how do you avoid lust and desire if married ?

Question

I have a problem at work as I am experiencing intense desire for a co worker who I find very attractive and a great personality - she is aware of it and we have been out to coffee and found we enjoy spending time together - problem is I am married and should not be carrying on like this but find her irresistable - I saw a program on BBC prime about desire and it is one of the most powerful of emotions and can be a positive emotion when in love but can also be very destructive.
It can lead to taking extreme risks - like destroying a marriage of 20 yrs to satisfy a craving for someone new. Has anyone had this problem or am I a vulnerable personality type - obsessive, introverted??
Any ideas please...

Answer 1

Ideas??? Buddy, I doubt you truly want ideas, you've already got plenty. I suspect what you seek is a moron that'll tell you that playing around in a long term marriage is OK, cuz you are afflicted with this overpowering attraction. Married people aren't blind to attractive folks, and being married certainly doesn't stop feeling natural urges. All that prevents married people from behaving badly is THEM. Is your promise to your wife meaningful? Do your marriage vows have an expiration date? Quit trying to justify this crap with those psych 101 term- vulnerable personality, obsessive. Ya want to cheat- cheat. But, at least be man enough to not try to excuse scummy behavior with silly college freshman reasoning. You'll have to look at yourself in the mirror. Will it be OK with you to see a lying, juvenile, scummy cheater every morning when you shave?

Answer 2

Oh sure alot of divorced people can totally relate to your story. Along the way of marriage in every woman and mans life there could come along temptation. And alot of people say oh flirting is harmless and healthy but I do not believe it is all that good because it could easily be stepped up a notch. If you have a good marriage of 20 years,if you are happy with your wife, if you want to keep it that way you have to say no to stepping over the line. What will happen is if you step over the line emotions come into play. If this woman is married or single there is that aspect to deal with. You could fall in love and she may not want to leave her situation. Then there is the other side of the coin. You may find this a fun adventure and the other woman falls for you and of course she will be filled with hope that you will leave your wife for her. And maybe you will say to her gee I didnt want to take this THAT seriously. I mean after all its only Lust and a new flavor I wanted to try. Then you have broken the heart of this woman, put your life at risk for disease, break the other womans heart, and maybe loose your marriage and break the heart of your wife. You could loose your children and life would never be the same. Your children can only see you part time and there will be so much pain. You will have to split up all your assets and you will slide down the financial scale as you will have to pay your wife and your kids and you will have to downsize your life. All because you have a craving. May I suggest you take up a sport and not indulge because it can really be a mountain of trouble and pain for you in the end.

Answer 3

At least you know you are perfectly normal.This is not odd.Just because you love your wife, it does not mean that you can ignore other women.But get this into propotion.By spending time with her you are tempting fate.No matter how hard you try something will give.It human nature.As difficult as it is, you already know how to answer this question yourself.You have already figured it out.It isn't worth risking your marriage, for a woman who could ruin you and your reputation, and then you will be left with a void, and perhaps without a job a home and certianly a wife.?.How can that be filled after you feel you have destroyed your wifes life and your families.This woman will move on when she has finished with you, if she ever gets tired of you.Your wife has stuck with you for twenty years.Respect her still, and cut ties with this woman.Even if it means changing your job.The less you see of her the less temptation there will be.

Answer 4

I just read all your previous questions and have come to the conclusion that you are seriously messed up. People have given you a ton of advice on this issue and you just keep asking the same question. What you want is for someone to validate your feelings and say that it is OK. This way you can feel better about what you are doing. Well it's NOT OK. You have all ready developed an emotional attachment to this other women and (in my opinion) that in and of itself is cheating. How do you think your wife would FEEL if she was able to read the words that you have written here? Here's a hint, she would feel crushed, devastated, betrayed, angry, hurt, confused..... If your not satisfied in your marriage get a divorce and stop treating your wife of 20 years and the mother of your children, like an expendable piece of crap.

Answer 5

Don't do it! We all experience something like this somewhere along the line - whether it is early in a relationship or later in life. The grass is not greener - you are excited about the possibilities and newness of it. ask yourself a question - when was the last time you took your wife on a date (like you used to when courting), or surprised her with a gift - use this lust/ passion you feel to your advantage and start wooing your wife all over again - I was able to resist (just) - what hit home was the possibility of losing what I truly loved for a bit of fun - I started paying a bit more attention to my other half - I have a new man now ;-) - what was I thinking before!!

Answer 6

It seem to me like you have all the answers to your questions.. you are attracted to this woman, and soon it will end in an affair.. If you value your relationship with your wife and appreciate her and she is a good woman, after you have this new thing you only going to feel guilty and miserable and now think is this worth what you have? Step back think things twice before you do things... this woman may seem hot now and she is all that now look a bit further after a while you will end up comparing her to your wife 20 years of marriage? no ones knows you better no ones will love you more than the woman who lay next to you in bed everynite.. don't betray her she is your life mate.. good luck.

Answer 7

You can't avoid lust...everyone want's something they can't really have..just because your co-worker is hot dosent mean you need to forget about your obligation as a husband. What kind of woman would be kicking it with a married man anyway?..

What if your wife was the one chilling with a co-worker of hers. How would you feel? Remember you don't know everything about this woman,she probaly has skeletons in her closet. You can't turn a who*e into a housewife.

My advice is get your mind right, think about what's more important..You might have sex with her and it's not even good.think about the downside of cheating.Divorce,Alimony, Child support, Broken Family..I can go on and on..

BTW...I'm a victim of a cheating Husband...Trust me, He's paying literally all his pay check to me and It feels Good!.The only place he can take his Mistress is to McDonalds for the 99cents menu. He can't take her out for Coffee like you do. He has to make it at home in his apartment..

Answer 8

There's no doubt that such emotions are strong and it's good that you're aware of them, but you can't shy away from responsibility by saying that it was the emotions which made you do it. If you have an affair, that is your decision, not forces outside of your control. You have the choice about how to act as a result of your emotions.

Answer 9

Its perfectly natural. Working with people closely often leads to feelings of attraction that would not exist if you met them in another social situation.

Stop fighting it, accept the feelings, they will pass, avoid dangerous situations like going for coffee alone that will only increase your temptation to do something you'll regret etc and then go home and shag the life out of your wife.

Answer 10

Stop it now before you ruin lives. You can lust after your wife if you put your mind to it, if you dont want to be with her then do the decent thing and leave, dont have an affair with some trollop at work who should know better than going after a married man!