I have filed for divorce and he changed for a while so I cancelled the papers and now he is back to his old ways!! I cant imagine living another 20 years of misery with this man and his bad vibes. He just brings me down to him bad mood!
YES WE HAVE DONT THE COUNSELING THING AND NO I AM NOT GOING TO PRAY TO GOD TO MAKE IT BETTER!!
2007-10-01 05:44:24 · 34 answers · asked by L 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
btw sorry for the bad grammer!! um yes we have two kids and he is a good dad just a horrible husband! If I leave him he will make my life misserable and punish me for it!
2007-10-01 05:51:51 · update #1
He never wants me to leave the house!! He wants to control my every move and I never see my friends or get to have any fun!! If I go out he punishes me for it with his attitude!! Nothing I do is ever good enough SO I GUESS MY QUESTIONS IS WHAT CAN i DO????
2007-10-01 05:54:08 · update #2
You know what, he's going to change just long enough to get you back where he wants you and then be a grump again. This is no way to live. Just move out and file later. Don't make my mistake and believe that he'll change every time I tried to leave. They never actually do. I wish you happyness.
2007-10-01 05:48:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've got a couple questions for you to ask yourself. Please be patient. It is critical that you be totally honest with yourself.
1. Why did you marry him in the first place?
2. People can't change personalities, are you trying to make him?
3. Are there children involved?
4. Often people act the way we expect them to. Does this apply?
5. Is there another person involved? Though the grass look greener, you always inherit a new set of problems.
6. Is there any part of you that still wants this to work and are you willing to make changes? Though the blame may be weighted on one side, it's always a two way street.
7. Have you thought through the long-term effects of a divorce? I mean the hard questions?
8. If you have done your best, and there is no hope, do you have the courage to learn more about yourself so you won't make the same mistake twice?
I believe that marriage is a binding agreement and given up on far to easily these days. There are times when a divorce is the most loving arrangement for both parties, and if this turns out to be so, then I wish you both the best. I know you're hurting, and he probably is too, though it may not seem like it to you. It is not appropriate to pray to God to "make it better", only you two can do that. You can pray for the strength to make it through with a gentle spirit and a forgiving heart no matter which way it goes. I wish you well either way. peace. pt
2007-10-01 06:01:06 · answer #2 · answered by Pilgrim Traveler 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's not going to change and you are miserable, yes, then don't stay. This is your life too. And I'm in a marriage where I had what you had. And my husband did get better. And for that reason, I am staying. If he hadn't worked on himself, I would have left. I don't believe in staying if both partners aren't working on making the marriage good. And don't feel guilty about making yourself happy. You're the only one in this marriage if he's making you that miserable. Go! And find someone that will be better for you. But be sure NOT to pick the same type of person again. We all tend to do that too. It's not worth leaving if you're going to do it all over again.
2007-10-01 05:49:17 · answer #3 · answered by trapeze 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you tried everything already and although its a hard and life changeing experiance... if you are not happy then you have to make the decision to stay and be miserable or to leave him. It is a shame that children are involved... but you know... when you married him... he was most likely a better husband... he may change his ways as a father years down the line too. You need to do what is best for you and your children. Good luck.
2007-10-01 05:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by shadowsthathunt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand. I went through a divorce 11 years ago. If you have tried all you can to make it work and he just isn't trying then you have to do what yo have to do. I've been in the ministry for 30 years and when I began going through mine my pastor and overseer in the ministry told me that God didn't give the writing of divorce to the world but to the church. It should always be the last resort but God allowed it because of the hardening of our hearts (in the relationship).
You are in my prayers. Divorce is hard even when you want it.
2007-10-01 05:51:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No offense but you don't exactly sound like a ton of fun yourself. If you treat your husband any where near as bad as you talk about him here, I can see why he is "grumpy and miserable". If you are really that unhappy, go ahead and get the divorce but don't be surprised when the grass isn't any greener on the other side and you find yourself falling into a depression because he won't be around to blame for YOUR shortcomings.
Good luck.
2007-10-01 06:04:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I say leave. I was married before and she was unhappy. When she first threatened to leave I was devistated and I too "changed" but only for a few weeks. She eventually had an afair and did leave. In the long run I realized that I too was miserable in the relationship. I am now remarried and so much happier.
2007-10-01 05:48:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont let anyone tell you to stay for the kids. They will be/are just as miserable as you. I stayed for 20 years, and in retrospect? the kids say I should have left too!
You are unhappy and obviously he is too or he wouldnt be acting out.
If you tried counseling and it didnt work and you dont want to try and you dont think he will, get out. Life is too short
2007-10-01 06:04:06 · answer #8 · answered by disturbed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
usually it takes two... wonder why you wouldn't be willing to pray about it... how long did counselling last? Are you interested in making the relationship work? Got kids? Anyone else suffering because of the attitude?
Introspection can offer a lot...
2007-10-01 05:49:49 · answer #9 · answered by D J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go out with your girl friends. Do some volunteer activities. Get a life outside of home. I'd give you a hug if I could, but I don't know what to do for you. My husband is divorcing me & I don't think that there is anything that anyone can do to stop it from happening. It is his unilateral choice. We have 2 kids. I don't know if you have any kids, but kids really do need both parents.
2007-10-01 05:48:52 · answer #10 · answered by mrsdebra1966 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋