Help with Impossible parents?

Question

My best friend is always under loads and loads of pressure by her parents. She's vietnamese and her parents were brought up in very very strict households in Vietnam. They expect the very very very very best of her in absolutely everything she does. They never listen to her and even though it's the holidays she isn't allowed to go anywhere outside her house like shopping or movies or even to a friend's house. Her parents are forcing her to study school material for next year... she can't do anything about it. They won't let her on msn and she isn't allowed to call anyone from her homephone (but thank god she can use her mobile in secret). There's no point in her arguing or anything because it never leads anywhere. She's really upset and I want to help her stand up to her parents and let them know she had enough of their crap. I suggested she runaway but she's worried bout police. I really want to talk to her in person somewhere b4 skool in a few days. How do I get her out of the house?

Answer 1

The parents are trying to raise their kid in their own traditional way, in which,perhaps, they were brought up.High expectations from a child is quite natural for loving parents and it is a way of encouraging the child. Till the time your friend is fully grown up and independent, she should,for her own benefit, follow the teachings of the parents meticulously. Use of home phone/msn/cinema/shopping are short lived amenities and carry no weight in the long run.

Answer 2

When I saw "Help with Impossible parents", I was hit by a wave of cynicism, like oh yeah really impossible, i'm sure. But then I read about this situation.

They certainly seem set in their ways and quite unyielding. First of all, suggesting that she run away is pretty dumb and could put her at great risk (assuming, from her worries about police, that she is underage). What you are dealing with here is a cultural issue, and that is hard to overcome. There may be no solution, and as tough as it is on you, you certainly must realize how much tougher it is on her, living within two separate cultures. Bringing it to her parents is not going to work.

Certainly, if things do improve for her, it won't happen overnight or even over the course of a few months. Perhaps you could offer to come over to her place and do homework or studying together. Take some time to do some research and learn more about their culture, because it might help you to approach them in a more knowledgeable and convincing way.

I have no idea how you can get her out of the house to talk before school. It sounds like she is pretty tightly controlled at the moment. I don't know her age, so I can't be more specific. Perhaps it would help her to talk to a school counselor about the situation. Again, sorry to say it but there might not be a solution, and it might be best for you just to be her friend and to be there for her when you can, and not try to interject yourself into her family's situation.

Maybe not a lot of help. But... forget about the running away ideas!