My dicorce will be final in Jan 2008. I have a 14 yr old daughter who we share custody. ( He gets her every other weekend and every Wed ) He does not pay child support. He does pay her private school tuition - but we split everything else. Per court orders.
Anyway - he is telling me he can go back into the divorce papers and add that I can not live with another man unless I am married. Is this true? Wouldn't I have to agree and sign something that would have to go back thru the courts? My boyfriend and I adding on another bedroom and bathroom just for her. Just curious if he even knows what he is talking about.
2007-10-02 01:38:02 · 26 answers · asked by TUNA_BURGER 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
UPDATE - I do not live with my boyfriend yet. We plan on getting married, but not before my lease runs out on my apt. I would not move in with him until my divorce is final - and my lease runs out. So - I am lokking at living with him for - 2 months before getting married.
2007-10-02 04:47:12 · update #1
Your divorce isn't even final yet and your living with another man? What's up with that?
2007-10-02 01:43:06 · answer #1 · answered by Elt 5 · 4⤊ 3⤋
Well, you left him for another man. And you took his daughter away...He is striking out in whatever way he can to try and get control of the situation.
He can tell you that you cannot live with another man, but you do not have to obey him. The only result he could hope to achieve is to get the court to change the ruling on custody or alimony payments by proving you are an unfit mother by moving in with someone....and frankly that isn't likely to happen.
This is what happens when a family is broken up. Be prepared for more of the same.
2007-10-02 01:46:45 · answer #2 · answered by artistagent116 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget what the ex-husband thinks, have you thought about what YOUR CHILD thinks, or will learn from this move? Are you and this guy at least talking about a more permanent living arrangement (i.e. engaged/married), or could this be another situation that disintergrates later on, and you start from square-one all over again with another guy, and her even more confused about who the actual father-figure in her life is?
Are you ready to tackle the "blended family" issues that will arise with her, concerning a man thay may or may not be around in a year or two? True, it is a double-standard if dad is doing the same thing, but she actually does live with you the majority of the time, and sees what you are doing a great deal more than she does her dad. Translation: she will learn and mimick a great deal more of your behaviors, than her father's.
Question: what kind of example are you setting for your kid by doing this? What will you say ten years from now if she informs you that she wants to move in with "just a boyfriend?"
Think about it. In my professional life, I have to go back on a daily basis and clean up the "messes" that self-centered parents create for their kids' lives because they don't look any farther past their nose, or other body parts, for that matter...
2007-10-02 02:09:36 · answer #3 · answered by ranran4 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No way. He just probably doesnt want another man around is daughter but can he really expect you to be single for the rest of your life? If he's going to pay alimony there is such a law that says if you are living with someone (in a relationship) it would be considered something like marriage and he wouldnt have to pay alimony anymore. Not sure of the exact law but I read that somewhere a while ago. And I'm sure you dont give a crap anyway with your new boyfriend and as long as the ex-husband keeps paying tuition.
2007-10-02 01:47:18 · answer #4 · answered by Vicky Lovers 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he can't tell YOU who to live with but he can be concerned about your daughter's wellbeing and wondering if what is best for her if her mother is quickly finding herself in another relationship.
If he is being sincere he will be asking whether or not it is in your daughter's best interest to be living with a mother who is moving in with another man and the divorce isn't even final yet. IF he is sincere.
If he is being a bas^$& then he wants to make trouble for you by using your daughter. In either case, you need to talk to your lawyer and ensure that he isn't threatening you or thinking that this new relationship of yours is not a bad thing for your daughter.
On another note, are you SURE you should be moving into another relationship so quickly when your divorce isn't even final yet? Is this really good for YOU? Have you learned from your mistakes? Why are you in such a rush? Shouldn't you be learning how to be a single independent woman and working on ensuring that your daughter is coping rather than shacking up with someone?
have you done the counselling? Have you learned what went wrong and how you won't make the same mistakes again?
Don't go so fast. Your ex may be doing you a favour by forcing you to think twice Note that most post divorce relationships do not have a high rate of success because have not learned from their mistakes. Focus on your daughter and what she needs. At age 14, she's fragile. They are nuts at that age and need parents to focus on them.
2007-10-02 01:46:53 · answer #5 · answered by teritaur 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is a typical controlling idiot, who is trying to use the threat of the legal system as a way of hurting you. He cannot legally force you not to live with someone, unless that someone is endangering your child and he can prove that. And he cannot just add stipulations to the court papers at will either.
Generally as the woman with custody of the child, you are in the drivers seat. If you decided to become vindictive, you could almost certainly hit him up for more money if you wanted to. I'd tell him to mind his own business, and not make the situation worse for himself.
2007-10-02 01:45:36 · answer #6 · answered by ZCT 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi hon...
first of all if you aren't even divorced, you don't have any business with a boyfriend right now...
people who are going through divorce really don't have a lot to give emotionally -- if you step back and take a good, hard look, you are still going through the divorce process, which is very emotionally trying, and taking a lot of your focus.
of course, it's entirely up to you but from my viewpoint and from experience and what i've seen, jumping from one relationship into the next isn't healthy. it's called rebounding.
yes he can probably TRY TO add that clause to the divorce papers, but your attorney can fight it... apparently, your ex is a control freak.
i sure hope things work out for you, through the divorce and new relationship. take care ok?
2007-10-02 02:11:54 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He can tell you anything he wants. That does not mean you have to listen. As for going back into the papers and adding that BS, tell him to go ahead. The judge will laugh him right out of the court room. That ex, or soon to be ex, is an idiot.
2007-10-02 01:59:19 · answer #8 · answered by bootsontheroad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he can add it but yes you would have to sign it.
But he can take it before a judge and some judges will say that you can NOT live with someone that is not your spouse.
In some states it is even illegal to do so. Beside the fact you are STILL married.
You need to check with your lawyer.
EDIT: To everyone implying she doesn't have MORALS because she wants to live with a man she's not married too, you're WRONG!!! She simply has DIFFERENT morals then you!
2007-10-02 01:45:37 · answer #9 · answered by Spring 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, the court can order that no other man is present while his daughter is with you, and that would be the same for him. Then once one of you does it, you may lose your rights if it's in the court order saying not to do it.
He can't add it unless it's through court.
My advice is do not live with another man unless your married. Bad idea. TRUST ME
2007-10-02 02:29:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm wondering why you are living with a man you're not married to? And why are you investing money into anything as serious as property, with a man you're not married to? You're showing your daughter the worst example for females, not to mention setting yourself up for failure. Your ex-husband may not be able to stop you from acting so foolishly, but he is certainly right about not wanting his daughter exposed to such a decadent lifestye. Too bad you don't care as much!
2007-10-02 02:17:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋