My husband never talks about anything meaningful. I never know what's going on in his head. We talk about stuff but nothing deep. We've been married for 14 years and I don't feel connected to him. I've talked to him about this and I usually just get silence in return. He tells me that he loves me and he thinks that's enough but I want more. What should I do to get him to open up?
2007-10-01 15:47:08 · 18 answers · asked by Eme 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
After 14 years he didn't open up, how good your chances you think are to make him change now. You have to live with that. Or you don't, it is your call.
2007-10-01 15:55:28 · answer #1 · answered by elgil 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same here. We've been married 13yrs.
I personally think it's his personality. I can't say I've given up but I'm used to it. Sad isn't it?
Men a different then women I guess and don't talk much. I really don't have any advise just wanted to let you know I know just what you are talking about.
I was thinking though it might seem corny but try a board game. We have some family board games that we've played together with our kids and that usually gets us all talking.
Our favorite can be found here:
http://store.cranium.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=1_8&products_id=354
Honestly the most I get out of my husband at times is this:
Me: How has work been today?
Him: Good
Me: Did you sleep well? You tossed a lot last night.
Him: Yes
Me: What do you want for supper?
Him: I don't know
lol We say that every morning when I call him to say good morning. lol
2007-10-01 23:00:05 · answer #2 · answered by Faith 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its time for a little one on one time. Plan a romantic evening or do something that the both of you used to do, when you first met. Tell him about what attracted you to him years ago and let him know that things have not changed, but you have noticed that he seems preoccupied when it comes to talking. Remember, this is suppose to be a romantic night, so don't push too hard, just bring it to his attention. You will however touch base with him again later and ask him what he thought about what you had said to him. I think relighting the ole flame is a must for all of us, keeping it lit is the hard part. It takes two to tango, so don't give up so easily. Fourteen years is too much to give up so quickly! I hope all works out for you..
Tanman
2007-10-01 23:15:17 · answer #3 · answered by TM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and get more women friends for chatting. A lot of guys are like that, not talking much. If it's about serious, relationship stuff though, he needs to be able to talk about it. Is he a good provider? Does he do things for you? Some people express their love louder through their actions. The times my hubby won't talk to me is during a rugby world cup game. And when he's asleep.
2007-10-01 23:02:03 · answer #4 · answered by Linni 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar problem. . .was married for 22 years. Somewhere during that time, we got to that point. We were what people call opposites. I told him I needed to intellectually connect. . .that the intellectual connection helped maintain and feed the emotional and physical attraction. He wasn't interested. We're divorced now. I suggest you tell your husband what you need. . .it's not unreasonable. If he doesn't want to give it to you, ask him how he suggests you get it and why isn't he interested in giving you something you need if he loves you.
Good luck to you!
p.s. My current partner is SO like me in every way, same interests, same politics, emotionally and physically compatible - we know each other better than we know ourselves. . . it's absolutely AWESOME. Been together 3 years now and every day is like a new adventure. The point in telling you this is. . .it's possible to get what you need.
2007-10-01 22:58:11 · answer #5 · answered by Share 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My partner of 5 years is the same - he'll talk about kids or work but not anything personal and even that is hard to get out of him. I dont know but I do know that getting frustrated about it makes it worse and makes them withdraw more. Open ended questions without expectation or judgement I have been told works but not for my fella. Good luck.
2007-10-01 23:01:14 · answer #6 · answered by bongojd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey welcome to real marriage. We will be married 17 years next month. You get to a point where you have a dry spell and have nothing to talk about. it's normal. Men do not need the affirmation they are loved. They know we do and that's good enough for them. They don't understand why we have to hear it, see it, and touch it. We are more emotional and need them to back it up for us.
Try setting a date night-get a sitter if one is needed. Set a time, place and day. I have to do that. If I set it up, he will gladly be there for a night out. If you want to stay in for romance-build a fire and have dinner by firelight. Be creative. Sometimes we just need to re-light the flame.
2007-10-01 22:56:18 · answer #7 · answered by Stefbear 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have no idea what you should do, if you ever find out let me know. All I get from my hubby is that he's a guy and they don't have deep thoughts. I've even told him to lie to me if he has to, just make it seem real. I don't know what to do either. i try telling him that people divoirce over this sort of thing, but still nothing.
2007-10-01 22:52:16 · answer #8 · answered by j_ace84 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sister in law went through this with my brother. My brother would not open up for NOTHING!!!! She finally talked him into going to family counseling and the counselor helped him understand what his wife was asking for.... Luckily, they found a good counselor and he agreed to go.
2007-10-01 23:02:19 · answer #9 · answered by LyndasCa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All that is left sweety, is to tell him that it is vitally important to you and the future of your marriage and if he doesn't make the change or at least seek weekly counselling for it, you will leave. A break would probably jolt him into action.
2007-10-01 22:53:01 · answer #10 · answered by Renesme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋