I'm concerned that my Mother is losing it, should I see a lawyer?

Question

to take guardianship? I don't want to do that. Or do I just "wait" until things are so messed up etc., etc., etc. She doesn't have any money. I just want her to be in a safe environment. She is 73. All opinions are welcome. This is effecting me mentally and I don't want to have a heart attack. Thanks.

Answer 1

This hits home with me as well, my Mother is 72. She has a little money, but doesn't spend it wisely, or helps family with it. Her memory has not been the same since she had a heart attack and stroke in 2005, and it is getting worse everyday. I can't seem to get the doctor to listen to me, even with medical power if attorney. It is draining me, she repeats a lot, forgets things, always need to go to store(when she has plenty of food

Answer 2

Guardianship is a big step, and one that may not be necessary. And depending on where you live, you may or may not need an attorney to have Power of Attorney for financial matters, or a Power of Attorney for Health Care, which is called a Health Care Directive in some states in the U.S. I had both for my parents when they were alive and downloaded the documents from the internet on:

www.alz.org or
www.caregiver.org

As I recall both documents need to be notarized. You don't need an attorney for this. Most banks have a notary public.

You can call the hotline at the Alzheimer's Association (alz.org) and talk to a counselor about what to do if your mother needs a home health-care aide, or if she may eventually need a skilled nursing facility. Also, keep in touch with your mother's doctor.

I found that the best way to avoid a lot of anxiety and frustration over this situation was to be well informed. Please call these associations and visit their websites often. They saved me from having a breakdown when I was caregiver for my parents. I don't know what I would have done without the understanding, help, and information I received.

All the best to you and your mother.

Answer 3

Is it possible to have her see a physician and, if so, will she allow you to ask his or her opinion?

Sometimes "losing it" can be prevented or a symptom of a medical problem that can be corrected. Her personal doctor would be the best place to start.

At 73, though, she still has a right to privacy and she may or may not let you speak to her doctor.

Once you bring in a lawyer, the dynamics can change. Other relatives can see this as a bid to control your mother or her estate. Sometimes, this perception can take away any support that your mother or you are receiving from other family members. Bringing in an attorney should be the last resort.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes, definitely. Talk with her while she is still able to have the conversation. Do not and I repeat DO NOT wait until the caca hits the fan....it will be much more difficult then. Be sure that you get a MEDICAL poa. Each state has different forms but get this ASAP. Without it your hands will be tied from a placement standpoint if that necessity should arise. Legally, you won't be able to find out what medications she is being given. You won't have access to her medical records, etc. Trust me on this....I've been there. I'm now in the process of obtaining just such a document for the exact reasons you are presenting. Know that you are not alone in this. Babyboomers all across the country are NOT having this discussion and are just trying to go it alone....feeling guilty because they really don't want to be doing this at this point in their lives. You just have to take the bull by the horns....your mom may not like it but she has to be made to understand that there are no other viable options. Take care of yourself in the process or you will burn out in a great big hurry. There are support groups available and this site is a really good format to bring up your concerns, woes, and fears....For what it's worth, I'm right there with you....Peace....

Answer 5

I know that you may feel as though you are "taking over" and may feel bad about this, but please, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest attorney's office and start the processes of making Power of Attorney, Advance Health Directive and Will sorted out while she is still of reasonable sound mind. Believe me, you will be doing both of you the biggest favour. Once these legalities have been signed and sealed, you will then be in a position to look after your mother in the best possible way, and nobody can interfere with that.
Believe me, I work in an aged care facility and it's amazing how many people have never bothered with this. These are the people whose families are now helpless and worried because the Adult Guardian has taken over Mum's decision-making, and the public Trust has control of her finances...
Do it now, you ( and your Mum) desreve peace of mind on this one.

Answer 6

Have a talk with your Mom's doctor and do it soon. Find out how your Mom's general state of wellnes is, particularly the mental state, in the opinion of her regular physician. If the doctor feels that your Mom is capable, then have her do a will and a Medical Power Of Attorney giving you the right to dictate Medical care incase of mental incapacity. You may also want to ask an attorney regarding a General Power of Attorney. The discussion is necessary for your Mom's future good. The Attorney will know where to go from there.

Answer 7

Not enough info to give you much direction here. Is she NOT doing ok by herself..? 73 is not very old, and unless she has serious problems with clogged arteries, I doubt that she cannot take care of herself. If she is a normal 73 year old person, she IS in a safe environment. If she is NOT 'normal,' if she is terribly forgetful, if she cannot remember if she left the stove on or not, that is another story all together. Please fill in more info in the "edit" portion of the question to let us know what is going on...many of us here are 73! We seem to be doing just fine. My dad is 85, goes, goes, goes...never stops! Peace, Goldwing

Answer 8

Don't panic. First of all, I would suggest doing an online search or look in the phonebook for a local Coalition For The Aging or some similar type of service. If you have problems finding one, contact your mother's doctor. She needs to be evaluated psychologically. Is there any chance she's had a small stroke or some such thing? A mini stroke can cause personality change and cognitive problems. Once you get her evaluated, you can determine the next step.
Take care...

Answer 9

Just make sure that you look into your local laws for attaining power of attorney. This should ease your mind because then you will know what it takes to get it. Power of attorney is necessary to make legal and financial decisions for a person who is mentally unable. In some places if you don't get this before the person becomes completely mentally incapable you are out of luck. I suggest contacting a lawyer to find out the proper procedures ASAP. At least then you know what you're up against.

Answer 10

You need to discuss with her the need to take over for her. You need not make her feel you see her loosing it but you can say Mom anything can happen we both never know do we. I want you to know I am there and it has nothing to do with thinking anything is going to happen Mom I love you but I want you to know I am there taking care of things. I was there with my Mom the same way. My mother had nothing as well. My sister became her legal guardian. It was hard at first my Mother didnt want to give away that control. I feel like crying as my mother was 73 when we did it too. My heart goes out to you. There is no right way there is no wrong way. Calm down you have to be the big girl now. Remember when you were little and your Mom would say be a Big Girl and she would smile. Well now she cannot say that but she would if she could say, "i love you, I have cared for you all those years, thank you daughter for caring for me, you have turned into such a wonderful caring Big Girl" You have to do it now while she has some of her facilities. I know its hard. Know you are not alone. Been there and its damn hard. You are doing the right thing. You are a good daughter and truly your Moms Big Girl ..