I have been with my bf for 3 years and we have lived together for about 18 months, i love him to bits and would love to take our relationship to the next level, but he wants to stay like we are. he has never told me he loves me. I have children from a previous relationship and he treats them like his own which is great, we are a family but i would like to get married as this is how i feel i love him and feel i am ready to marry him and settle down properly. I have strong feelings about this but every time i try to talk to him about it he just tells me "i am going on and on and he doesn't want marriage and that is the end of the matter" when i tell him i love him he just says whatever this hurts. What do i do?
2007-10-01 23:39:41 · 41 answers · asked by sea salt 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds 2 me like he aint ever gonna marry u. move on find someone that cares about ur feelings. just coz he treats ur kids nice aint no reason to stay wiv him.
2007-10-01 23:42:58 · answer #1 · answered by wonderingstar 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm an old fart, and have old fashioned advice. Your BF is comfortable and happy with the way things are now. You aren't. This IS the reason that just living together is usually a losing proposition for women. You have two choices. Forget marriage, and accept what you have, or gamble that he does love you, and wants to keep you. You tell BF that he marries you, or you are breaking up. Give him ONE WEEK to make up his mind. Then, IF he hasn't decided to marry, start getting your life separate from him. Look for an apartment, begin packing up your things, and be obviously preparing to leave. This will show you if he's just been enjoying a semi long term bed buddy, or if he IS in love with you. And, finding that out IS a good thing, no matter what the answer is.
2007-10-02 02:31:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I can tell you how it was for me by my own experience. I lived with my husband before we were married. We had 3 children together before we got married and another one after we were married. He had this for real phobia of needles so wouldn't get the required blood test. After a bout in the hospital for a medical condition, we were married since they put him through a lot of test and broke that phobia down. We were only married 5 years until I divorced him, yet we never seperated. Now does that sound crazy! Once we were married, he acted like he had a dead to a house or a title to a car. Once we divorced, he didn't know if he had one foot in the door or one foot out the door and we lived happily ever after. :-) Not really, no one does. That is only in fairy tales. We had our problems like every other couple but we loved each other and were able to work through them. My husband passed away 8 years ago. Only you can decide what is best for you. Being happy is the single most important thing!
2007-10-02 00:03:41 · answer #3 · answered by Sidney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on girl!!!! Leave now... The longer you wait the harder it will be... You can go it alone... You'll find a new man that will love you more than this guy ever could.. And he'll want to marry you!
He sounds a little weird - he never said I love you after 3 years? That IS NOT normal... Look at this site:
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/20traitsofmalignantnarcissism1.msnw
If you see him in any of those descriptions you should take your kids and get out of this unhealthy relationship now, before your life turns into a living nightmare...
I really do wish you the best...
2007-10-02 01:09:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what he sees the future being for you two. Tell him you need at least a clue, because your kids need security. For practical reasons. He sounds like he really doesnt want to talk about it though so it might make him angry. I would say, judge him by his behaviour. This may be a sore topic with him but you will know how he feels about you by the way he treats you over this. You have legitimate concerns about the future, the act of getting married aside. You are entitled to ask him, he cant leave you hanging just because he doesnt like talking about feelings or he thinks you're nagging him about boring girlie emo stuff. That lack of communication shows a big gap between you two.
2007-10-02 00:39:29 · answer #5 · answered by Wonderwoman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the female version of this; have been with my partner 10 years; he also treats my kids like his own. My grandkids call him granda Jim; he has repeatedly asked me to marry him ,and I have repeatedly said no.
We are a family in every way; we bought a house together; we love each other's children; we are presumed to be married by our neighbours. We have both been married before. Personally it is not something I care to do again; my experiences were very negative.
I would also feel trapped by marriage; I have no way to explain this, other than I know I am more likely to stay forever if I am not forced to, and maybe your partner has sinilar feelings.
Don't push it. He may change; but he will have to do it himself, without any prompting from you. He also sounds like a man who feels uncomfortable saying the words "I love you".
Look at the ways he makes you feel loved, and ask yourself, are the words really that important?
2007-10-01 23:49:38 · answer #6 · answered by marie m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Hon..
Unfortunately, by the mere fact that he says"whatever" when you say you love him, and want to get married,and he has never said he loves you back, is not good..
I don't think this man is going to change his mind!..
This relationship is convenient for him , the way it is..
You have a choice, either stay with him, and continue the relationship as it is..Because, if he ever met someone else, he is not responsible to help support you or your children..You have no security for your children, or yourself, with him..
OR... even though you say you love him to bits..Move on, while you're still young, and get on with your life, and try to meet someone, who does love you, and won't say "whatever" when you say you love them..
It's not an easy decision to make..It's something you have to think about!
Good Luck Sweetie!
PS: Life is too short to be unhappy..And apparently this man, does not care care about your feelings , one way or the other!
2007-10-01 23:56:51 · answer #7 · answered by howdoilvthee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same feeling with you because one of my daughter is living right now with her boyfriend wihtout the sacrament of marriage. She has a 1 yr old daughter whom her boyfriend love very much. They are both single but they don't want to marry yet. I was very discouraged because we are roman catholic and no one in our family lived without marrying first. I found out that the man had bad experienced in his family wherein his sister after 1 year of marriage got separated from the husband because of misunderstanding.The couple has 1 child under the care of her sister. This is the reason why they don't want to marry yet ,but they love each other very much. Both of them want to be sure if they really meant for each other. In your case, give time for your boyfriend. If he really loves you he will be the one to ask you for marriage. And be very careful also with your children.
2007-10-02 00:12:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your bf has told you how he feels, now it's up to you to decide what you are going to do about it. He does not love you and he does not want to marry. Now are you willing to live with someone that does not love you and never be married or would you rather throw away what little security you have in this relationship and take a chance on finding someone else. Find someone that does love you and does want to marry. This is about what you want and what you are willing to give up to get it.
2007-10-01 23:45:35 · answer #9 · answered by jingles 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My married day was by the civil and then eat something with a few friends of mine and go home. i am married but my husband dont want his family and relative knows about that!!!...we have been married and together for 2 years, always we speak about that because i dont like the situation but he just dont want to tell his family the true or have a proper wedding.I believe is something about him so big (maybe is gay)
My advice: give some more time ..until your head explote..in this moment go away, and look after your dreams.
My head is nearly to explote!!
2007-10-01 23:55:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to break up w/ him... you, and the kids, deserve the true family... the full meaning of the word involves marraige for a life time! =) you can hope that he will have a change of heart after some time apart, but, I doubt it... break up... and if he does not come around full circle w/ serious plans to marry then find someone else =(... you should not settle for less than you and the kids deserve! good luck! I also agree w/ jingles and wesley up there too... mostly w/ wesley... and I want to add, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?
2007-10-01 23:50:03 · answer #11 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋