I have been married for 14 years.
I love my wife I just do not know what to do anymore. Somedays I feel I am going crazy and my heart feels empty.
Do I leave, Do I stay and support her, What do I do?
She had an affair for approx a year over 3 years ago
Since then she says she has no passion for me but loves me.
She said she was not herself when she had the affair
I do believe she loves me but question it alot.
I just can't stand that I do not feel the love from her and she can not show it.
Since the affair I have battled depression.
We have 3 beautiful children
I know that before our affair work and money came first to me.
I have tried to change (Actually I have changed) I asked her what she needed from me. She said a listener and I have worked very hard at doing that.
I have told her that I have needs and have been very straight up on what those needs are. Things that I love are long kisses, Out of the blue affection, a night out, touching. She will not try any of them
2007-10-02 02:11:14 · 26 answers · asked by PS 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems you have been able to get passed the affair better than she has. It's been three years, and you have probably talked until you were blue in the face. Something is stopping her from being affectionate with you, and it maybe something beyond her understanding. I can only suggest professional help. Good Luck.
2007-10-02 02:25:00 · answer #1 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow, I would try some couples counseling to try and save the marraige...If that doesn't work, then maybe it is time to hang it up. An affair for over a year is a LONG affair, ultimately she had lots of feelings for this man or it would have been a very short one, so I am sure she is dealing with all that too.
You guys need professional counseling. Some things are meant to be, and some are not, so as long as you try everything you can and it still doesnt work, then don't feel ashamed. I hope it works out, good luck.
2007-10-02 02:16:35 · answer #2 · answered by brooklyn7582 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your wife understood your priorities as leaving her out and not respecting her. In order to get attention, she found another man. In doing so, she lost her respect for you.
Therefore, while her affair got your attention, it was too little too late. You were not paying attention to your priorities when there was a chance for your marriage to be saved.
Once cheating has occurred there is pretty much no reason for the marriage to continue. Once respect is lost on either side the marriage will fail. Respect is something that is earned and once lost never regained.
The best thing that the two of you can do is to get divorced and restart your lives. This marriage has been over since before the affair started. The love that she says she has for you is just based upon past experience. There is no real love there now.
Take care,
Troy
2007-10-02 02:24:40 · answer #3 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First thing, Do not over text her. She will get annoyed and if you keep telling her "TAKE ME BACK I LOVE YOU." Learn here https://tr.im/TayIk
She will not want you even more. You need to show her that you don't need her and can live your life without her. She still cares about you I am sure. Maybe try "flirting" with other girls around her to make her jealous. I know its bad, but if i saw my ex flirting with someone else it would make me REALLY ANGRY. However, you still need to show her you care about her too. Show her what she's missing and remind her of it. Be confident and don't show your broken heart. Try ignoring her? Girls hate that. You want her to come to you. Once she does this YOU have all the power.
She will realize what you mean to her and she will hopefully come crawling back. (I am in the same situation as you, except I am the girl trying to get my ex back). Try not to be so clingy and give her space. But try to be around so she sees you, but don't talk to her much. Keep convos short and if you txt her, which you shouldn't, then also keep it short and bland. This will be hard to do because you just want to let her in your life again, but you can't. If you show her that you are desperate to get her back, she won't go for it. Make her come to you and REMIND her of all that she is missing out on. Hope this helps. And trust me, I know how you feel. Girls usually come around easier than guys so you should be lucky. ughh wish i could say the same.
2016-07-19 14:48:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest counselling. Sounds like after 14 years the marriage has lost its spark a bit. Does she want the marriage to work? You need to ask her straight out if she wants to try again with you or not. This bad atmosphere will rub off on your children and its not fair to them.
Sometimes it better to walk away then to stay and fight a losing battle. The problem is if you stay while you are both feeling like this the marriage will end in tears.
Good Luck.
2007-10-02 03:08:34 · answer #5 · answered by emma157 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have to agree with Iceman. As long as you two are not physically hurting each other, the kids are better off with a cohesive family. What's so wrong with staying together for the kids' sake? All that means is that you're putting their priorities, their needs, before your own. Surf this site and read some of the questions from kids whose parents have split up. You'll read a lot of pain. They feel abandoned and blame themselves. Good luck.
2007-10-02 02:48:33 · answer #6 · answered by electraglideinblue 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Been there done it!
My wife or ex-wife of 12 years had an affair for a year without my knowledge!
We tried to make it work. But you MUST have trust in a marriage! Once it is gone, its nearly impossible to attain it again!
It doesn't seem like she is trying to establish that trust again.
I have 5 children, not an easy choice, but I left her!
Took some time, but my life now is wonderful!
Remember not to blame yourself, no one is perfect!
Her actions weren't justified by your focus on money and work!
If she wasn't happy...she should have moved on...just like you should!
Life is too short to be miserable! Trust me!
Sometimes the grass may seem greener on the other side of the fence, only to find its on FIRE!
Thats what my ex told me after our divorce! BTW we are still friends!
2007-10-02 02:27:37 · answer #7 · answered by Cajun_Hunter67 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/AKiLB
Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.
The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.
Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.
2016-04-27 13:02:50 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is using u and has been for a while now. my guess is she is still having her affair if she isn't into long kisses or touching u. i would be careful about kissing her now anyhow, she probably had his member in her mouth and swallowed a glob of hot chaod for him and maybe some got stuck in her teeth, then u kiss her and bingo ur kissing his glob. ur going to have to move on from here and her, get urself a puppy and start meeting women that will want to have long kisses and are willing to touch u. maybe even touch ur member for a change. if the puppy dosen't help ur going to have to buy a new car too. good luck to u
2007-10-02 02:32:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Either go somewhere for professional help (together) or end the marriage. If she won't agree to go to counseling with you, she doesn't really love you as a wife should. I still love my ex-husbands (many) but I'm not in love with them; I wouldn't make love to them. But, I wouldn't expect them to pay my way and allow me to live with them if I couldn't give them what they needed. It's best that you go and find what you need from someone else if she isn't willing to change. Just don't waste time. Take care of it now. I wasted so much time during my 11 marriages listening to empty promises. (all ended in divorce)
2007-10-02 02:20:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋