I am so exhausted. It's now 1:26 am, I am sitting in the living room, my 3 month old baby is sleeping and my stu pid ugly violent husband is sleeping on the couch with his loud noisy snore that woke me up. God, I am so unhappy and don't have a clue how to change anything anymore.
We haven't slept together for 15 months, he has no desire to touch me or anything at all. He always makes fun of me when I bring up any sort of subject to communicate our problems.
I clean, cook, take care of the baby, clean, cook, go no where, have no friends, have no money and no pride anymore.
when he comes back from work, I serve him dinner, gives him his tea, water, and he sleeps on the couch, I wash the dishes, nappy changing,,,,
Such a lovely life,,,, and everybody thinks that a girl as beautiful as me should have a guy to adores her. Just today I asked him to serve himself from the kitchen and he got verbally violent. Can you believe? we have been married for a crappy 2 years, the first year, ,
2007-10-01 13:34:20 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he was a couch potato, I used to work for two, he used all my money, used up my credit card, took a loan on my name, and put me in 16,000 pounds debt. we were struggling to get divorce, and just then I got pregnant ,, now I don't work because my baby is just 3 months old, and he even used up my maternity allowance money. ,,,, just how much a woman can put up? I really want to stand on my two feet again,,,, but there is another problem: he treathens me that if I divorce him, he will steal my baby and go live abroad. ,, so I'm scared to death to lose my child if I divorce him,,,, yes,,, such a lovely story,,,,,,
2007-10-01 13:38:11 · update #1
sorry 12 months
2007-10-01 13:50:48 · update #2
I'm not saying this to be mean I'm really not, but you put yourself in that position and now it's up to you can get yourself out. I don't know your husband or how mean he can get toward you. Why did you marry him in the first place it doesn't sound like you loved him at anytime. Go back to your mom and dad I'm sure they won't mind having you and their grand baby there I know i sure wouldn't mind in fact i would insist on it. If i was your mother i 'd get you out of there and dare that SOB say something to me,I would kick him in his balls so hard they would come out of his mouth. Don't let that a s s hole take control of your life take it back.
2007-10-01 14:20:23 · answer #1 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing that is tough is that I don't know the rules and laws in your country. However, here in the states you have protection.
If your husband is physically and verbally abusive then you must leave. I am not suggesting divorce as of yet. To me, that is the last straw. But, for now you need to be in a place that is safe and free of danger. The same is true for your child.
Before jumping into one direction or another find out what support systems are offered to you via the legal system and via your local church. Get a support system together because they will be your strength through this. Don't make any changes alone or you will easily fall into despair.
You know what do do. Give yourself the permission to do it. You owe it to your baby and to yourself. It sounds like the only way your husband will change is if he has to. So, don't consider divorce at this time. Make a change for safety and for boundaries. Only after he gets some counseling and you guys work on things (this could take a year or more) then I would not consider gettting back together. However, he needs counseling on his own, too. Don't let him manipulate you in couples counseling. This will not be fixed overnight or fixed in a few months. Therefore, plan on being on yoru own for quite awhile and make sure you build those relationships that will be good for you. Stay away from romantic encounters with anyone else or you will just confuse things.
This will take awhile but you know what to do. Make a decision today, make a plan, and then make a choice. You don't have to live like this. Again, change needs to happen.
2007-10-01 20:43:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out i dont see any way that a court would allow hin custody what you need to do is go to a family member and take your child there then serve him with divorce papers no woman deserves to be treated like that at all especially if he has gotten physically abusive to you the mother is always favored in courts and if you tell them how it is no court would appoint him sole custody but if you leave with the child when he is gone or even sleeping he cant find you it will only get worse and do you really want a guy like that in your child life think about it..if he has been physically abusive you can get a restraining order against him for you and your baby but you need to do something..he is very lazy and you do everything a marriage is a partnership and both need to contribute he is pathetic he cant even get his own food but i would leave to a different state with my baby and change your number so he cant call it is worse for a child to grow up in an enviroment like that..but it WILL get worse and somebody will probably end up dead if not you from his abuse but him for being a controlling ***
2007-10-01 20:45:28 · answer #3 · answered by Tiffany R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a real jerk to me. At first it sounded like you guys were just fighting from lack of sleep due to a new baby but the job and money thing is not right.
I would be petrified about losing my baby too; see if you can record him saying that just in case you ever need to go to court. Leave him, get a restraining order, and wherever you move to make sure you put alarms in just to be safe. Also, if you move out and you are afraid he is going to steal the baby, move the crib into your room and put a lock on your door. Only leave your baby with people you completely trust. Good luck, it sounds scary what you are going through.
2007-10-01 21:38:22 · answer #4 · answered by SL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the time it took to write all that, you could have called an attorney and started the ball rolling towards moving out and a divorce (all while he is sleeping!) No one is going to take your baby anywhere....unless its YOU! The baby is counting on you to make good choices for it and you.
Call a friend and ask for some place to stay til you sort this all out....no more putting it off.
TAKE BACK YOUR POWER!
2007-10-01 20:44:00 · answer #5 · answered by that judi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds pretty messed up right there. if you have a three month old baby with him wouldn't you have to have had sexual relations with him about 12 months ago at least? Anyways a happy marriage is if you are just like the people on T.V., and actually that applies to all facets of life. Seriously though, you should probably not be with him unless you want your kid to be severely messed up.
2007-10-01 20:49:29 · answer #6 · answered by PUMA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need outside help from your own family, or a women's agency, or a church, or something. The way you are living is not a marriage, you cannot stay like that. Especially you need to have a good, healthy environment for the baby to grow up in, and for your peace of mind. You can always pray, too.
2007-10-01 20:47:03 · answer #7 · answered by Linni 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can access child care whilst you work part time it will clear your head and then you will see your way forward it is hard with a young baby and a uncooperative husband but you can move forward just take one step at a time by Christmas you will see how far you have come in taking control of YOUR life
2007-10-01 20:43:09 · answer #8 · answered by RAINBOW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did this man ever commit to you? He had a poor example of marriage growing up from someone, possibly his parents. Things must change or come to an end. Get legal advice (divorce, restraining orders, parental custody), get to know your local women's shelters, pack an emergency bag when you're ready to bail, and put him in a position where he has to change. Don't let him have all the power.
2007-10-01 20:41:53 · answer #9 · answered by RickNY 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he has not desired you in 15 months who's 3 month old baby are you rocking? And why did you marry someone so horrid in the first place?
2007-10-01 20:44:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋