I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. We are both 21 years old and many of my friends tell me that I should at least be engaged by now. Do you think thats selfish of me to want a ring and a commitment by now?
2007-10-01 16:40:36 · 24 answers · asked by rachelly22 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have asked him about it and he says that he doesnt want to marry me until we get out of college so what would be the point of giving me a ring. Does that make sense?
2007-10-01 16:49:43 · update #1
Are you sure he doesn't see you more as a best Friend a
f u c k buddy. You have kinda grown up together so if i were you i would definitely ask him that question.
2007-10-01 17:00:45 · answer #1 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you were older by at least 5 years, you might have something to be concerned about, but you are only 21. Even though you think you know what you want, you might not. You could easily feel differently in the next few years. You didn't say how much longer before you are out of school, but I'm assuming you have a couple of years to go. Get out of college and then decide.
If he still has commitment issues, then tell him what YOU want and if he is not in agreement, you may just have to move on instead of waiting around on someone that does not want to commit.
2007-10-01 17:00:15 · answer #2 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was 29 when I met my husband and we were going on almost two years together and I told him that if me and him were not engaged by a certain time, it was time for me to move on. I made it clear to him when I first met him that I wanted to have a family and be married and If he didn't want that then he had to let me go. I thought I was being selfish about it too, however I work with a lot of therapist and talk to a lot of older women and I found out they themselves put a time line down for there boyfriends to propose to them. Im not a young chick any more
The bottom line is this. You need to talk to your boyfriend and see what he wants in the future for you and him. There is no reason why you shouldn't ask him. Sometimes what you want is not what he wants and its important to make sure you and him are on the same page, but if you are happy in your situation and don't want to get married, then don't say nothing at all. Why break what you already have.
2007-10-01 16:56:21 · answer #3 · answered by Maya 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I understand that you've been together for 5 years and congratulations to both of you, but 21 many times is too young. Even if you both are mature, do you have a plan? Have you both graduated from college? If not, do you have a trade? Some type of skill to compete in the market? Are you still supported by your parents? Are you really ready to say that you want to dpend the rest of your life with this man?
If you answered no to any of these questions, please rethink your rush to marry. Marriage takes commitment, and I hope the best for the both of you.
Blessings
2007-10-01 17:07:24 · answer #4 · answered by florita 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He said he doesn't want to marry you until you are out of college- implying that he wants to be with you. If you don't think he is messing around he probably just wants to wait till you guys "grow up."
Additionally- do you guys know how much a ring costs?? If he got you a ring as a college student paying for books tuition fees and room and board it would probably be a piece of junk that would turn your finger colors(not that the ring is everything.)
Let him get a job and feel like a man proposing to a woman with a proper ring with the ability to follow through on a wedding and marriage instead of being forced to commit too early when you guys aren't able to really be a married couple.
2007-10-01 16:55:00 · answer #5 · answered by Cait 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I think your boyfriends smart to wait till you’re done with school. When he is ready he’ll ask you. You wouldn’t want him to ask you before he was ready. As you said your both 21 your young. I know a couple who got engaged after 9 years of dating, they didn’t rush into anything and they are today still married and have 3 adorable little boys.
There is really no exact amount of time that couple has to be together to get an engagement ring its just when both are truly ready for it. For some it’s a short time frame for others its longer.
2007-10-01 17:17:43 · answer #6 · answered by Spread Peace and Love 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No I don't think its right to want a ring right now. I mean if you guys haven't even talked about marriage from the get go, or in the last few months then why just come out of left field with demanding a ring? I think if you keep listening to your friends that way, they are going to end up helping you push this guy away. I know its not the thing that you want to do at all, so I say if you genuwinely want a ring now for yourself and not because of what your friends are telling you, then I say get to talking about it with him. And I don't mean talk about it in that abstract way of saying "some day I want kids, and maybe their names will be this, and maybe I want to get married". No see that doesn't work with guys they don't take hints. You need to say something like "I have been thinking hon, that we have been together for 5 years now, and I have been contemplating if our relationship is moving towards a more commited future together, or even saying I have been thinking about marriage alot lately and just realized I never asked how you felt about it and what time frame you saw yourself getting married." See you have to talk directly like that. You just can't let your friends guide you based off how long you have been together. And on a more personal note you have to realize too that you both are still very young so he might not even be thinking about marriage at all as he is just 21 and doesn't want to rush such a big commitment. So you have to be able to face and accept whatever honest answer he gives you. You can't be mad if he says he doesn't want to marry you, he has that right and choice. You just have to then determine for yourself if you wish to remain with him or not. So use your head and heart, and very seldom listen to your friends in this regard. Just because they want to get married or already are, doesn't mean everyone has to be.
2007-10-01 16:53:50 · answer #7 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie ,
I am going to tell something in this world don't have to have a ring . at first place you better enjoy Ur life and travel before this could pop Ur life in the last minute hook up because think first the money and Ur chance to travel and pay off Ur car and enjoy Ur life like what i did i got married by court without the ring the most important is the marriage Cerf. the ring can be later if there is money then talk to him don't be afraid to ask. talk each other. that is the best way hey I'm going to be 18 years of marriage, i got married at 25. so good luck and bless u..
2007-10-01 17:12:10 · answer #8 · answered by Maria R 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No I dont think you are being selfish but I do think you should understand that you are young and 21 is still early to start a relationship that extreme. I think you should wait till he is ready to ask you and that he doesnt ask you just because you are pressuring him to. But you need to have a conversation with him to make sure that he does plan on being with you for the long term so that you are not wasting your time.
2007-10-01 17:05:09 · answer #9 · answered by <Carol> 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not selfish at all. You have only one life to live and you better make sure you get what you want out of this life. Stop waiting around. Lay all your cards on the table with this guy. After 5 years, you should be able to do that. Ask him outright, what his views are about marriage. Then you'll know. If he's not ready yet, then start dating girl.
2007-10-01 18:28:23 · answer #10 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not selfish, it's just what you want.
If you're ready and the bf is not, you're going to have to make a tough decision.
Keep the boyfriend and not get engaged, or break up and move on.
But does he know you feel this way?
2007-10-01 16:56:41 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋