What are the things to look for in a good wife?

Question

Hello everyone,

I want to ask you, what are the things to look for in a wife before getting married? I am 18 years old right now and before I travel abroad for university my parents want me to get engaged and hopefully get married after I finish my studies and they already have a girl in mind for me. Even though I am not really objecting the idea I kinda feel I am rushing into this especially since I don't have a better idea of the concept of marriage. The girl they told me about is really great and there is nothing wrong with her and I completely trust their choice but I want to know what are the true qualities to look for in a wife before getting married? What are the essential components for a successful marriage? If any of you are married you probably have enough experience to tell me. Is it okay for me to feel a little jumpy about going through this too quickly?

Thank You.

Answer 1

Very bad idea to get engaged or married at 18. Date until you are at least 22. Then if you find someone you think you want to marry get engaged. Stay engaged for at least 4 years before marriage. It's the only way to really get to know someone.

I got married when I was 31. We lived together for 5 years, then we married. So now we have been living together for 16 years, married for 11 years, had our first child 6 years ago. In hindsight I likely would have chosen my wife differently then I did. I am fortunate in that it has worked out for me so far.

However, here are things I would look for in a potential wife if I could do it all over again.

1. Look at her family health. Look at all aspects of the family health including longevity, disease, and even mental issues. Remember, these genes will be passed to your children. Of course, I am not saying if they have cancer in their family or high blood pressure that you should not marry, I am just saying you at least want to know about it before you get married so you can have that information ahead of time.

2. consider her religious beliefs and yours. If you are religious and she is not that is a big red flag. Same if it's the other way around. When in love the man and woman usually say "it's ok he/she does not go to church" but after marriage it changes very quickly.

3. How many kids do you think you want. If you want a big family and wife does not that will cause big problems. Once again, if one of you is compromising on this out of love for the other, that is noble, but likely won't last.

4. What are your long term life goals. If your spouse want to live in Italy some day and you want to stay near your home that too will come to be a problem eventually.

Main thing is to really think down the road. If you like what you see down the road then you have a much better chance of success with your marriage.

Answer 2

Maybe a building as big as the Louvre will house the books that have been written on the subject. Yes, it is all right to feel jumpy about this, because you are going to an unknown -- you don't have a better concept of marriage, as you said. I urge you to observe marriages in your clan and those around you, talk to couples about their experiences, and start reading up on books about marriage-- so that you learn from those who have come before you. I started reading on marriage only when I was married, so I was like you are now. Research and read up now....even before you go to university. There may be cultural differences in how a "successful marriage" is defined, but I understand there are also cross cultural similarities. Because problems and conflicts are inevitable in a relationship that tries to blend and grow two people who are different in countless unending ways, the attitude and aptitude to express love and commitment, and to resolve conflicts and work together toward common solutions are important for both the man and the woman. Your own love-expression, conflict resolution and solution-management skills will be very important; you need to be the right man for the woman you decide to build a family with. Since you are going to university, when you take up courses on communications, human resource development, gender, business and finance, the sciences --- think of them as part of your preparation to be the right man for your marriage. Marriage is a microcosm of an organization with all the relationship and organizational management concerns that have to be given priority attention by its leader (you!). So, find a woman who wants to be the right woman for the marriage that you will lead, hopefully, in all the wisdom and understanding you have and will continually gain.

Answer 3

i can see a very deep custom going on here... but i'll voice just my own opinion. please forgive me if i step out of line.

try to absolutely honestly and openly answer yourself what do *you* see/feel the marriage is for. what can you give another single human being (leave alone husband/wife thing for a moment)? why would another person want/need to be married to you (abstract from the "prospect" person for now)? please do not read any underlying "hints" in this sentence - i am sure you are an absolutely great young *single* man. then think what would you like to receive from another person in marriage. yes, in that order, please. that should help you to form your own initial concept. look into marriages you see around, especially the ones that you feel are good. but when doing that, please remember that everybody keeps "their own skeletons in the closet". try to look in depth, try to analyze what you see. that should help you to refine your initial model. then dive into the meanings of "forever" and "never". you'll discover very interesting things... then throw-in the thought that as we age everything changes, so what you find important now (and just barely figured-out :) might not be so 20 years down the road, 30 for sure. yes, nobody can predict *where* one will be, but a simple realization that we'll be different would be great already. i think these questions should help you to see if you're rushing it... and...
the qualities of a good wife aren't "given" to a bride, they are being grown once she learns how to be a good wife. together with her husband. same is applicable to a qualities of a good husband. everybody is unique. we aren't born knowing how to relate to each other, we learn as we go and making mistakes on the way... there is nothing bad about it :) it's simply a reality.

and a final word of advice - marriage is not love and not "happily ever after" - it's an endless responsibility which can turn into unbearable burden or pretty much enjoyable experience if you'll figure-out how to carry this responsibility without too much hurt for each other. my words might sound very gloomy, but life isn't a rosy road for the most human beings - the hurt will be there. at the very least we all experience ups and downs, even if we don't know why.

from all my heart i wish a good marriage (whatever you'll define as one and whenever it will happen) will be possible for you.

Answer 4

Build trust, good two-ways communications, even if you both do not agreed. The basic foundation is to compromises each other until both agreed on things, that's can help build better trust. See how she can function on her own without your help, in this case if you die first you know she can be independent enough without you. Never married any women who spends to much time with her mom, her mom can either be against you or take things in the wrong way about you. Always be sure to be yourself with her to allow her to get to know who you really are.

Answer 5

Integrity

Answer 6

Good looks, money, good heart, likes to cook, likes to clean the house & do laundry, let you go out with your friends, and that she does not like messing around. Hard to find, but would be an ideal woman to be married to. Good luck.

Answer 7

Your parents are doing for you according to their responsibility.Really , it is their job,which they are fulfilling.You are unable to handle this very task.If you are keen to inter-fair in the planing of your parents in this regard, you will HARM your FUTURE.Ask and allow your parents to choose for you a girl and do expect that SHE will, certainly,be good and useful,your parents and your entire family, in all respects.Feel free to contact me any time you want.

Answer 8

You might also think about whether you'll make a good husband.

Answer 9

A decent rack, nice spatulas...

For you dirty minded people, I mean a good drying rack for all my dishes and some spatulas to flip my eggs...BREAKFAST eggs. Gosh you're sick!

Answer 10

A wardrobe of nice burkas.