Am I a bad person?

Question

When my husband and I argue he always makes me feel like its my fault. I know its not but I take the high road and apologize and make up. I do this because he will apologize after going on a tirade about how I am always doing this to him and blah blah blah. We have a very good relationship when we arent arguing. We talk about everything and laugh together and just have fun together. Well last night his phone was cutting out and I couldn't understand him. I told him that too. Like "hey I can't understand you your phone is cutting out" Well when reception got better he started talking again and I was a little lost on the conversation. I told him this and he was so frustrated and pissed about having to repeat himself for the 3rd time he lost it. He started yelling and cussing and we got into a fight. I was trying to stand up for myself and everything escelated. Now he's pissed because he expects me to apologize. And I did for hanging up on him and then saying the phone cut off.

Childish I know. I just was tired of hearing him rant. Now I just want him to apologize for getting pissed at me for something I had no control over. He wont do it. Should I take the high road or should I stand firm?

Ok I called him and we just got off the phone. I told him calmly how I felt and apologized again about hanging up on him. I told him I thought we needed to find each other again and get to know one another all over again. I asked him to tell me how he honestly felt and it was like a dam breaking open. We communicated better than we have in a long time and I learned a few things and believe he did too. I dont beleive its about having a backbone. Its about turning the other cheek. He told me he respected me for calling back because he couldn't have done it. He also said he appreciated it because I took a step to not patch the problem but to get to the root. ( if your wondering why we call each other when we are married. He works on the road and is gone for 4-6 wks at a time with his job)

Answer 1

You should cut him a slack. Anyone would get frustrated over having to repeat something ten times. Of course, it's not your fault. It is no one's fault. But you screwed up by hanging up on him and later lying about that. Don't you feel guilty?

In this case, you should definitely be first to apologize. In other cases, stop doing it first. I know you might feel bad for fighting and sometimes you might get over sooner than he does but sometimes wait until he does it first because it should be a balance, unless you are the person who always causes the fight (I personally cause more fights than my fiance but I don't like to admit that)

And to answer your question, no, you are not a bad person. You sound like me, your husband sounds like my fiance and your fights reminded me of our fights. During those fights, I usually think that it is his fault and always want him to apologize first (or I do anything to make him apologize first) and sometimes that is not fair. Sometimes one should step aside and think about the situation without having emotions taking over.

To answer Mulga's comment, when I similarly leave questions here, I want to hear more opinions of other sex. I don't need self-assurance that I was right. I would rather know when I was wrong than I was right.

Answer 2

You are not a bad person - to my knowledge!

It takes someone to begin the make up. I can see you are tired of always being that person.

Was the phone cutting out the real issue? Maybe he had a bad day or something...?

Still, solutions can come thick and fast for you here but you are better discussing the problem with your hubby in an honest, old fashioned chat. Get to the root of the issue rather than the surface fights.

Answer 3

Nope. Don't consider he's going to burn in hell. My household believed in that form of pondering, that the tiniest, such a lot atomic degree of sin used to be going to position you to Hell, that you simply DESERVED it...and that is after they were not preaching Predestination. I used to be a Lutheran, now I'm a polytheist as a result of their negativity, amongst different matters. We are all humans. We aren't superhuman, nor deities. We are going to make errors, usually accidentally, and unfortunately, usually deliberately. If God did make us the best way a few people say he did, then he absolutely made us to be fallacious and is not going to make us burn for small errors like consuming alcohol or consuming the improper factor. The tremendous guy's obtained greater matters to fear approximately than what a character eats, beverages, wears, or does within the bed room.

Answer 4

Because you always give in, he is waiting for it again. You've changed the rules on him. He probably doesn't know how to handle the situation. You are not wrong but should have made a stand a lot sooner. The way he acts is a little off beat but he has gotten away with it for so long that it has become his norm.

Answer 5

No, you are not a bad person. You have already apologise for hanging up on him.....that is the only thing u need to apologise on.

Your husband has already developed what we called "male chauvinist pig".....u always apologise, and he expects it again this time. A chauvnist never admits mistakes.

Stand firm this time and ignore him until he stops blaming you. Do not need to argue with him. If he refuses to talk to u, just tell him calmly that u hv NO control over line reception and tell him u will apologise to him a 100x if he can demonstrate to you that he CAN control line reception.

Answer 6

Can't you walk up to him and smile and say "Let's be friends again. Next time this happens we both yell at the CEO of the phone company, okay?"

Answer 7

It takes two to argue, and one person is not always the one at fault. Your husband needs to learn compromise and fighting fair. You can't resolve any issues in the marriage if you always end up defending yourself instead of discussing the facts.

Answer 8

To be honest, I would just as calm as I could look at him and say you know what honey, I am tired....mentally and physically with arguing. Don't let him see it bothering you. Just act like it is out of your hands and what ever he wants, then fine. Humor him and act like you are giving him his way. A nice form of sarcasm so to speak.

Answer 9

OK NOW LETS THINK ABOUT THIS. SOUNDS LIKE TO ME YOU HAVE A HOT HEAD FOR A BOYFRIEND. YOU NEED TO GET A BACKBONE GIRL. LISTEN YOU CAN'T LET HIM TALK OVER YOU. YOU ARE THE WOMEN OF HIS LIFE THERE IS NO REASON HE SHOULD NOT UNDERSTAND THE PHONE SITUATION. SOUNDS TO ME THAT YOU ARE DOOMED. I SAY THIS B/C MEN WILL RUN OVER YOU IF YOU LET THEM. NO I AM NOT TRYING TO BE A KNOW IT ALL BUT I WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION WITH MY BOYFRIEND. HE USED TO SAY WHATEVER HE WANTED AND I USE TO APOLOGIZE UNTIL I HAD THE LAST STRAW AND HAD TO STOP APOLOGIZING AND START TO THINK LIKE MO WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING. YOU START TO FIND YOURSELF APOLOGIZING OVER DUMB THINGS LIKE WHEN YOU BUMP IN TO HIM OR SOMETHING. GET A BACKBONE. NOW IF I WAS IN YOUR SHOES I WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM LOOK MY CONNECTION WAS BAD AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN TIS TIS THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL. I RECOMMEND YOU START PUTTING YOUR FOOT DOWN, IF YOU NEED ANYMORE ADVICE LET ME KNOW I THINK I COULD REALLY HELP YOU, IT SOUNDS LIKE WHEN I WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION. KEEP YA HEAD UP GIRL!

Answer 10

There is no need to tolerate disprespect but be sure you aren't the one showing it first. All abuse is a lack of pure love. Plug in to the one source of true love, the Heavenly Father, and that will cure the problem.