Why do so many people consider lying to be 'white'?

Question

As I see it the only possible way for one to justify a lie as being 'white' is if they have absolute knowledge of the situation (which is impossible) and if they can accurately predict the other person's response (which is dubious at best).

Most lies, even so-called 'white' lies are discovered in the long run and are most often much more painful at that time. Lying, even with the best of intentions, only adds to the pain and suffering of being a human and degrades the liar's self-esteem to boot.

Furhtermore the concept of 'white lies' is all too often used as a cover for telling selfish lies (ie - to justify telling a lie not to protect the other person but to prevent embarrassment on the part of the liar).

If you agree, why is this such a widespread phenomena?

If you don't, can you convince me that I'm wrong? (I'm listening but I don't want to be lied to)

When people say that I'm making a big deal out of nothing, I think that they are really just disliking having their justification for lying being scrutinized.

I DO accept that there are a few exceptions but for the most part people rely on lying WAY TOO MUCH and use the concept of a 'white lie' as an excuse to avoid uncomfortable truths. (which need to be exposed more often than they need to be hidden)

Answer 1

There are no white lies;
There are only lies which hurt less in the short-term than the truth up-front.

Whether someone prefers to be lied to in order to maintain a positive attitude, or prefers to be told the truth and accept the consequences, differs from one being to the next.

Answer 2

I hate lies. I cannot justify a lie no matter how it is told. The truth hurts and that is why people are afraid to say the truth so they tell a lie. To me there is no such thing as a white lie. Usually it means they or someone did something wrong. I agree with most of your statement. Why is it so widespread? Because we have been told that sin is not always wrong and that God isn't real so we do not have to justify the conquences. We would be flat out wrong. It always catches up to you so you tell another lie to avoid admiting being in the wrong. It builds up. eventually no one can trust you.

Answer 3

The justification of a 'white' lie is that it's either selfless or not very selfish. The idea is that you're lying for the comfort of another -- either the person you're talking to, or perhaps some third party.

There are a few presumptions here. Namely that you:
* know what's in the interests of the parties concerned
* you are in some position of power to shape their beliefs (in other words, it's not common knowledge)
* believe (correctly or not) that if the lie is detected, the damage is not significantly worse than if you had told the truth immediately

Any of these presumptions might be true or false.

Very often, 'white lies' are as much for the comfort and convenience of the liar as for the person they claim to protect. A common reason that I've seen for a 'white lie' is that the speaker is uncomfortable with a question and wish you hadn't asked it in the first place. 'Is my wife having an affair?' 'Did my friends go out without me last Friday?' 'Did you like the food I cooked?'

These sorts of questions put the speaker in a position of trust and responsibility on an uncomfortable topic. Many people are not comfortable being in that position, because they don't want to give answers that the querent doesn't want to hear.

Sometimes people ask questions to which they already know partial answers. 'Was I over-reacting when I yelled at my friend yesterday?' 'Do these clothes make me look fat?' The *real* questions might be, 'I know I was out of line - but do you think I should apologise, or can I skate on this?' 'I know I'm fat, but do I look ludicrous in this outfit?' Sometimes white lies are truth couched in the same diplomatic code: 'You weren't over-reacting, but your friend might be hurt anyway.' 'It looks a little young for you.'

Sometimes people offer white lies as encouragement: 'You're getting better!', 'You're really good at this!'

Everybody lies on an almost daily basis. When you smile at a person you dislike, you're lying. When you say 'Nothing's wrong' because you're not ready to talk about a problem, you're lying. When you boast or exaggerate to impress someone, you're lying. When you go to work and 'act professional' though you're having a terrible day, you're lying.

Deception can be dangerous to those around us, but often the person most at danger is the liar himself. When we lie we create an abiding threat to ourselves - what if we're discovered? Often at issue is not simply the truth of a situation, but potential loss of trust and regard from our lies being detected.

There has been a lot of research on lying. Deception is a common trick throughout nature, and humans are quite adept at it. Kids learn to lie somewhere between age 4 and 5, and some recent thought suggests that it may be a necessary part of social development.

One of the ethical paradoxes of lying is that it's frequently condemned when it's caught, but we face enormous social and psychological pressure to do it anyway. No known society has functioned without comfortable lies, and it may be that no society *can*.

Western tradition holds that all lies are evil, but this tradition isn't shared in every culture. In some cultures, polite lies are *expected* - not to lie in certain circumstances would make you seem inconsiderate and arrogant. But since the same is also true in Western culture (try holding down a job without lying at all), I suspect that Western theory is vastly out of step with its own practice.

Answer 4

Lying is lying. No exceptions to the rule. There maybe reasons behind it. But a lie is a lie, despite the motivation.

Recently at my work a girl gave me some clams, we were talking about seafood. However I never told her, I didn't like them I just accepted the gift. Told her thank you.

I then turned around and gave them to another worker, stating I got them from one of my employees however I don't eat them , would she like them. She took them home ate them that night. The next day I asked the employee I gave the clams to , Where they good?. She said they were very good.

When my co worker asked how the calms were, I said they were good.

I didn't want to hurt anyone feelings. Did I lie, Yes because I didn't tell the girl I did not like them or that I didn't eat them I just gave her my coworkers response.

She just assumed I did like clams due to use talking about seafood. My reasons were I did not want to offend her from the gift.

Now if she feels compelled to keep giving me clams, then I will have to tell her that, I appreciate the gift however last time , I gave them away.. etc. explain the story and why I did what I did.

So that is another way of lying, Not saying anything, and it could be considered a white lie. It's a lie all the same.

I was pretty much brought up to accept gifts, due to customs, of not offending anyone. My biggest fear was offending the one employee.

Answer 5

White lies are the lubricant that makes the international circulate around. it would be wonderful if all our communications have been the ideal fact, however the sorrowful fact is that existence is short and there is no time for that. The saving grace is that maximum anybody is conscious this affiliation extraordinarily plenty, so white lies are exchanged in a consensual way. in case you anticipate me to misinform you approximately some trivial element, and that i fulfill your desires and we are the two happy, then the place is the sin? fact is frustrating artwork and many times painful and plenty greater uncommon and helpful than maximum human beings understand. If my neighbor asks me whether her new hair type makes her look like a fool, i will tell her that it makes her look terrific, no remember what the fact may well be. yet while my spouse, with whom I actual have a undeniable and privileged relationship, asks me an analogous question, i would be elementary along with her, considering that's what she needs from me. she would be able to get meaningless flattery from absolutely everyone.

Answer 6

I agree that to lie regardless of the intention, is not appropriate. I think most people have come to think of "white lies" as harmless lies. For example a big lie is to cover up a full out adulterous affair, whereas a so called "white" lie is to cover up getting an innocent drink with a co-worker that you are not attracted to, but you know your spouse would be angry over.

Answer 7

White lies are not necessarily bad. Have you ever gone shopping with your wife or husband and they ask you if they look fat, would you tell them??? NO because you don't want to hurt their feelings, and to you it doesn't matter if they are or are not. Every parent has told a white lie in their life to their children. When they make you an ornament at school with macaroni and gold spray paint and you tell them that it's a very nice ornament and that it should go on the tree. It's a nice keepsake but it's certainly not the best looking ornament on the tree. White lies make people happy. If we were all truth full this would be a sad sad world.

Answer 8

I agree with you and try never to tell "white lies". As a result, people think they can take advantage of me, because they think I am too trusting. Since they often do "pull the wool over my eyes", they must be right. I suspect personality has a great deal to do with it. Some people need to feel in control, no matter what the situation, and changing the truth slightly feels like control and power. Have you noticed how angry they get when someone gets mad at them for it? They look shocked that the person could be so ungrateful... they lied for their own good!

Answer 9

A white lie is a lie but it doesn't hurt anyone or anything. A lie does. A white lie is telling someone something to help boost their spirts but no real harm is done. For instance, someone you lost is gone and someone tells you, God picked them to be a guardian angel to watch over you. At the time, it does help ease some of the hurt. Now that's a white lie because we don't know what the afterlife is like. Now, is that such a bad lie? I don't think so and that "white lie" has comforted me for 32 years and I thank the person who told me that.

Answer 10

Try being completely honest all the time and you will find three things:

1. It's hard to know when you are being honest or not - you lie to yourself more than to anyone else

2. You will have no friends and many enemies

3. You won't be able to hold down a job for more than 3 weeks