a person who has been sexually/physically abused from the age of 7-9, been educated at home for 14 years and controlled by their mother. been to a bording school, a mental institution for 10 months because of problems at home, (and depression) - lost their brother to cancer while in the adolescent mental place - been to a kids home for another 10 months, then supported lodgings, lost most of their friends, has started drinking and smoking too much weed - lost their bf/gf of 11 months and is feeling suicidal.
(this is about a friend) this person is scared to talk to people because their past is empty, they don't have any experiences to talk about that aren't painful. this person is highly intelligent and is above their age but is also insecure and doubts this.
she is 17.
if you knew her for real, would you hate her? she is has had too much from people.
she has to lie to people at college everyday to stop her from being bullied. if they knew the truth they would bully her.
help?
2007-10-01 09:52:35 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
sounds a bit like my best friend.
Im now married to her
2007-10-01 10:00:40 · answer #1 · answered by wonderingstar 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lets start by being honest, I'll be non judgemental if u can admit that who we're really talking about is u. There, it was'nt so hard. Listen we all come from a history but it doe'snt have to define ur future, if ur lying because ur trying 2 change ur past its never going 2 work. B who u r and u'll b suprised at how ezy life will get. If u've gotten urself into a trap through ur lies remember its never 2 late 2 tell the truth. Revaluate the "friends" around u, u might find that they are'nt as great as u deserve. I come from a background of abuse and conflict but I realised that instead of seeing all the horrors it has inflicted on me I choose to c all the beautiful qualities I have grown. Like me I am sure u r a compassionate and loving person. I bet u have alot of empathy and think very deeply about things. The other thing u can do is re-parent urself. Give urself the childhood u always dreamed of, love urself, play often, smile more,enjoy life, have fun and only do what means something 2 u. Ur future is in ur hands and u can have it all. B4 u even begin to start relationships/friendships learn to love who u r. U r a wonderful, intelligent and needed member of the human race and the world needs u. U r unique and special and don't let anyone tell u different,[ even the little negative voice in ur head ]. Good luck my friend, u have such a fantastic journey ahead of u............keep in touch.
2007-10-01 17:28:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She needs you for a start! Someone who cares. She really needs to talk, and I know that's hard as I have a friend who experienced some of that too, we listened and didn't comment. We were just there when she cried to dry her eyes. Why on earth would people bully her? She's 17, surely other 17 year olds can understand that none of this is her fault and that she would be a different person had she had a different upbringing?!? Kids can be so cruel. It's hard having a friend with problems like these as sometimes you can't get past them but everyone needs help sometimes. I personally wouldn't judge her but I know others, not knowing the life she's led, would. Tell her that we're here for her and she should come and blart out her hurt to some complete strangers. We'll support her. I just wanna give her a hug! x
2007-10-01 17:07:10 · answer #3 · answered by t11omo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would people at college bully this person? I don't get that part.
As for the rest of it, she's had a tough life--no doubt about that. I know someone with that history. She's a bit older than 17 now, but she made a choice back then. Her choice was not to become her past. All the therapy in the world, all the advice in the world, all the prayers and nice thoughts and help in the world will not make that choice for your friend. She has to choose to beat that history and make a better life. The good new is, if she makes that choice it will happen for her.
On my 360 I have a blast that says, "I ain't saying your leg ain't broke, I'm telling you to shut up about it and ride." It sounds harsh, but really the only way home is to ignore what is broken and get on about the business of living.
Wish your friend luck for me. I hope she manages to overcome her pain. It is, however, her choice.
2007-10-01 17:16:52 · answer #4 · answered by Porky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I relate to this girl. I have a past that leaves me with very little to share that isn't grim or horrible. I went through years of abuse from infancy. I've struggled with depression and addiction to pain killers. The stress wore my body down and caused me to be sick a lot. I've been hurt and rejected because I was socially awkward. If it wasn't for a relationship to Jesus Christ that began at age 18 I might have carried out my suicide plans. So, I certainly would not judge someone like you describe. I can't afford to hate her, even if I actually wanted to because I am her.
I have had to work hard to survive my past and God has helped me and healed a lot of my wounds. I believe God loves you and there is a way for you to survive and heal. It does take a special person to keep on when things have been extremely difficult. You are already demonstating survivorship. I would encourage you to look around for help. Alcohol and pot may make you feel better for a little while, but they will hurt you in the long run. (I've been clean and sober from pain pills now for 4 1/2 years) My worst days sober beat my best days using. I'm just a stranger, there's not much I can really do for you, but I do care. I will pray for you to find the help and healing you so desperately need.
On most college campuses there are counselors and student groups from various church denominations. All of these people are commited to helping students find their way. I found encouragement at a Baptist student group. They became my friends and didn't "bully" me. Look around.
I don't know if you are writing about yourself or about a friend, I sort of think you are writing about yourself. I do care. I want to remind you that there is a lot of life out there and good people as well as bad. Please hang in there and keep trying; things will improve.
2007-10-01 17:32:43 · answer #5 · answered by LeslieAnn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all people enjoy a safe and stable childhood. I know I did not. I don't know what to say to you. I guess first of all, how empty and shallow the fellow college students are... They are jerks and that has nothing to do with her. I feel very sad for her. I know what kind of pain you feel inside when you know you are different. It almost destroyed me. Just in the last 2 years have I started talking to young girls about their past and their futures. It took me a very long time to get to this place though. She needs to know she has survived things that would have broken another. Many times over. She has a tremendous amount of experience and knowledge that can be shared with someone going through what she went through. I always say that if you haven't been through some really tough sh&^, then there is nothing you can teach me.
2007-10-01 17:08:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This girl has had it tough in life. And she has experienced much more than so many people twice her age. But many people also have had similar experiences and have come through them.
She resorts to drink and smoke etc to help herself deal with her feelings about how her life has been so far. She is intelligent because she has done alot of living in her seventeen years. And she has seen and been through a great deal. She doesn't talk about things because it hurts her,and also because her friends can't understand her situation to be able to support her. And she is insecure because she has been through these experiences. She has been given alot to distrust in people and life.
If I met her in real life I would not hate her at all. She has to be a very strong person to survive all that she has. And she does what she can to survive. I would do my best to support her,but at the same time help her to empower herself.
I think the kids at school might not bully her if they knew. She may be surprised that others also have had some similar experiences. She lies to protect herself,as this makes her feel safe. But lying is an escape and it doesn't always solve things.It can make things much worse.
She is a very strong girl to live through all this.
And she is lucky to have you as her friend!! I think if you could encourage her to get into counselling. As this would help her to face her fears and her pain and to let it go. She has a long way to go and a lot of healing to go through. But she can get there.She just needs to have some people who care and also to believe in herself. And to not let her past control her future. She can do it!!!!!
2007-10-02 08:12:18 · answer #7 · answered by Forgetmenotshell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your friend has had a really rough start too her life
I feel very sad for her thats alot of stuff to deal with at such a young age
Being in and out of all those different homes would make it hard for anybody to trust anyone I would imadgine
If the people at college would bully her for the truth they should be ashamed of themselves at 17 they should know better
2007-10-01 16:58:50 · answer #8 · answered by Wiggly_pumpkin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This person has been victimized and really needs to talk to someone about it. She has done nothing to bring these things on herself. That is the important thing for her to know. I would not hate this person because I understand this person. Things that happen to us in our lives can cause us to make very harmful choices and make our adult lives harder than they should be. The very best thing in the world this person can do for herself is seek counseling. She deserves a happy life! If one counselor does not work, keep looking. Not everyone will click right off. Encourage your friend to talk to a professional immediately so she can start living the life she deserves! Good luck and I will keep your friend in my thoughts.
2007-10-01 17:00:35 · answer #9 · answered by mizzofficer2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a really sad story. To be honest the most you can do is help her as best you can. There are a lot of issues she will have to work through on her own, or with the help of a professional (although she probably won't want to go down that road). Support encourage, that's all really.
2007-10-02 09:27:12 · answer #10 · answered by ZimHon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel so sorry for your friend but she doesnt have to tell her college mates the whole truth does she-i think we all have stuff wed rather not share-shes had a bad start in life thats for sure and believe me so did i , but right now she has a choice-either relive the past every day and shes the only one who will lose or say out loud from this minute on im going to get the life i want and deserve. she can choose what she wants to tell people and then only share her darkest moments with people who become close friends-be her friend and be there for her but tell her not to allow her past to haunt her anymore-of course it will never go away but from this moment on its up to her to ensure her future doesnt go the same way x
2007-10-01 17:01:51 · answer #11 · answered by buggerlugs 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋