An x has called and wants to meet up for din. Here is the deal...I'm married. Here is the problem...my hubby lied to me for about 7 years. He claimed that his parents & sister died in a car wreck when he was 6 yrs. Last year, I found out that they are not dead, but alive and well. Ever since I found out the truth, I can't trust my hubby...which has caused lots of problems. I'm anti-divorce, but my husband hurt my feelings so much with such a horrible lie...that divorce has crossed my mind. Now my x contacts me telling me that he wants to meet up to catch up on things. Please note that I DID NOT CONTACT THE X, but he has contacted me. Before I found out the truth about the lie, I would have not gone out with my x, but now...I am not hesitating. Can someone please give me some info, cause I'm really confused.
2007-10-01 13:38:44 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have found that life is to short to be miserable!!!!
If you are not happy in a marriage you don't have to be in the marriage. I was anti-divorce and I was in a marriage (my first) that I have never felt so bad about everything (even myself) and the best thing I did was get a divorce. Now, having dinner with an X is a gray area, you can but what will happen if your husband finds out? Can you live with what might happen?
But, if you are willing to take the chance of what will happen, I say go for it! With the lies your husband has told (how can anyone lie about something like that?) is the worse thing I have ever heard.
Go out and have a good time.
2007-10-01 13:46:22 · answer #1 · answered by str8putter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read the question and was ready to answer before I read the rest. Is it wrong yes its wrong. But you have already left your husband or you wouldn't even thought of doing diner with an ex (2 different types of exs and the ones that you feel like you need to get permission to go out with those are the ones you know you shouldn't).
Now what really bothers me is the fact your husband has led a lie with you for over 6yrs not a little lie either this is huge. What else is he lying about? How can he be trusted? have you met his family yet? Why did he do it? Its almost a sick lie in itself to kill off his sister and parents in a car wreck. You might think your anti-divorce but you need to really sit down and think long and hard on your relationship. Trust is hard to gain back (in some ways impossible) can you spend the rest of your life in this marriage? You have tons of things to work out so definately stay away from the ex and work out what is best for you and your marriage now.
Hope all works out for you.
2007-10-01 13:55:55 · answer #2 · answered by blueeyd_princess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never fight fire with fire, you may be the one that gets burnt. No matter what, always be the best spouse you can be. Even if the marriage ends in divorce, be able to say you were honest in your marriage no matter what. Those lies is something he has to deal with in the end.You should not meet your X because you need to deal with this situation with your husband. Find out why he lied, there may be a reason why. Stay focused on your marriage and give your husband support right now. This X does not have your best interested at heart because if he did he would not be contacting you. He has no respect for you or your marriage and if you get with him and let him disrespect you , he'll never have a meaningful relationship with you any because he knows you are weak.
2007-10-01 14:02:17 · answer #3 · answered by Thunder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There must have been some underlying reason why your NEW husband felt he had to lie about his family... maybe he was ashamed or maybe they disowned him or maybe he had an extremely painful experience that he'd rather not get into... who knows.. Lying wasn't the answer, but that is all water under the bridge now as the lie has been brought to the surface... you EX however is a PROBLEM....do NOT go out to dinner with HIM unless you BRING YOUR CURRENT HUSBAND WITH YOU.... if there were no kids in the marriage, then the EX has no business seeing you again except as a FRIEND and in that capacity you SHOULD have your new husband with you at that dinner.... if you GO to dinner alone with your EX, it MAY force you to tell a LIE to your PRESENT husband----and getting "even" is not the grownup thing to do!!!!!
2007-10-01 13:45:26 · answer #4 · answered by LittleBarb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you want someone to tell you it is ok to cheat since your husband told you a huge lie. Obviously if you start talking to the X again, one thing will lead to another and so on. It really doesn't matter if he contacted you.
Confront your husband, find out exactly why he lied to you. maybe he has a good reason, or at least a reason that is good for him.
Or just be honest with him and tell him you going to see your X again.
Seems like you are heading down the path to divorce if you do this.
Try therapy.
2007-10-01 13:45:22 · answer #5 · answered by brwnidjkmo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two wrongs do NOT make a RIGHT.
It sounds like you're going out with your ex to get back at your husband for lying to you. You're using your ex....believe it or not. I'm sorry your husband lied to you, but try dealing with that in a mature way instead of a way that YOU end up looking like the bad guy as well. Nothing good can come from you going on a "date" with an ex. Terrible thing to think about. Catch up on the PHONE....there is no need to go out...you're not single. Deal with your issues at home before stepping out into the world with a purse-full of revenge.
2007-10-01 13:57:45 · answer #6 · answered by Lovin' Life As Mama & Wife 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think that going out with your ex would be a very bad idea. That will not help your marriage at all. And since you are anti-divorce, I would assume you would want to work on your relationship with your hubby. Hanging out with your ex will make things too complicated. Have you talk to your hubby about why he kept a secret from you? Maybe there was a huge falling out with his family a long time ago. I have a lot of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc that I dont see becuase of bad blood. Work things out with your hubby. If you cant, then seperate from him. Then act like a single woman.
2007-10-01 13:45:19 · answer #7 · answered by angie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are unhappy in your marriage, and rather than working things out with your husband and rebuilding trust, you are about to shatter trust again. DONT CONTACT YOUR EX. Your husband lied to you...that wasn't right. But two wrongs do not make a right....and he didn't cheat on you. You are married, so tell your ex that you don't feel right meeting up with him. Tell him not to contact you anymore.
You're holding a grudge against your husband, and you think this will make it right, but it won't. You will only be contributing even more to the crumbling of your marriage. Go to counseling, talk, and work things out. Remember that you ex is an ex for a reason, and forget about him.
2007-10-01 13:44:15 · answer #8 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there's anything wrong with seeing an X. Are you thinking that there will be activities going on that are not good as far as your current marriage is concerned? What's wrong with dinner or a meeting? About that 6 years dead thing...WTF? That's weird. I've met with my X a couple of times, and my wife has been there and not been there and there was never an issue. Well her husband and kids were there too, but still it was a non-issue.
2007-10-01 14:00:54 · answer #9 · answered by PUMA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember how betrayed you felt when you found out that your husband lied to you? That is how your husband is going to feel when he finds out that you are cavorting with your ex. Unfortunately the old cliche "two wrongs don't make a right" applies here. If you feel that the trust is gone from your relationship with your husband and you are truly anti-divorce, then the two of you need to run (not walk) to a marriage counselor.
2007-10-01 13:45:26 · answer #10 · answered by J.Me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋