ok, I noticed that I have a pattern in my (so called) relationships (to have physical interaction and go out for a few times but not really get involved emotionally and in no way to enter a controlling relationship where I am influenced or bossed. I can be pretty secretive too without any reason (I don't cheat); I just want something to be left for myself.
to make a long story short I have long periods that I stay alone and in the few relationships I've been , to be honest I don't consider them real relationships because I wasn't really communicating with the guy (I thought he was inferior intellectually to me) and it was more of a sexual outlet. I suppose there comes a time when you really want to be in a real relationship.
my father was abusive in many ways and we never communicated and I guess I loved him but he wasn't very bright but always tried to force his ideas to me. in a nutshell a very disappointing experience of fatherhood.
I wonder if that is the reason I can't let go
2007-10-01 05:55:37 · 34 answers · asked by sarah kay 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes. This could be what is holding you back. You probably are waiting for this person to be abusive so why communicate and lose part of yourself. You have too choices: hope the right man will come along who can help you with this (doubtful this will happen in a man today) or go get some counseling and work it out so you can be mentally healthy and have a comtribution to a real relationship so day.
BTW, you will probably always feel that men are intelectually inferior. I know I have and before I met my hus who is an RN, I dated businessmen, a lawyer, a talent manager and some others with advanced degrees and such. I always felt like they either behaved like little boys or they were WAY too serious and boring.
Try to find someone who makes you laugh. Looks fade and money gets spent, but if you can laugh together, you'll always be happy.
Good luck and best wishes.
2007-10-01 07:08:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your subliminal subconscience is leading you into the the non emotional state when it comes to men. It's a fact that every child will remotely try to evade similar occurances that in a way harmed you as a person. Yes, you may still have love for your father in the way that he kept you alive and well, but some things linger.
This is only going on a guy's perspective though. I grew up with an emotional mother therefore I learned early to be emotional. Sometimes it repels me away from women that are a little to emotional.
It's good to be open with some people. You noticed I said "some" people. There is always going to be a feeling there such as yours but the harder you work to overcome it the better it gets. Find what makes you the happiest and then find the person who ultimately likes to see you happy. I hope I helped some.
2007-10-01 06:13:52 · answer #2 · answered by Kerry J 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes, absolutely.
I am currently reading a book by Stephen Paulter (not sure on the spelilng) called The Father Factor.
You may want to read it. It is very interesting and will help you deal with some of the problems that you have.
It starts out dealing only with the work relationships but as you read it you realise that is not only work relationships that are affected but all relationships.
Good Luck
2007-10-01 05:59:47 · answer #3 · answered by Dimitar A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship with your father definitely affects your relationship with men. I see it with my own daughter. You are both very beautiful women and she has the same views as you on men and relationships. Everything about her is good - she just has a very hard time trusting men and having a relationship. She has many men as friends only!!!! I always tell her that she should go and speak with someone just to find out what it is that keeps her from having a relationship. It would be good for you also - one day the right man will come along and you may sabatoge your own happiness. Good luck.
2007-10-01 06:50:08 · answer #4 · answered by Babycat 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Everything I have ever read about it talks about the importance of a good father daughter relationship. Men should do everything they can to treat there daughters with love and respect. A dad is where girls learn how a woman should be treated, by how the dad treats them. Women who did not have this tend to let it affect them in different ways, Some, tend to be starved for affection from men and become attached to them almost immediately, loving everyone of them. Then there are those who become un-affectionate and don't desire that loving relationship so much with a man. They tend to be more independant and have casual relationships that aren't so closely bonded to another. Here is a good site that is for dads to read about the importance of how they are with there daughters http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/fdeatingdisorders.html#10tips
http://mysite.verizon.net/kingrex/thecharlesandrewcowellfamily/cowellfamilycanada2.html
2007-10-01 06:30:36 · answer #5 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hey love, it will get better. I know what you are saying as I am in Broken relationships constantly.... My father left me when I was 8.... I have had no contact since. and as much as I try to deny it I think that's the main reason why I lead such a miserable life... I think until I find my father I will never let go... If yours is around I'd really take the opportunity to talk to him... it will bring you peace.
2007-10-01 06:02:30 · answer #6 · answered by beautiful stranger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good father-daughter relationship is surely one of the most important in a girl/woman's life. Yes, it would definitely affect you in your current relationships. However, once you have recognized this, you need to make sure you don't let it adversely affect your current and future relationships. We can only use the past as a crutch for so long, then it's up to us to take control of our own life and actions.
2007-10-01 06:01:26 · answer #7 · answered by Sunshine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to what you're saying. My father was an abusive, womanizing alcoholic, and it definitely had an effect on my early relationships. For one thing, I left home and married the first guy who said he loved me just so I could get out of the house. Not smart. And even now, after two marriages, it is VERY hard for me to let my guard down with anyone, especially men, to let them into a place where I am completely open and can be myself.
2007-10-01 06:07:55 · answer #8 · answered by meagain 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
when u get together with men u think are inferior to u the same way ur father was and u can control them the way u couldnt do ur father, that may be ur way of getting revenge. maybe revenge is the wrong word for it, but its an outlet that u couldnt find with ur father so u take it to ur other 'relationships'. maybe u should talk to a professional and see what they can do to help u. but if ur ready for a real relationship with someone i dont think anyone else can tell u when ur ready for that. good luck.
2007-10-01 06:02:27 · answer #9 · answered by shutupndrive 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, in fact I believe that having a good father figure is more important for a girl as it is for a boy. Most of your relationship problems and issues are a result of subconscious thoughts and feelings. I suggest that you find a good, experienced psychotherapist to work through these issues. The fact that you are self aware enough to realize the source of your problems puts you ahead of the game....
Good luck!
2007-10-01 06:00:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋