my dad left us and i really miss him. He wont event talk to me because my mam says its to upsetting for him?

Question

but he doesnt no how much its hurting me. Not seeing him, he doesnt understand that hes stopping me from going to school. i want to write him a letter telling how much i want him back in my life. can u please help me i dont no what to write luv susan

Answer 1

You definitely need to have some kind of contact with him. I'm sure that both he and your mum are sad and upset, but as a child, they both need to look at what is best for you first. As for not going to school, I can fully understand how being sad and depressed is keeping you from going. Of course right now, school might be your best ally in this. Go and see the guidence councellor at your school. Let them know what is going on at home, that is what they are there for. They may be able to talk to both your mum and your dad and explain to both of them what this seperation is doing to you and how important it is for you to have contact with your dad. If you do it this way, maybe you can avoid conflict with your mum about how to go about contacting him and an adult can explain it to your dad about how important he is to you. If you go to guidance for some assistance you will also be able to improve marks and get help for anything you may have missed at school as you have a valid reason for having difficulty.
Break ups in families are always hard and unfortunately, very often, the adults don't realize what it is doing to the children. Get a third party to intervene for you. You need both your parents.
Hugs and best wishes to you!

Answer 2

Susan-
There's nothing wrong with writing your dad a letter, just don't expect it to work miracles. Maybe the only thing it will do is help you sort out your feelings by writing them down, but that's reason enough to do it right there. We all want our parents to be perfect, but that's just not realistic. Your dad made a choice in leaving, and unless he was being physically abused, that choice was somewhat self-centered. His unwillingness to let you "upset him" by being around is also pretty selfish. Now, maybe he doesn't realize how much his leaving hurt you, but he must have known it would be hard for you. Write the letter, tell him what you feel. Just don't have unrealistic expectations about what he'll do when he reads it.

Answer 3

Is your father, by any chance, a combat veteran? If so, his attitude is unfortunate but understandable. You cannot imagine the horrors he will have witnessed. Many - far, far too many -of those horrors will have been perpetrated upon wives and children. Seeing his family whole while having seen others shattered in a manner too dreadful to describe could well drive him to isolate himself due to feelings of extreme guilt and despair. It's got a name: post-traumatic stress disorder. It is very real, and often it's effect is paralyzing, especially of emotional connections. Your mother's comment about communicating with his family being "upsetting" makes me wonder if that's what's going on with him - or something quite similar.
It's really unfair, isn't it? You didn't cause his pain and you are hurting because of his pain. You do have a right to know why this is happening, but it may not be possible to find out what's going on for quite some time. For now, you need to concentrate on helping your mother, and your siblings if you have any, cope with your father's absence. If there is any communication from him, you can try to let him know you miss him. You could even go ahead and write to him - and don't worry about not knowing the perfect words to say; just let him know how you feel and ask him please to try to help you understand. Writing the letter will help you feel a bit better, even if there's no immediate response.
Your story really pulls at my heart, child: so many of my fellow veterans have experienced similar situations - and there's always others who also experience those veterans' pain too. Sometimes, life sucks. I wish I could give you a hug - but it'd be far better if your Dad did it.

Answer 4

Well a letter is a good start and, when you do decide to write him just tell him how this is making you feel. Be honest and, see if there is anyway of you seeing him in the near future. Find out where he is staying and send it there. I wouldn't say anything to your Mom about it because this is to your Dad and, it seems to me that your parents have enough on there plate as it is. Plus your Mom is obviously shutting you down when you talk about your father. Maybe he doesn't even realize that your hurting this much about the situation and how much this is effecting you schooling. Hope this helps. Good luck

Answer 5

I don't understand how your dad's leaving keeps you from going to school. Write him a letter telling him that you love him very much, and that he's important to you. You hope that when he gets settled, you can come visit. In the meantime, you would love to talk to him, or at least have him write you. Try not to make him feel guilty. It sounds like he's already feeling bad.

Answer 6

Your mom might be trying to spare your feelings that he doesn't have contact. However, if He's the one that's upset and not your mom, it might be your mom that caused the problems. You need to talk to your mom and get more details on why he left.