I’ve always wanted to learn to scuba dive, because I love to explore new and exciting places. Ever since I was a little girl, the ocean has fascinated me. I used to sit on the beach and watch the minnows dart about in the ocean, wishing I could be with them discovering the mysteries of the deep blue. Last summer, I snorkeled for the first time and loved it. I explored the reefs of the Florida Keys and got to see the colorful underwater world I often dreamed about, but had only ever seen in books and at the aquarium. I fell in love with the bright neon colors of the tropical fish, and the graceful dolphins that played in the surf. I was envious of the scuba divers who could dive down very deep and peer in dark holes, never needing to surface for breath. Right then and there, I promised myself I would learn to scuba one day. I knew that eventually I would be among those scuba divers exploring the deepest reefs and trenches. That was my dream, and I know that one day it will come true.
2007-10-01 12:46:48 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I am 13 and I just want you to tell me if I made any mistakes or need to change anything please!
2007-10-01 12:47:25 · update #1
Thansk for the positive feedback. I am a little young to be deciding about my future definitely, but I have considered going into marine biology...
2007-10-01 12:55:58 · update #2
Thanks for the speedy answers. I've already turned it in, and removed some of the commas. (Thanks, Hispanophile!)
I know this work is not good eoguh for a publisher, and I won't choose your answera s best just because you say it is.
It's a seventh grade homework assignment, for goodness's sake!
2007-10-02 12:14:53 · update #3
This is a very good expository essay. You started with a topic sentence laying out what you're going to talk about, followed it up with concrete examples and illustrations that flesh out the main idea, then ended with a summary sentence that wraps it all up. The only suggestions I have deal with punctuation: remove the unnecessary commas after "learn to scuba dive," "dreamed about," and "tropical fish." Also, the phrase "dive down very deep" is redundant -- "dive very deep" is better. And one peers INTO dark holes rather than "in dark holes." These suggestions are minor compared to the nicely organized and well written essay you've created, so best of luck with your future writing!
2007-10-01 14:26:21 · answer #1 · answered by Hispanophile 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a fabulous essay! The only suggestion I have is to keep exploring your dream....what kind of careers might you have if you were a scuba diver? Maybe the person who swims with the whales or dolphins at the aquarium? Or someone who recovers treasures on sunken ships?
Keep up the great work!
2007-10-01 19:51:34 · answer #2 · answered by equal_opposites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That is a wonderful essay! I am very impressed, especially because you're only 13 years old! If you were my little sister, I would be very proud of you! It's perfect!
You should definitely start off by saying why you want to become a Marine Biologist...so that the reader knows your purpose of why you're so passionate about scuba diving!
2007-10-01 19:56:28 · answer #3 · answered by Bella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose you know you are good. Send publisher a story ! I
2007-10-01 20:58:12 · answer #4 · answered by wpepper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is a good essay. only one or two words could be changed and it will be perfect.
2007-10-01 20:00:06 · answer #5 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋