Should i let my 17year old daughter go out with her friends drinking.?

Question

My daughter turned 17 in July should i let her go out with her frends drinking, i have said no but she says all her frends from collage go out, if i do let her out is insisting that she is picked up by me ureasnable.

Answer 1

Hmm it is a tricky one...I will admit that I used to go out at the age of 17 and my parents were aware of were I was going, who I was going with and when I would be back. As a matter of fact my mum picked me up the majority of the team.

I have a really good relationship with my parents, and they have a lot of trust in me. If your daughter is mature and has a good head on her shoulders then I think she will know not to be silly and do anything stupid.

I dont think you are being unreasonable by insisting that you pick her up, obviously the whole idea of mam or dad picking her up is a little embarrassing, but just make sure you dont become unreasonable with a time and that- I'm sure you want your daughter to have a good night? :)

Although you may find, that after one night of attempting to get into pub and clubs without ID may be enough for her! Its an annoying task at that age! hehe! Take it from me! :)

Just have a chat with her and explain that your not particularly happy about it and you want to make sure that she gets home safely, as that is when the trouble happens. Explain that you dont want her to get completelyy trollied and just come to some sort of agreement between you both....if she doesnt stick to it then put your foot down!.

Alix x

Answer 2

Dear Confused, I have been through the same experience where my daughter asked for the same thing. She wanted to be an attraction amongst her friend and as she was not popular, she wanted to drink and booze it out in the crowd. I felt bad that I let her do that at such a tender, growing age. Another case was when my friend's daughter went out at the age of 19 and got herself pregnant. The situation was very chaotic and messed up and her Fiance was so upset that till today, he has not found a new love.now look if u want to be a good dad and an understanding guardian u should probably not send u're daughter........ cause she is first of all... a girl and she may pick up a bad habbit of drinkin and u do not want that to happen. secondly it is even bad for her health and may be bad for her baby in the future.just think it over and list the good points and the bad points for sendin her and u will get the answer in a more appropriate way.

Answer 3

I don't know where you live, but where i live (US), underage drinking is illegal. do you drink? how do you feel when you are under the influence of alcohol? No you should not let your child go out and drink with friends or drink anywhere for that matter. yes, she is going to experiment, it goes with the territory of growing up. Responsible parenting dictates that we don't allow our children to everything they want to do just because we think "they're going to do it anyway". My ex-husband said to me years ago that he would never become a drug addict because his parents and other adult relatives, uncles, cousins, allowed him to do it. Oh, he thought he was really cool. Long story short, he is now addicted to crack cocaine. I lost two homes and countless other material and emotional health behind it. It wasn't the exclusive reason why our marriage ended(it was more about his attitude). Anyway, I say all this to say, you don't know your childs' makeup. My husband, it turns out, is an addictive personality. No one could have known that. But his parents opened the door to his addiction by giving him approval. Little did they know that he couldn't handle it. And now at age 46, he doesn't own a piece of property, can't pay his child support adequately, can't keep a job, although he is the most brilliant salesperson I have ever known. Anyway, stop trying to be your childs' friend and be a responsible parent. Your child will thank you for it. Right now they might seem to be buddy buddy with you, but later on, they will hate you for not establishing and maintaining some ground rules. I just re-read what you asked and you did say that you told her no, the reason why I came out so hard is because you seem to be questioning your own judgement. Do the right thing, not what's popular. I wish you all the best!

Answer 4

My friends have gone out drinking since they were 15. I went out with them a couple of time, it wasn't anything special.

I don't think you should let her go, you have no idea what she could get up to. My Mum picked me up after parties where girls had sex, got stoned, got into fist fights, where cops turned up [I only went to 2 or 3 parties! and I wasn't involved in that stuff]

You're the parent though so it's your choice. Do you know where she will be drinking? Will it be supervised by adults at all times? Will she have to limit alcohol content? Will she have her phone switched on at all times and promise to ring you at a certain time?

I think they are things to think about.

Answer 5

hopefully the more open you are with her about it the more responsible shewill be. i would just try and set a few boundaries like knowing where she is and picking her up is a good idea. maybe offer a close mate alift as well if they live near so you look like you're being helpful. you could let her have the odd drink at home with dinner or whatever as ithink the more you don't let someone do something the more they want to and you don't want her lying.

Answer 6

I might get thumbs down for this but i dont care, this is from experience and personal opinion. i think all teenagers should be allowed to drink at some point, just for the experience and sake of it. if you allow them to have a drink they wont feel the need to lie and sneak around behind your back doing it. trust me, i used to and wished i was allowed a drink when i was younger so i didnt have to lie about it. by allowing them they will feel more mature about the situation and wont feel the need to sit out on the street getting in a state just to prove a point and be rebels. if theyre stopped, it can cause regression in some cases when theyre older. someone i knew wasnt allowed a drink at all, when she got to 18 and was legally allowed she went out drinking all the time just because she wasnt allowed before then, and it messed up her life. if she was allowed when she was younger she wouldnt have felt the need to do this as she would have already got the drink phase out of her system. i know its different for everyone, and do what you personally want as shes your daughter and not even legal for another year yet. but im almost 19 and when your daughter is my age she will be glad you let her and probably wont be drinking anymore. just make sure it doesnt turn into a habit that she takes advantage of. also take into account her maturity level and how you think she will take to it.

Answer 7

you should only let your daughter go out w/ her friends drinking if you A. want to have a grand child or B. want to pick your daughters body up at the morg. or even worse find out she killed some one! what are you thinking? at 17 your not supposta drink that is why the LAW SAYS 21 IN ALL STATES!!!!! you do know hte under age fine is over 700 dollars and her friends will get in ALOT of trouble like over 1,000 dollar find and jail time if they are over 21 and buy/give her drinks it only takes one drink to kill some one keep that in mind

Answer 8

even if u don't let her go out today she'll probably find a way to sneak out another day....it's better u keep the the boundaries up of course but not so much that makes her risk her safety. Agree with the outing as long as she doesn't drink and comes home at a specific time, but give her a warning if she breaks your trust she'll never go out again for a long time.....u get the rest ;)

Answer 9

Absolutely not. She's underage.

And I'd lay money that "all" is teen-speak for "a few, and they're considered cool for it".

Do you know any of her friends' parents? Can you ask around to determine what really goes on and who's involved? Can you suggest alternative "going out" locations (bowling, cinema etc.), sure they cost money, but drinking's not exactly free.

Answer 10

My dad was so strict with me even now and i'm married with a baby on the way, but i started going to nightclubs when i was 17 and he would sometimes even pick me up or i had to ring him when i got in safe to a friends house i was staying at. He seemed happier that he knew where i was and i respected the fact that he respected me. I didn't get totally off my head on alcohol coz i knew my dad trusted me and i didn't want to break that trust. If you keep enforcing rules on your daughter she will just fight harder to break them, especially when her friends are allowed to do it. She will just end up pushing you away, and i think that's worse than her having a few drinks.

Hope this helps!