I have been listed as the father of a girl for 6 years (since her birth). The mother said I was the father because she was with nobody else during that time frame. I believed her and accepted responsibility.
I just found out (through a paternity test) that the child is NOT mine.
Why did I have the test? She finally confessed when she got mad at me that she was with someone else during that time.
What can be done now. The mother came into a large amount of money and wants me out of the childs life because I am not the biological father. Her lawyer says she has a case and tells me to leave them alone. I am poor and can't afford the type of representation she can.
WHAT CAN I DO???
I have a relationship with this child.
2007-10-01 08:49:03 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
Contact an attorney and fight for your rights as the father of this child. You have a case if you signed the paternity papers upon birth and have been raising the child as your daughter for the past 6 years.
What state do you live in?
2007-10-01 08:52:44 · answer #1 · answered by labken1817 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There is little you can do. She can petition to have you taken off of the birth certificate. There is the whole you had a part in raising the child thing but that would be time consuming and expensive.
If she wants you gone go. But maybe cooler heads will prevail later. What? Is she just going to tell a 6 year old that she was mistaken and you have a different daddy? Or your daddy will never be back? No matter what the mother says the child will feel abandoned.
What about when the kid is a bit older. Actually daddy left because he found out I was a ho and that he really wasn't your dad. Yea, she won't be a promiscuios teen. Even if she somehow found out she will wonder why you just left........ was she not good enough as a child. She will be mad at you and men..... same promiscuios thing trying to fill the male void in her life. Think about all the other sorts of behavioral problems.
No she is going to tell the girl that you just left. So she (the kid) will be mad FOREVER. In your heart you and in practice YOU are her father. In the childs heart it is the same. The Mom probably figured that the odds were good that you were the father and it would be best for her child to have a father. So what purpose is served by messing up a kid at 6? None.
The Mom is mad because she has been harboring this secret for 6 years. Give her some space and in a while sit down and talk to her if you can in a cool, calm and collected manner. Have your parents had any role at all? Maybe the could call the mother. What on top of this Grandma and Grandpa are gone? Her parents, siblings or friends must be a piece of work for nobody to tell he to think about this.
If all else fails send the Mom a certified letter..... later. For now just give her space to start thinking and dealing w. the kid thing on her own. In the letter tell the mom that this is wrong and that if she wishes you gone you will of course abide by her wishes.... no reply needed. But should she ever change her mind or need help all she has to do is contact you.
You will then know in your heart that you did all that you could do. Make sure you have the child's social security #. Maybe years from now when she is say 21 you can contact her as she will always wonder what happened to you. Not that you are trying to get into her life again but you just wanted to let her know that your thoughts have always been w. her.
Forget the sueing thing as it will just make it worse. You have you to think of. Figure out how to get out of your "poor" thing so later you can look good when the time comes when you may meet the child as an adult. Regardless you will feel better by throwing yourself into work. The Mom came into money? Those who never had burn through it quickly. How old are you? You might consider the military as that would be solving a whole lot of problems. The Mom might think twice as well about her whole program.... maybe not today but another.
2007-10-01 16:58:04 · answer #2 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess that it is not only about the money for you. Six years is a long time & I know the love u must have put into that child. I am glad that u post this as a lot of ladies believe that it is only the guys who are liars & cheats. This just proves how devastating the lies that women tell really are & how cold-hearted some of them can be. It is hard 2 imagine a child u love & care about being suddenly removed from your life just because your money is no longer needed. And as one answerer said "there is nothing u can do about it".
Sure I'd sue, but suing doesnt solve the problem as money is only part of the issue. The last line of your question is "I have a relationship with this child" & I guess this is the major part of the problem. That & the feeling of being used for those 6 years.
Unfortunately your only recourse in my opinion is thru the Courts. I mean dont be stupid & put yourself in trouble by being confrontational. That solves nothing.
What I'd do is first file criminal charges against the woman because she knew that u werent the father yet she still made u believe u was & took money from u. This is fraud & obtaining money under false pretenses. At the same time I'd request this Court to enforce visitation rights as 6 years with the child will have created attachment & bonding.
Then I'd sue the woman for all the money u spent on the child (I hope u have receipts for child support or some kind of proof). Then I'd sue her for pain & suffering because it is obvious that this have caused u a lot of suffering.
To sue her for the pain & suffering u must have requested the visitation rights in the criminal court as this will prove that u still wanted to see the child despite knowing that u are not the father, but u love her so much that u need 2 see her.
2007-10-01 16:37:41 · answer #3 · answered by Ethslan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, the case law might help you. If you were married to this lady, and admitted paternity, the courts would not let you out, even though you are not the father. The fact is, legally, you are the father. That gives you legal right. Go to Legal Aide and talk to an attorney there. You also have the possibility of a fraud case, as she lied to you, and you believed her. She has been taking money under false pretenses. Fraud can lead to punitive damages. You need to speak to a family law attorney who also does damage claims in general. Good luck. You should be able to get visitation rights, however, you will still have to pay child support, in fact, unless the court relieves you of that responsibility, you must keep paying them.
2007-10-01 16:00:51 · answer #4 · answered by Songbyrd JPA ✡ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer. It helps to get the best lawyer, but it really isn't that big of a deal--any lawyer will help. And of course her lawyer is going to point out to you how much trouble it would be to fight her, and the fact is that you probably can't get custody and even visitation would be difficult.
While she certainly has a case, you do as well. Even if you have little chance at getting what you want (a continued relationship with your child) from the court, that could be one of her counteroffers to you, when it looks like she owes you a lot of that 'large sum of money' for the child support you paid already, not to mention whatever time in your life you wasted with her trying to save a relationship for the kid. If you don't fight her, she gets away with this. If you do fight her, probably all you get is money.
It's really unfair to you, but I'd encourage you to get a lawyer and fight her--mostly so she doesn't just get away with this. I know you aren't after the money, but if it looks like you'll get it, it could be your bargaining chip to get rights to your child--and if that doesn't work out, at least she isn't as rich as she thought she'd be when she decided she didn't need your help anymore.
2007-10-01 16:01:37 · answer #5 · answered by wayfaroutthere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would hire a lawyer.
1. Get on the phone and talk to a lawyer who specializes in "family law" - tell him you have a case of "paternity fraud" where a woman knowingly lied to you about you being the father when she knew you weren't. As a result, you were duped out of all the money you paid for child support for the last 6 years. http://www.man4justice.com/
2. If she wants you out of the child's life, then demand she pay you back all the money she duped you out of.
2007-10-01 16:00:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So she just wanted you when she didn't have all that money... convenient of her.
Get some legal advice (you may be entitled to be reimbursed for what you've paid or maybe can waive that in exchange for visitation), then do whatever you can.... you can certainly write to her (kid's love getting mail), ask if you can just visit once in a while (take her for ice cream, etc) or babysit.. (I'm sure times will come when she'll need a sitter and since she likes to 'use' people, it may work to your advantage). She should be glad that you care that much. Wish you the best of luck - you're a good man
2007-10-01 16:02:25 · answer #7 · answered by Dulos 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to remain in the child's life then try talking some sense into the woman. If the child is going to be hurt by your leaving (in this case being pushed out) then ask her mother for the child's sake to allow you to see her. Tell her it isn't right to use the child against you. Tell her she needs to think of the little girl's welfare above her own. If that doesn't help try to find people you both know who might be able to help you persuade her. Do her parents like you? They will surely want what's best for the girl. If they are reasonable people they should be able to see that taking you out of her life after 6 years would be traumatic.
2007-10-01 16:00:31 · answer #8 · answered by Marci S 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
cases like this makes me so mad. as hard as it is to find good fathers and men who want to take responsibility, some women have to screw over these men. you can definetly sue her for the money, emotion and time you spent in the 6 years of her life. she lied to you while knowing you werent the father. you can easily find a probono lawyer to take this case. Its clean and cut. be sure to list the things you have done and paid for during the years of the child's life. if she came upon a large sum of money then she has more than enough to repay you.
2007-10-01 15:59:53 · answer #9 · answered by ♣DreamDancer♣ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That woman is a snake in the grass type person. Get some legal help some how. She needs to think of the child.
2007-10-05 15:50:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋