problems i want a baby?

Question

my hubby and i got married on sept 27, 2006 and he told me when we are toghter for 1 year i will have my vasectomy reversed its been a year and he said he would get it undone on are 1 year i dont know what to do i want a baby and he dosent want to get his thing undone when we first got married i didnt know he had a vasectomy we went to his mother house and she said you know he cant have babies right i was like what!! so haas any one went thou this before and if so what do i do to talk him in to gettting it undone i want to have a baby i dont want to adopt he wants me to go get spem donnor and see from there but im scared that if i do that what if he leaves me then hes not even the dad of my baby please help

Answer 1

He did the right thing. You don't need children. Stand by your man. He is thinking clearly, you are not.

Don't you even know that a reversal is very painful? It is not simple, like the original surgery. The chances of success are about 25%, at best. No insurance will pay for it, they know it is a scam business.

There are plenty of scam artist out there that will offer you financing to pay for the $7000-$10000 surgery. They will keep taking your money, in exchange for false hope until you can't pay any more. That is how it works.

Answer 2

My opinion is if he truely loved u he would respect your wishes and have a child. My husband had two kids from his first marriage and when he married me he was going to have a vasectomy but he knew I want a child with him andwe had a daughter together . So I think the main concern is does he truely want children? If he doesn't he needs to be honest with u about this issue this is important, also children bind a couple together and makes the relationship stronger. By rights he should have told u this before u were married, I think if u knew he had a vasectomy done before u married him it might have changed a lot of decisions. I wouldn't want a sperm donor, makes it harder on the relationship know it's not your husbands child and when the child gets older and finds out he or she is a sperm baby well then things will get worse. He needs to be honest with u.

Answer 3

WOW! I went through two situations similar to this. The first story goes somewhat like this. My ex husband and I got married. Before we got married he said we'd have a child together. After we got married he said No. He hadn't had a vasectomy but I wasn't about to have a baby with someone who didnt want one at that time. Married or not. I know what children do to a marriage. I had one already. And Why would you want to ya know?! So we got divorced. Shortly after that I met a man whom I've been with for 3 years now. I've known him 7. He had a vasectomy some years back (I did know him then but we didn't realize we'd ever be together!) and we immediately began talking about the subject of kids. We both like kids and he said he would do the reversal for me if I wanted. We are not married. He went through with the VR in September 2006 and I'm now 15 weeks pregnant with our child.

The gist of this story sort of goes like this. If you really want children, and how, it's YOUR LIFE. If your husband is saying NO after saying YES then you have married him under false pretenses. That's one of the reasons WHY I am so freaked out about EVER getting married again. Getting stuck with a liar -- I can't imagine anything worse for a woman. Divorce is a difficult choice but I made it because I ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE!!

So the choice is yours. Consider your options. Maybe even talk to a therapist (I did). I don't think I would go to a sperm donation though. And your husband is selfish for asking you to consider it!! I don't like him already. I'd get rid of him but that's because I have little tolerance for selfish people. But do what you want to do. The choice is yours. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE. Just remember this advice ok? Good Luck!!

Answer 4

So get a sperm donor. Got any cute neighbors or co-workers that would be willing to "donate"?

That is horrible, I would feel so betrayed by him not telling me. That is not a good way to get a marriage started. You are seriously going to need some counseling.

Now you could go all "Desperate Housewifes" on him since he's being so horrible to you. If he's keeping a baby from you, why don't you keep sex from him? Tell him you will not have sex if it does not mean you will conceive. Remember us women can hold off allot longer than men. I know that's a terrible thing to say and not very adult-like advise to give, but I would be seriously pis*ed. That is the biggest betrayal ever!

Answer 5

Ask him if he'd consider having some sperm harvested so that you can artificially inseminate with his sperm.
its not fair that he didn't tell you he couldn't produce children, and is suggesting you get a Donner, sorry but that's not what every girl dreams of when they get married and want to have a family.
i have a cousin who's fiance got a reversal done so that they could have children so its not unheard of, does he already have children with another woman? maybe an ex? these things play a big factor in a mans mind, they may feel they already have enough responsibility towards their first children.
the bottom line is you want kids, he doesn't seem to, someone has to give or it won't work.

Answer 6

He sounds very misleading.
Why wasn't the subject of kids brought up before the vows were said? He also deceived you by not telling you about his procedure before you were married. Grounds for divorce if you ask me. Get rid of the loser that lies too much, find a man that can have babies and who truly cares about you, and have a baby with him.
If you go to the sperm bank, you're right, he probably will leave you, then what - then you'll be a single mommy. Just divorce him, find another man, then have a baby.

Answer 7

Wow. He def should have told you previously. For me that would be grounds for divorce only because I hold starting a family very high on my priority list.

Ok now options, you could always have him have it reversed but even then the chances are very slim that you could get pregnant. Or you could adopt. This way you both get what you want. He does not need a procedure and you can start your family.

Answer 8

It sounds like he deceived you, which doesn't make for a healthy marriage. I say give him an ultimatum, either he reverses his vasectomy (like he promised), or you go find someone else who can make your dream of having a baby come true. You shouldn't have to give up being a mother for this guy.

Answer 9

either you guys go to counseling or get out of the marriage
this man sound selfish and dishonest
you should have been told about the vasectomy before the marriage and now that he promise to have it reverse he should keep his word
I am sorry that your husband have no intergrity
please think about if staying with this person is what you want
because you deserve to have a chance to have your child
Good luck

Answer 10

Talk to him about it again and if it doesn't work out then you two might want to talk to a couselor, but let him explain his reasons for not getting his undone and his opinions on having children before you decide what to do next.