I left my husband a month ago with my 5 year old daughter. He was drinking excessively, lying to me about many things and we were fighting way too much.He refused counseling. I know it takes two to ruin a marriage. We both agreed it’s over. At first he acted like he was just fine. He picks up my daughter when he wants to and gives me money when he wants to. Feels like he calls all the shots. I work full time and I have no family around but I take care of her the best I can. But when he feels like I’m doing ok and moved on…he comes and hugs me and says he misses me and asks if I found someone. Then the next day he acts like I don’t matter. It’s like a roller coaster ride.I can’t afford a lawyer.he hides his money. I have my daughter all the time except on weekends. When he picks her up if he can. I just want to find a way to stop playing into his games and not feel sorry for him when he acts all sad.
2007-10-01 06:40:12 · 7 answers · asked by no name 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I’m seeing a counselor to sort all of it out but every time I try to move on he comes up with his sad act. Which makes me feel sorry for him.Although the next day he is just fine. Then he just puts me down saying I’m getting my feelings involved.
2007-10-01 06:40:24 · update #1
My initial question to you, is whos feeling sorry for you? Obviously he's not. Your struggling being both parents until its "convenient" for him to be a parent and to feed you these sad sob stories. In all honesty you are the only one who can control these forms of manipulation to stop getting to you. I realize he was your husband but what about you? You cant change someone who CHOOSES to be this way. You opted to try and help and get help and repair the marriage, he decieded no he didnt see a problem with his behavior and addiction. You cant blame yourself because you didnt put a gun to his head and make his life and decisions that hes making and how its turning out. The first thing is you need to stop letting him come to you and even hug you or kiss you or anything. You 2 are done over thats not your problem he's feeling guilty over his decisions and is playing mind games. As far as an attorney I would say contact legal aid in your state to find out if they can suggest a pro bono attorney who can help you establish custody, divorce if you havnt and child support. If theres any other question or anything I can try to advise with please feel free to email me. I wish you much luck and success in this situation.
2007-10-01 06:57:25 · answer #1 · answered by Queen of the Scene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i would advise you to keep things strictly about the child. If he doesn't;t want the professional help honey theres nothing you can do for him. He has to accept responsibility for the things that have pushed you away, and until he does that they you shouldn't feel sorry for him... this is what the made it right? Don;t make excuses for him, let him grow up and go try to get what he wants in life. If he wants his family back he will take the necessary steps in doing it. If he doesn;t know what he wants you shouldn;t be waiting around until he does. You don;t need a lawyer to help you in these matters, call your local courthouse, put him on child support, get p*ssed that he's put you and your child through this and do something about it! You child deserves better and your the only one at this point that can give her that. Good Luck, wish you the best.
2007-10-01 06:51:21 · answer #2 · answered by Candace C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said it your self...when he "acts"....he is acting. He does that "sad" act because he knows it keeps you from moving on. He knows he can keep you for himself should he decide he wants you back and that's how he keeps you from moving on. Let him know you have no sympathy for him unless he gets counseling. Try hanging out with friends more...join some organizations or something to keep you busy. The more time you fill, the less time you have to spend thinking about him. When you feel a little more confident, start dating. Don't start out looking for the man of your dreams, just do some friendly dating. It will help get your mind off him. The more you life becomes without him, the less of a hold he will have on you.
2007-10-01 07:01:29 · answer #3 · answered by D C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, man. I so sorry you are going through this.
It sounds like he is loving hte fact that HE is the one playing with your emotions. Try not to buy into it. You both decided it was over so stick with that. He is not going to change. Apparently he gets off from you giving in and then backing away. Don't let him do this to you. It is hard b/c you have had/have a life together but the sooner you can let go, the better it will be for you and he will realize what a wonderful woman he lost through his own stupidity.
2007-10-01 06:45:36 · answer #4 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-05 13:41:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is manipulating you. You know he is only crying crocodile tears to lure you into his jaws. Stop feeling sorry for him. You need to take care of your daughter and yourself.
You need proof he is hiding his money and you need a lawyer. Find a way to get one. You might ask your counselor of he/she knows of a good one that can help you sort this out.
2007-10-01 07:03:35 · answer #6 · answered by Saphira 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One...he knows how to play you and you get suckered in. Its that simple. Get hold of yourself and stop this crap. Stick to your guns and don't be 'sad' because he sulks.
Also...it DOES NOT take two to screw up a marriage. Where the hell did you hear that crap?
2007-10-01 06:46:19 · answer #7 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋