I am a south asian raised in america who has been married for 2 years. I had good schooling and have good job (as does husband). For the first year of my marriage, my husband and I lived abroad. Now I am back in the U.S. and living with his family. This is common in my culture, but not in America. His mother is a little older and while mobile, needs help around the house, which I provide. But my husband thinks i don't do enough. (I clean the house, cook a twice a week, do dishes, and try to keep house clean. I also do all my hubby/my laundry and ironing, and deal with all our bills.) I work 40 hours a week, and commute 2 hrs/day. My husband works about 70 to 80/ week and rarely helps me. His father, and siblings never help.
I am sick of doing everything and listening to him say i need to do more. I have told him I want my own house. He says he won't leave his parents. I love him. I know he loves me--in all other ways he treats me well--never yells, is caring, loving, etc.what do i do?
2007-10-01 19:24:23 · 7 answers · asked by Firefly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i think it is unfair for your husband to be asking you to take care of his family on top of your own work hours...you are already doing so much and yet he expects you to do more....you are his wife and not his family's nanny....besides when you two got married, he should be prioritizing you over his family....his siblings, should be helping in taking care of his mother....
i think you should have another talk with your husband and tell him that you are getting tired of this kind of lifestyle...tell him, that you should be managing your own lives...if he really loves you he should support you on this...after all you are his wife...if he doesn't maybe you should find a place of your own...it can serve as a wake-up call for him...
2007-10-01 19:45:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If living with the parents wasn't part of the agreement when you married I would be giving hubby a deadline for moving--with or without me. If you are working 40 hours a week you are making enough money to support yourself. If you didn't have all the other chores to do that aren't really your responsibility you would actually be able to get another part time job. If you move out and hubby stays behind then you know you are better off without a "mama's boy". I bet he makes the move though. You just have to stand up for yourself.
2007-10-01 19:31:41 · answer #2 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him if he wants a wife or does he want a mother?
it looks like you've become a mother to his family. its a shame you didn't discuss this together before you got married.
ask him, what's in it for me to live like this? make him answer that question, its not a statement.
tell him you are very unhappy and wont tolerate it anymore, and what is he going to do to change that? put the ball back in his court.
sorry but i do not like the sound of him at all. i realise he works long hours too, but perhaps if you both have high paying jobs you could chip in for a cleaning lady (who prepares dinner).
what do the other siblings in the house do? nothing? make a point of that. make a comparison and remind him its not your home. for you two to be happy together as a couple (not children) you need your own place.
good luck!!
2007-10-01 19:33:28 · answer #3 · answered by sass24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sounds like he hears you, but he isn't listening...there's a difference. I would explain things to him in detail and let him know the stress it is putting on the relationship. If he doesn't try to meet you half way (marriage is about compromise), then you may have to look into taking further measures.
2007-10-01 19:31:18 · answer #4 · answered by Fireanddesir 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is tough. Do whatever is in your heart. I know I would not look down on someone who left her husband from being in this position. But my advice would be express to him how you feel and see if he really wants to help and make you feel better about this situation. I'm sure it is not easy on him either, so make sure he knows that you know that. Good luck to you.
2007-10-01 19:33:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're kidding, right? If you have a good job, get an apartment for yourself as soon as you're able. When he's finished breast feeding, he'll be knocking on your door.
2007-10-01 19:33:09 · answer #6 · answered by ppsutt 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave that loser and find a real man who will love you sounds like he thinks you are no more than a slave to him and his family you can do better my honest opion?
2007-10-01 19:44:31 · answer #7 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋