This guy adores me for over three years. We never have sex because I want to wait until married. I moved to other states last year. He was depressed about our separation. He said, he will wait for us to be together.
In the past year, he wrote over 20 poems about how much he miss, loves, respect, and want to be with me. Although, he hooked up (had sex) with his friend who looks just like me. He said, he does not love her.
Recently, he wants to move on with his life without giving me any explanation---I respect his decision.
I love him very much and want him back in the future, but at the present time, I want to stay on my ground---accomplish my goals, get my education, and stay virgin until married.
Any advice or suggestion? Thank you so much.
P.S. He posted all the poems about us on his my space. He did not delete the poems. His status is still in a relationship. He may still love me. What do you think?
2007-10-01 12:21:10 · 26 answers · asked by Hope 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am not married. I just want some advice from mature and sincere adult from this section.
Thank you very much :)
2007-10-01 12:22:03 · update #1
Ok, good for you that you are waiting until marriage! Honestly, he waited three years and it would unfair of you to expect him to wait any longer. It's a good possibility that he is facing the reality that you and him may never be together and decided to try to be with her. Understand that you are far away, he has needs and was lonely. If the poems stay on the myspace page then contact him periodically so you won't lose him completely. However, it sounds like you are more focused on your own life. Which is great don't get me wrong. But it may be best for you let him go and see what happens. He may come back to you then you will know that you know that he will never stray again no matter how far you are apart and hopefully by then you will be ready to completely commit to him body and soul. Of course he still loves you, she is probably "miss available at the moment" and he could just be using her until you are ready. Which is wrong because she can get hurt--food for thought Ok, good for you that you are waiting until marriage! Honestly, he waited three years and it would unfair of you to expect him to wait any longer. It's a good possibility that he is facing the reality that you and him may never be together and decided to try to be with her. Understand that you are far away, he has needs and was lonely. If the poems stay on the myspace page then contact him periodically so you won't lose him completely. However, it sounds like you are more focused on your own life. Which is great don't get me wrong. But it may be best for you let him go and see what happens. He may come back to you then you will know that you know that he will never stray again no matter how far you are apart and hopefully by then you will be ready to completely commit to him body and soul. Of course he still loves you, she is probably "miss available at the moment" and he could just be using her until you are ready. Which is wrong because she can get hurt--food for thought Ok, good for you that you are waiting until marriage! Honestly, he waited three years and it would unfair of you to expect him to wait any longer. It's a good possibility that he is facing the reality that you and him may never be together and decided to try to be with her. Understand that you are far away, he has needs and was lonely. If the poems stay on the myspace page then contact him periodically so you won't lose him completely. However, it sounds like you are more focused on your own life. Which is great don't get me wrong. But it may be best for you let him go and see what happens. He may come back to you then you will know that you know that he will never stray again no matter how far you are apart and hopefully by then you will be ready to completely commit to him body and soul. Of course he still loves you, she is probably "miss available at the moment" and he could just be using her until you are ready. Which is wrong because she can get hurt--food for thought Ok, good for you that you are waiting until marriage! Honestly, he waited three years and it would unfair of you to expect him to wait any longer. It's a good possibility that he is facing the reality that you and him may never be together and decided to try to be with her. Understand that you are far away, he has needs and was lonely. If the poems stay on the myspace page then contact him periodically so you won't lose him completely. However, it sounds like you are more focused on your own life. Which is great don't get me wrong. But it may be best for you let him go and see what happens. He may come back to you then you will know that you know that he will never stray again no matter how far you are apart and hopefully by then you will be ready to completely commit to him body and soul. Of course he still loves you, she is probably "miss available at the moment" and he could just be using her until you are ready. Which is wrong because she can get hurt--food for thought
2007-10-04 09:14:49 · answer #1 · answered by Ms.K33p !t R3@l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, good for you that you are waiting until marriage! Honestly, he waited three years and it would unfair of you to expect him to wait any longer. It's a good possibility that he is facing the reality that you and him may never be together and decided to try to be with her. Understand that you are far away, he has needs and was lonely. If the poems stay on the myspace page then contact him periodically so you won't lose him completely. However, it sounds like you are more focused on your own life. Which is great don't get me wrong. But it may be best for you let him go and see what happens. He may come back to you then you will know that you know that he will never stray again no matter how far you are apart and hopefully by then you will be ready to completely commit to him body and soul. Of course he still loves you, she is probably "miss available at the moment" and he could just be using her until you are ready. Which is wrong because she can get hurt--food for thought
2007-10-01 12:28:44 · answer #2 · answered by Lana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy may have adored you but it doesn't sound like he truly loved you.He needed sex more than a soul mate. You need to stand your ground..Be who you are and who you want to be..Never let anyone pressure you into anything in your life..Especially when it comes to who you are on the inside..Some may say virginity is over rated but when the right man comes a long he'll appreciate the fact you waited for his true love..Especially with the std's these days! Keep it going girlfriend! Best of luck to you!
2007-10-01 12:35:22 · answer #3 · answered by Tink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if he is The Right One, he may well be. But I do know that by standing your ground and respecting yourself you are more likely to find a man who will adore you and treat you right when you do decide it's time to get married. You have been honest and forthright about everything the whole way through. You have not led him on or decieved him. Be satisfied with your life. You are honorable and smart. Keep up the good work.
2007-10-01 12:26:15 · answer #4 · answered by Saphira 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is unrealistic of you to think that you can conduct a long distance relationship without defined boundaries. You moved away in order to achieve your life goals and if that feels right for you, then it was the right decision. But stating that you want this man bakc "in the future" is a very open ended wish list! Did you and he discuss a time-frame for your reunion before you left? Did you make definite plans for a future together?? If you simply decided to proceed with your life in the expectation that he would wait indefinitely until YOU decided to return, then I think you've miscalculated badly! It would be unfair to expect any human being to put their life on hold indefinitely, and I think this man has realised that.
2007-10-01 12:32:43 · answer #5 · answered by cautious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I expected that he just decided to end the relationship, but the poems etc make me doubt that. His leaving them posted causes me to think it isn't over. Sooo Stay on your ground, work on accomplishing your goals, get your education, and stay a virgin. Even if your relationship does end, your goals are good, and worthwhile for you. I suggest you write him a honest letter, and explain how much you care. His response should help you know if there's hope for the future.
2007-10-01 13:20:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your concerns , however you have by default made your decision and are now seeking validation for it. It is your deccision to wait to have sex , and your decision to focus on your life. In both cases you have placed him second in your life. I'm not saying your a bad person , just that a relationship dosn't mean much to you right now. It is very mature of you to understand that He may desire more intimacy/phisicality/future than you are willing to indicate in the immidiate future.
I honestly don't beleve that sexuality has very much to do with this. I think it is your indications to him that he is not as important to you as you are to him plain and simple. Of course you should be comfortable with the time and place you find your womanhood , if ever. Of coulrse you should have everything in a partner that you beleve you deserve. But so does he , and I think thats the point here.
2007-10-01 13:05:06 · answer #7 · answered by james 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say he wants to move on with his life; guess that means without you? I believe you are acting very mature in obtaining your goals in life before settling down. You will regret it if you do not go after what your passion in life is. As far as him waiting for you to accomplish this; well, only time will tell. If you are saying he wants sex with you (moving on) and you are not ready for that, then do not do it. Are you wishing marriage at this time with him or are you wanting to accomplish your goals and then get married? He may or may not be willing to wait that long for you. Is he wanting marriage or is he pushing for just sex? Sorry, but need some clarification.
2007-10-01 12:29:02 · answer #8 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your doing everything right!!!!!!!!!! BRAVO!!!!!!! first and foremost u should get ur goals accomplished.. most definately.. , your saving urself for the "one" right? well if he's the one he will wait for you and if he's not, then hun the right "one" is still out there searching for you.. i realize u love him, but let me tell u from expirence, if he really loves u he'll wait, i was 18 totally in love with my h.s. sweet heart.. I GAVE UP EVERYTHING for him, gave up all extra cirricular activities cause he complained we didnt spend enough time together.. , then i was getting ready to go into the nursing program, well he told me college could wait, that i could go to college down the road, he wanted to get married right now .. and i loved him, and so i did.. believing we'd be together forever and i could go to college down the road. Well i had everything i wanted, the love of my life, married and a month later a baby on the way.. another year after that i had another baby.. , i was happy , life was great.. until i found out he was cheating on me, and he left.. he didnt love me as much as i loved him, and i had no way of knowing cause he actted as though he did, but there i was 23 mom of 2 children, one that was chronically ill and the only job skill i had was a waitress.. i ended up putting myself through school.. but that took years of struggling barely making it by , he hardly saw the kids and paid childsupport when he felt like it..
My point is.. get ur life the way u want it.. forever is a long time, and if he's the one.. and its meant to be, it will be no matter what u do with ur life before marrying him.. but if he's not the one, then u can be thankful that u didnt waste ur time, and u didnt give up your life for a man that really didnt deserve it all because u "THOUGHT" he loved u ...
2007-10-01 12:37:27 · answer #9 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You lost him. He found a woman that looks just like you, may have some of your qualities AND did what you wanted to wait for.
Forget about him. He's moved on. You live apart while she's right there for him. They may not be serious but he's got what you would not give him.
Maybe you can find another guy like him or better in the future.
2007-10-01 12:23:05 · answer #10 · answered by ranch_tester 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground and do what you want. Get your education and focus on that. And by all means, dont give up your virginity until you are ready.
If its meant to be with this guy, he will still be there, but, dont give up your dreams and aspirations or your values just for a guy. There will be a man out there who will respect your choices and will be willing to wait until youre ready.
Good luck.
2007-10-01 12:32:02 · answer #11 · answered by snowbirdbabe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋