I can be really thoughtless sometimes and that causes him to be upset.
2007-10-01 08:22:36 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
(My answer is from the viewpoint of you, in a HEALTHY, loving relationship, in which you said something mean/insensitive to him. If he's abusive, please disregard)....
I battle this myself, as I'm married to the sweetest/most patient guy on the planet. He's laid back; treats me like a queen....
But the flip side is that he moves slower, and doesn't pick up after himself, and I get so mad....
Fight that impulse to lash out when you feel angry. If you must argue, make sure you fight "fair"... I.e., instead of, "God, you NEVER CHANGE!!! You always...."; say, "Okay, when you do this, it makes me feel frustrated... Can you please..."
So some damage has been done. You need to make a mental note of how you make him feel when you do X. Put forth a really heartfelt apology, and say, "I was really wrong to say/do that." DON'T DO IT AGAIN; that is the hardest part of controlling your temper. It's your issue; you've got to change. When my husband's habits get on my nerves, I try to mentally say to myself that, "well, he could have much worse flaws; he could be into spending all of his time with "the guys", he could be into gambling, or drugs, and he's not...." The issue is mine, and I need to learn patience...
I don't know if that helps any! Go for the heartfelt apology...
2007-10-01 08:35:19 · answer #1 · answered by Monica Sardonica 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get into therapy. You don't seem to be very motivated to correct your thoughtless conduct and may be using it as a control mechanism. After all if you can keep someone angry long enough they won't be rational about the big picture in the relationship and this could be giving you some control over him that you don't realize you are doing on a conscious level. He realizes this on some level and is infuriated by it. Both of you should realize that if you are motivated to grow the relationship and keep it from dying that you both need therapy.
2007-10-01 10:14:29 · answer #2 · answered by Wisdom Seeker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's so thoughtless of you that upset him? You left the toilet seat down? Oh, I dunno, maybe you didn't open the door for him? You walk 2 steps ahead of him? You didn't take the garbage out?
Oh please! He's not a child, he's a grown man. He's not the only one in the relationship... Don't beg, don't bend over backwards.
Sounds like he's truly running the guilt trip on you. Everything that goes wrong, was because of you. He is upset because of you. It's all your fault, your thoughtlessness. Right or wrong?
2007-10-01 08:30:45 · answer #3 · answered by AlS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
communication.
You BOTH need to work on it.
How are you thoughtless?
get back in his good graces?
sounds like someone closes up...
Work on it together. Talk about it together.
2007-10-01 08:27:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Very nice.
He gets upset, and you're the one apologizing.
The classic description of an abusive relationship.
He's trained you well!!
2007-10-01 08:31:18 · answer #5 · answered by Roy H 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Um try to think about him first next time. Their is no excuse for being rude. Who wants to be with someone who shows no consideration.
2007-10-01 08:27:37 · answer #6 · answered by Penny 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Pizza. Pizza fixes everything.
2007-10-01 09:00:45 · answer #7 · answered by Erad 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, I thought my wife was the cold one, but there's more of ya's out there !!! Be more thoughtful, really thoughtful!!!
2007-10-01 08:28:43 · answer #8 · answered by happywjc 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋