My gf of 10 months does not ever want to get married. the thing is we have a 2 and a half month old son. yeah, i didnt waste time, i know. I beleive in marriage and that it represents something special between two peopl who truly love each other, she thinks its a joke due to the high divorce rate. she says if we ever got married it would be to set a good example for our son. i respond that i would never marry her if that were her only reason. what should i do?
2007-10-01 14:28:13 · 12 answers · asked by Sparticus 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The decision rests on both of you wanting to be married. She may feel that being married is a way to "trap" her from living her life. Unless there is a pressing legal or financial reason to marry, you should pressure your girl into marriage, it will only lead to a distruction of your relationship.
2007-10-01 14:43:49 · answer #1 · answered by Boydness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend doesn't understand the very basis of what a structured family is about. Staying unmarried with a child makes your son no one. In the long run, he will suffer from her naivety and her stupidty. She only gets one chance to give her son a real family and she has some silly notion of marriage and divorce issues that will keep him from having one. A good marriage is based on many things, respect, good communication, common goals, and a desire to be together and take care of each other. If she is too insecure to be able to offer that up, then you need to move on and find the right woman who holds those ideals. This doesn't mean you leave your son but she has already set it up that you will by not choosing to marry you and your son and make a family. I would have chosen not to create a family with such a woman from the get go.
2007-10-01 21:44:46 · answer #2 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously she comes from a bad family situation which has caused her to believe that marriage cannot work. I don't think she is a lost cause. I just think she has been really hurt. Does she know what a real marriage based on love and trust looks like? Perhaps she is really scared.
You both may need to go to some therapy. I don't think you will be the one to change her. Something has to change in her first. But if you are loving, patient, and kind, I would hope that she would see the potential. And I hope she does not pass her believes onto your son.
2007-10-01 21:40:52 · answer #3 · answered by allforone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she's trying to bluff to see how you'll react. Defense mechanism; pushes you away, feels that she's "above marriage", causing you to pine for her. If she's worth persuing and being with FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, then go for it. If your relationship is volatile or really topsy turvy, you may be better off not marrying. I'm married to Mr. Right, but even the best relationship will have major trials (e.g., our son had seizures for four years, 100 seizures per day). If you feel like your relationship could withstand a major crisis, then maybe it's worth persuing marriage....
2007-10-01 21:37:24 · answer #4 · answered by Monica Sardonica 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a traditional old fart. Try the classic. Take her out to a nice restaurant. After a good dinner, perhaps with a good wine, get down on one knee, and offer her an engagement ring as you ask her to make you the happiest man on earth by allowing you to be her husband forever. If that doesn't do it, I doubt she'll ever marry you. Good luck. BUT, don't ask unless you truly mean FOREVER.
2007-10-01 22:00:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't enter into a marriage simply because you have a child together. You two need to have mutual feelings toward one another . . . and right now it doesn't seem that you do. It will be a shame that your child may not have a traditional family, but don't make things worse by trying to force something that's not meant to be.
2007-10-01 21:35:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to be married to be in a solid relationship.
I myself have been with my man for 13yrs and 3 kids later and although the fairy tale wedding would be good, to us it is a lot of money for a piece of paper.
We have the same relationship if not better then most married couples.
I love my partner with all my heart and soul, and as long as his the one beside me, i dont care if i dont share the same name as him.
Maybe have a long engagement she may come around...its that if you truly want to be with her, then maybe you just need to take her as you have her!
Better then not at all!
2007-10-01 21:37:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are ready to get married and she is not. You have two options, you can wait until she is ready (if ever) OR you can end it and find someone that has your same goal, to be married. Good Luck!
2007-10-01 21:53:30 · answer #8 · answered by Dance 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry her. She's not in love with you. She doing the responsible thing for the baby and her "needs" right now. You are not what she "wants" though. So be careful.
2007-10-01 21:40:21 · answer #9 · answered by JG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait for love on more than a one way street. Marriage is about commitment and LOVE .. two way street..
2007-10-01 21:31:50 · answer #10 · answered by elephant girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋