it's even HARDER. (Been there, done that) Your body's not even over having the baby. I'm sure your hormones are still a bit off, and you're bound to be a bit more sensitive than usual. Getting used to being a wife is a big change, and being a mother even bigger. Combine the two, and you've got yourself an emotional cocktail. Hang in there. You might feel this way often. Doesn't mean you don't love your husband. Let him know you do NOT like the arguing and why. Let this play out for a while and see what happens. Try not to attack for every little thing. He's got to adjust to two things too. Not only does he have to be a supportive, husband and take care of his wife, but he's been thrust into the role of father at the same time, and that's a very big responsibility by itself. Take your time on things. Be considerate of each other, and try to understand this adjustment is a big one, but doable, and temporary. Things will settle in. If things only get worse, then you'll deal with it as it comes. Right now you have your hands full trying to figure out how to be a good wife, AND Mommy. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I think its normal how you are feeling, i am not married myself but i am in a serious relationship and live with my partner so i hope that doesnt put u off my responce as i am not exactly in your shoes. my opinion is u have just got married and had a new born baby 6 weeks ago, congrats by the way. your hormones are probably still abit all over the place at the mo and im sure your sleep patterns have changed quite abit so lack of it can make yourself and husband a little bit more cranky than normal. even i get like that with my bf when we fight, i think i dont want to be with him but like yourself i remember what made me love him in the first place. i also grew up with arguements in my home from my parents and swore i would never do that to my children when i decide to have them. but dont forget u have alot going on in your life, new responsibilities, dont be hard on yourself, i can tell u are in love because the fact that u feel quilty for even thinking the idea shows that u want your family. try to relieve some of your stress by joining something that at least for an hour a day u can take your mind off things, it might just work, no harm in trying it

Answer 5

Babies test a couple. Babies bring stress and arguments. Everything you said is normal. You really need to think about the importance of having your child have their father in their lives, seeing a loving marriage growing up, and the importance of NOT being a struggling single parent mother.
Marriage to a wonderful man is a gift. Do not expect perfection. I'm sure you are not perfect, so why would you expect your man to be perfect and your marriage or life to be perfect.
I find couples who don't argue as strange and in my opinions arguments to small things can help you prepare for bigger problems you may face and learning to argue is similar to communication. Communication is important.
You should get a babysitter more often and be alone with your husband. Go to the movies and get a break from baby.

Answer 6

Sometimes arguements leave you stronger. I wouldn't divorce him, but figure out what you're fighting about. Is it how to raise your baby? Money? Future plans? Whatever it is, sit down and discuss it civilly. Get a baby sitter and go out for a nice dinner, and just talk about your views, but let him tell you his. Doing this in a public, quiet setting rather than at home should keep the chance of it breaking out into a fight to a minimum. Once you've heard each others' sides, try to see it from his point of view and ask that he do the same for you. It'll be easier at that point to come to common grounds and agree on something. Understand, though, that you may not get your way 100% but your goal is 50% your way and 50% his way. Once you come to an agreement, go home, make love, have a good nights' sleep, and start what you agreed on the next morning.

Answer 7

This is normal for some couples to fight a lot right after a baby is born. My hubby and I went through it and what made it stop was that I realized it was happening because 1. I was tired, 2. he was scared, and 3. we were simply adjusting to being a family.

Sit down and tlak to him. It might end up as an arguement but keep trying, it'll work out in the end:)

Answer 8

Your feelings are normal, however, you do need to get the to root of the problem as to why you two are arguing. It would seem to me as though there is a lot of stress especially with the new baby and all. Do both of you work? Are you having financial difficulties? There is a bigger problem here that needs to be talked about and it can be fixed. Don't give up yet sweetie, it will get better. Just analyze the situation and see what's really going on, maybe go see a counselor

Answer 9

I just think that you and your husband are completely normal.

Don't forget that it's an enormously stressful time for both of you. Being 3 months into a marriage or having a new baby would each be enough stress on their own. Put them together and you have a volatile mix.

I think it's really important to ASK for what you want, to be specific and spell it out for him. Men can't read women's minds, and they tend to be defensive when confronted, so take that out of the equation by being calm, working out what you want, and asking for it. If he upsets you, don't say "you mongrel.. blah blah". Instead tell him for example.. "that really made me feel like you don't care about me". The most important thing is not to get into a habit of nit-picking at each other, which is destructive for a relationship. Stop worrying, you're just normal. Hope it all works out. Big smile from Lidy :o)

Answer 10

I've been married for a little over 2 months and my hubby and I argue quite a bit. I've heard the first year of marriage is the hardest. When you think of yourself without him, think about all the things you'd be missing out on! You wouldn't even have your daughter. Just think about all the things you appreciate about your husband. I know it's hard and sometimes you think "Why the hell am I doing this" But trust me, if you really love him it will all work out in the end!