I have this friend who I've been going to college with now for almost a year now and she is 45 and I'm a lot younger then her (22) and I knew her husband was violent and he hits on her ... She didnt show up too school today because of this very reason.. I'm soo concernd for her I even called the domestic hotline to get some help and advice for her.. they told me too let her know that there is help out here for her and to talk too her, and not let the guy know that she has been telling me things about them. I need some more advice on how I can help her. He alreadu got kicked out the house but I just want her to leave him for good.
2007-10-01 14:24:19 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This makes me soo mad
2007-10-01 14:25:31 · update #1
I am sorry to say this, but the only person who can do something about it is your friend. and that is to call the police and tell them how he hits her and this domestic abuse.
It is sad thing and it sometimes takes years and years of abuse and life threatening situations for the woman to react..
I have a friend too, she endured nearly 15 years of marriage and all kinds of abuse from the a..hole she was married to, who was an alcoholic. Finaly things escalated so much that he even endangered her kids, and that made her finaly react. Now the guy is a recovering alcoholic and does not hit her anymore.
I am sorry you see this from nearby and you care about your friend, but unless SHE does something substantial and fundamental about her life.... you can't mix yourself into it.
it takes an abuser and an abused for this nightmare situation.
good luck
2007-10-01 14:35:29 · answer #1 · answered by GreenEyes 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
LOL, he's an insecure attention whore. Sorry, not laughing at you but at the rhyme I made. I think you need to go out without him sometimes to get some of your "shine" back. And you also need to stop catering to him. Be honest with him. If he doesn't like it he can find attention elsewhere as that kind of person is just exhausting. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership where each person wants the other person to be happy and will make sacrifices, within reason, for that to occur. What sacrifices is he making? I was with a guy like that except he was worse in that it turned out he was a lying sack of **** too. Everywhere we went he had to command all the attention. At first it was cool because he was friendly and outgoing. Then it got to be like, HELLO, I'm sitting here across from you!!! So yeah, he needs to straighten up and fly right or just fly away. Good luck to you, honestly, I know how annoying that is.
2016-04-06 23:31:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may make you angry but you cannot do anything more than support her if you want to keep her safe. She has to be the one who makes the decision to move herself into a shelter and remove herself from her situation. It is not your life no matter how much you care about her. You could easily do something by interfering that could be detrimental to her. Support here, advise her but do nothing more. It is her life and her's to decide on whether she does what you consider the right thing for her or not. Should she leave? Yes. Will she? Maybe not. It's a very difficult and sensitive situation.
2007-10-01 14:33:14 · answer #3 · answered by dawnb 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She needs counseling. She has to be the one to decide to get it. All you can do is encourage her. She should have him arrested. He needs to face the courts and be sentenced to domestic violence anger management classes. If you witness him hitting her, you should call the authorities. She may not want to press charges on him, but if you see it happen you can testify against him.
If she leaves him, she should not tell him where she is. She should go far from him.
Tell her about my friends. He abused her, broke her nose, ribs, blacked eyes over a long period of time. He finally shot her in the face with a 357 magnum and then killed himself. Their children had to grow up with out them. They never saw their children as adults nor will they ever see their grandchildren. I will never see my friends again it has been 30 years ago this coming year.
It can also come down to her killing him. She won't want to live with that the rest of her life.
I hope she gets away from him.
2007-10-01 14:37:22 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to help her, offer to go with her to one of those places or even to the police. She needs to get a restraining order against him asap. He needs to be stop, other wise he'll find another victim down the road. There are many places where she can get help. It is amazing that he had to kick her out of the house, it should of been her who walked out of that relationship a long time ago. I am going to gather some links and put them bellow, so you can let her know. God bless you for helping her, you are a good girl.
2007-10-01 15:31:46 · answer #5 · answered by Ricardo R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, let me put this to you delicately because it obviously aint getting through. Your friend the 45 year old?....she doesnt want your help, if she did she would take it at the first chance. the question you have to ask is simple, "why doesnt she want my help?" the answer may shock you. She may not be intelligent enough to let you help her, or she may simply like the situation she's in, why can I surmise that?......because you just explained very clearly that she's in that situation right now...so, what is your obligation?......you are only as obligated as you want to be or can be but you may have a legal obligation to your state to report the abuse, Like in Texas, if you see abuse or if you see someone suffering who doesnt know they dont have to?......you have to report it. Now if you're in Oregon, and you see a person dying and they wont go to the hospital and you feel they cannot make a rational decision?.......you are sort of obligated to let them die bec ause if you turn them in, they'll just get pissed off if they find out....My best Idea on this matter is as follows: never defend a person who can defend themselves unless they can no longer defend themselves due to being out of sorts in the mind! ( because you rob them of an opportunity to grow) or, unless they are obviously going through a nervous breakdown......always defend anyone who is in a situation they cannot leave out of either ignorance or weakness. it may be the state who defines the limit of the law but it is God who sees what you do and how you think. only defend yourself if it's your life is at stake or your welfare is at stake,. Words are cheap and anybody can open their mouths.
2007-10-01 14:44:19 · answer #6 · answered by theoregonartist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like talking sometimes just isn't enough, she needs to know from people who have been thru the exact thing she is going thru. call that number back and get some locations where you can take her and have someone talk to her face to face. sometimes when you are in something you don't realize how bad it really is and when you finally get out and you feel that pressure lifed off your back only then you realize what a bad situation that you(she) was in. good luck to her and you as a friend she will definitely need
2007-10-01 14:31:32 · answer #7 · answered by lynnette 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell her to hit him back, with a baseball bat. Then when he's on the ground she should ask, "who's the tough guy now, *****!?"
Then she should have the cops come and take him away, or run like crazy before he gets up.
2007-10-01 14:36:35 · answer #8 · answered by Byron G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has to want help before you can help her. Just make sure you are there for her and you want her to have better becuase you know that she deserves better. Just be her friend and listen when she talks. She has to be the one to end it for good. If she has other reasons such as being afriad she needs to go to the police, and get protection.
2007-10-01 14:30:03 · answer #9 · answered by bigjuggies79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatley you cant do anything effective until she wants to help herself to.
My sister in law is the same, and we have tried everything but she keeps going back.
We spoke to the police and until he hit her in front of us and we actually witnessed it, was when we could press charges against him.
Stupid i know...you just need to support her and tell her that when the time comes that she is ready to leave you will be there for her.
2007-10-01 14:29:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋